"The grass is always greener on the other side". Don't envy others. Here is why.

The reason I decided to write this article are recent conversations I had with my family members and friends. I want to remember this for myself, and share my views with others. There is an interesting story in the end, so read through :)

I came across people in my life that like to compare themselves and their achievements to others. Most of the time they compare their income, career growth and professional achievements to peers from the same social group (i.e. went to same class in school, university or same age, same nationality, same background, etc.).

IT'S A TRAP.

Multiple studies proved that comparing yourself to others negatively affects your self-esteem. And we all know - low self-esteem equals to more stress, bad psychological well-being, negative emotions. It stops you from achieving, it stops you from progressing.

A very interesting study was done (I don't remember the names of authors) that proved - comparing your achievements to people from the similar social group (i.e. age, nationality, education, experience, etc.) affects you much worse, than if you compare yourself to people from different groups. For example - if I compare myself to Mozart who composed his first symphony at 8 years of age, Picasso, who painted one of the greatest pieces of Spanish art at 14, or Usain Bolt, who set an olympic record at 22 - this doesn't bother me, good for them! But if same things were achieved by people from my town, my university, or if my colleague whom I started with at the same time became the CEO of a company - I'd be like: "hmm, what's wrong with me?".

When such things happen - sometimes, you don't genuinely feel happy for them. You blame yourself, look for (and find!) excuses and just say: "they achieved this because they are lucky", or "this is because they had XYZ".

These stories should inspire us. Learning from their success is what is best, and we might have similar results. But we don't do that. Instead of going to them and asking "Hey, how did you do it?", we silently ignore and envy them.

In Kazakhstan we have a term - "Jurttyn Balasy", which literally means "The son of others". Usually, our parents use this term when they compare us with sons/ daughters of people they know, be it relatives, neighbours or friends. They tell us about achievements of "Jurttyn Balasy" to make us feel bad and motivate to achieve more. Is it the best way? I don't know.

We must remember - there will ALWAYS be people who achieve more than you. Exceptions happen - no doubt, but those are so rare.

On top of that - people are different. Everyone has own life, own priorities, own values. Things that make them happy might not make you happy, and even their success might not make them happy.

I know a guy - young, very successful, clever, born leader, startup founder and CEO, raised millions of dollars. He must be so accomplished and happy in his life, right? No. One day he came to me and said something like: "Khaji, I want to have family, just like you. I want to fall in love, get married, have kids. I don't have time for it. If I could trade everything that I have - my career and my money for simply being loved and having family - I'd 100% do it. I'm not happy."

We don't know what people are going through besides of their shiny success. Someone can become a CEO in short time, but their family situation might be very bad. Someone can be low - mid level associate all their life, but they have healthy parents and kids, AND BE HAPPY.

Before envying someone - think twice. Remember - someone is looking at us the same way we look at others. Be grateful for what we have, most of the people aren't as lucky.