Gratitude is the Best Skill You Can Foster

It's my opinion that the best non-mechanical skill (i.e., not project management methods, communication styles, etc.) one can cultivate as a manager is gratitude.

I have worked for managers who were great at it, and I've worked for managers who literally told me that my pay is my gratitude for my work. I'll let you guess which set of management was actually engaged with the work happening and the people doing it and which set of managers simply saw the work they were doing effectively as moving things around in a spreadsheet.

When I say "cultivate gratitude," I don't mean learning to say variations of "thank you" in several languages or putting a fruit basket provider on speed dial for rapid fire gift giving. It's not just the expression of gratitude that matters. Anyone can fake it and say "thanks" a lot, but in reality, there doesn't have to be any appreciation there. I'm talking about adopting a posture of gratitude towards those around you whose work you manage and help you do your own work. Cultivating gratitude means developing a genuine appreciation for their work and sincerely expressing gratitude and thanks to them when it warrants it.

The true catch to this is that it requires taking a real interest in other people and their work. You have to have a sense of wonder about people, what they're working on, and how it helps move things forward in the business (if it doesn't move the business forward...well, then one may need to adopt a posture of feedback ??). Having the people around you know that they're seen and their work is seen not only provides a positive feedback mechanism, but it also validates them as people. It makes them feel valued, and when people feel valued, they're more fulfilled, they're more invested in doing well, and they're far more likely to be able to steer clear of burnout.

The other, less obvious catch is that you shouldn't just adopt this perspective for things that help you directly. This mindset isn't transactional. It's holistically appreciating people for who they are and what they do, so even if they don't things that directly benefit your career, you should still appreciate and validate their work as best you can. Side note: it also means that even if they're super annoying or otherwise personally distasteful to you, if you adopt this way of thinking, you'll still appreciate and express gratitude for their work. It's not always easy.

This is something I'm constantly working on inside myself. Over the years as I've put the work in, I've found it increasingly easy to see the inherent value in the work that people do, but I'm still learning how to find opportunities to express it and express it well. My best advice here is don't lean on formal opportunities like feedback cycles and skip levels. First, because you might forget before then, but secondly and more importantly, sharing gratitude solely in these situations can make it feel more like a mere formality than a genuine expression of thanks.

Remember: the idea here is to create connection with another human and help them feel valued, not check another checkbox on the feedback rubric!