Grateful we should be for solace it brings

My friend @savita Tauro has shared this amazing poem on gratefulness. One can never find solace until one becomes a “no one”. A no-one will find no reason to search for solace even.Trying to say where one can be a no-one…Is it a place , not inside , not outside , definitely not in the mind , neither within nor without …. Neither in attention nor in distraction both happens with the mind lol. But is it a place that is present in inside , outside , within , without and then from that place mind also becomes its abode in attention and distraction … equally in every state of your consciousness.

Let me start by saying that solace is always found by us within ourselves and only by us. No external factors can ultimately infuse solace into us. However, if we are looking for a road map to achieve this, here are my suggestions: It depends on what is making you uncomfortable and the solace you are looking for. If it is a health issue please reach out to a medical professional for help before you look for solace elsewhere.

Of course I am assuming that you are looking for solace as you go through the natural rhythms of life. We all have good and bad days but sometimes we don’t realize that others have them too. It is how we react to events in our life when they fail to meet our expectations that lead us down an undesirable path. Also, we have many desires and if they are not fulfilled according to our expectations, we feel upset and look for solace. An empathetic family member or friend, who can lend a hearing ear, is one of the places to look for solace. Sometimes just talking to somebody can do miracles in terms of finding solace. A hobby that you can immerse yourself in will also help.

However, they can take you only so far, mainly because our minds are the culprits that make us miserable. We carry our hurt, anger and sadness too long and blame others for our misery. Managing our minds is not easy and needs effort. The good news is that if mind is the problem, the solution is the mind too. And, ultimately, lasting solace has to come from within you. Observing yourself to determine what is causing you to look for solace, can lead you to a solution. Very often our minds drive us to places where we don’t want to be. We rehash our experiences and make ourselves miserable. Just taking a moment to think about what is causing the hurt, forgiving others and not holding on to grudges can help you find solace.

Meditation is a great practice to direct your mind to look within yourself and feel at peace. Meditation, however takes daily practice and guidance from a teacher. There are many books on meditation available online in Amazon and other sellers. Start slow, may be 5-10 minutes initially and gradually increase the length of daily meditation time. You may not have to look for solace elsewhere other than yourself. Stay compassionately detached…. There will be no use of searching for solace or even peace. As long as you keep yourself busy and not accept it you are procrastinating peace. You can avoid and run till you are tired out but sometime you will resting have to face your self the sooner the better.

Praying and giving it to God. I think frankly, I look at life forward like I have the ability to change things. I look at the past as a means to build me, and that it was fated to happen. To paraphrase Bob Dylan, there’s only two people you have to be worried about being dishonest with, yourself and God. But that can stress individuals out. I have no idea what you've tried to sooth yourself but I will tell you how I've learned to love myself and some of the tools I've discovered along the way.

Honestly, you have everything you need within you. You must believe this. You just haven't learned how to operate your machine (mind) just yet. Excepting yourself for who you are and where you're sitting in the scheme of things comes from realizing you're exactly where you need to be. Your life is a series of lessons and dramas that get played out that you're the star participant in. Never compare your life to anyone else's. When you know this, it gives you a better perspective.

However, if you want the comfort of feeling loved you must practice loving yourself. The voice in your head that tells you negative things needs to be put in check. Every time you catch that voice telling you something unpleasant counter it with something positive. You have no control of what happens outside of yourself. What you absolutely control is how you react to it. You are the captain of your own ship. The narrative that you give yourself and the way you relate to the world is on you and you alone. This is a privilege and a burden but it gets easier the more mindful you are of the inner dialogue that's constantly playing within your own mind.

And what would you say to a person you love who was in pain? How would you comfort that person to make them feel better? Now apply that to yourself… everyday all day. You aren't perfect. You may have made huge mistakes and done things you aren't proud of. That's OK! We are all screwing up all the time. What makes all the difference of rather we get past these things or keep repeating them is if we learn our lesson and then forgive ourselves. Every time we hear that shitty little voice telling us how shitty we are and how shitty the world is stop and recognise it…and then talk yourself off the ledge like a hostage negotiator, with patience and calm and most importantly love.

You will not feel instantly better. Like everything else worth anything it requires attention and time. Many of us have been programmed from childhood to hate ourselves. It isn't necessarily anybody's fault. People do what they can with what they know including our families and most people don't realize what I'm telling you now. You are here and that is proof enough that you deserve love and the peace that comes with that but you'll never feel it until you give it to yourself. Start listening to your own thoughts and when they're taking a turn down shitty lane, redirect.

All that means is when you hear yourself complaining, say to yourself…no sweetie, it's ok, we aren't going to let ourselves look at things like this, etc. Imagine yourself being embraced and feeling relaxed and calm. Stay in the moment and be kind and polite to everyone around you even if they aren't. Do things because that's who you want to be not because you expect anything in return. If you practice this everyday, I promise you, you will start feeling totally different about yourself and life will open up to you. Light and Love. Cheers!