Gratitude Done Well

Discomfort, positivity, and gratitude can be tricky this time of year…

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out which discomforts are the road to being better, and which discomforts are telling you that something is unsustainable and needs to change.?And there’s so much festive positivity.?When is positivity part of learning to look for the good in things and when is positivity toxic?? One of the positive emotions we have the most trouble with is gratitude.?

On one hand, gratitude can be a tool of oppression when directed at those who would say we need to do things differently. In a moment of vulnerability, being told to be grateful instead of feeling one’s feelings is the opposite of empathy. On the other hand, gratitude is an essential tool for living a life centered on comfort and contentment and fulfillment, rather than a fretful search for an unattainable state of constant happiness.?

Why is a state of happiness is unattainable? Because happiness is a feeling, and a feeling - by definition - is fleeting whereas states of contentment and fulfillment and comfort are places that we can really live and spend time in.? As entrepreneurs, we can sew seeds of contentment and fulfillment in our communities through our businesses, or we can sew seeds of anxiety and unattainable happiness. We definitely want to shoot for the former! So, if gratitude is sometimes tough to navigate, AND it's an essential skill for living a contented life and spreading contentment in our families and communities, how do we get gratitude right?

I was reminded by the folks at?Big Life Journal?that that the good kind of gratitude has a couple of distinctive features:

• It’s practiced in groups
• It comes from a place of wholeness.

For example, in a difficult situation, like being stuck in traffic, we acknowledge the difficulty: I am stuck in traffic. And we also acknowledge the opportunity: this allows me to spend more time talking to my kid, or listening to my favorite music, or hearing another chapter in my audiobook, or sitting in blessed silence. That’s the wholeness. When you admit your disappointment or discomfort, we release the responsibility of ignoring the difficulty. This does not make us ungrateful or negative to say things are hard.?Acknowledging the difficulty also creates space to discuss future change.?So, a deeper gratitude comes in acknowledging current difficulty, maybe the difficulty ahead, and even still finding something to be grateful for.?That’s when gratitude becomes a tool of resilience.

And then there is the practice of gratitude in groups, or the practice of sharing gratitude. This, of course, is the type of gratitude we think of at this time of year.?We’ve all heard of gratitude journaling, gratitude practices, or family gatherings that incorporate moments of gratitude, which are great, but these specific practices aren’t for everyone.?There is a better way to break down the beneficial behaviors of gratitude that should work for all adult learners (which is us, right??We’re always learning!). Each of us as individual adults can lean in the benefits of gratitude without having to mobilize our family or partner or social group in a specific exercise.?I don't know about you, but, for me, that step of motivating my crew can be the most exhausting.?These two practices require minimal preparation or coordination.??

First of all, we can allow people to thank us without needing to qualify or minimize our contribution. Accepting gratitude creates unstructured community. When a patient thanks you for their care, when a partner thanks you for the things you do in their lives that only you can do, when a friend thanks you for your presence at a key moment in their lives, when a client thanks you for your product or services…whenever we are thanked for the things only we could do, we can allow ourselves to receive that gratitude.?

Of course it sounds simple, but the majority of the time we don't do it. We say, “Oh it’s no problem. Oh I didn’t do anything. Oh, it’s just…” Fill in the blank. Your contributions are significant, and people’s lives would be worse if you - and your business - weren’t here.?Let's allow ourselves to be thanked!?

Gratitude is a really really important practice in business, because feeling that our work makes a difference in people’s lives can be deeply sustaining for entrepreneurs. In the Business Mindset MD Foundations Program, we recently discussed the limiting beliefs that get in the way of productivity.?Statements that resonated with us had to do with the feeling not good enough.?Receiving gratitude is an antidote to not feeling good enough. Allowing the gratitude of others to wash over us without trying to minimize or wipe it away is the best way to understand that our work is sufficient and valuable.

There is another gratitude behavior that is do-able at any time and has the additional benefit of helping to build good communities: we can be intentional about thanking the people in our lives who help us.?The helpers in our lives contribute to everyone’s wellbeing.?The mentor without whom you wouldn’t have gotten that opportunity, the unit secretary or colleague who greets you with a smile every day…they have negative feelings, too. They have self-doubt, and they wonder if they’re making a difference. They need affirmation.?Taking time to tell them how they matter to us, not only helps sustain these helpers, but it contributes to a healthy workplace, business or community culture.

On that note, from us to you - we at Business Mindset MD are grateful for each of you, the experiences and perspectives you bring to the table and legacy you are creating. We are so glad we get to build beautiful businesses and continue to learn and grow together.

And, just in case you need one final reminder this holiday season: it's okay to lower the bar. Our mission is to rest as much as possible over the holiday weeks, to pay attention to and receive the gratitude of others, and to take time to thank one helper in our lives.? You are enough. You have done enough. Rest well, and we'll see you in the New Year!

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