The grass is not always greener

I have been with the same company for the past 21 years. I am obviously not a job hopper. With this statement I might have taken myself out of the realm of expert on this subject, but I have witnessed enough over my years to know the old saying, "the grass is not always greener".

Recently I ran into a former client and we ended up having a long conversation which ended up with an offer to sit down with the board of directors of a non-profit to fill a vacancy as their executive director.

I had a warm feeling in my soul after the conversation as I felt wanted. I can not tell you how awesome it feels to have someone tell you that I would be the ideal fit for the position.

What made this also really hit all the feels was that I had just had an extremely difficult day at my job- and being able to walk out sounded like a decent in-the-moment solution.

I sat down later that night, put pen to paper, and looked to see if making a change would make sense.

This was not the first time I had been recruited or offered another job, but it just happened to be perfect timing to peak my interest.

As I sat down and pondered this offer, I created a pros and cons list, but then I did something (which now I will do with all big decisions) that truly helped me, not only in my decision making process, but also with helping me during a difficult time...I spent time feeling.

Recently my wife and I were discussing how frustrating our dishwasher is. The tray that holds the dishes is rusting and falling apart. The dishwasher is so loud that we can't run it anytime we are downstairs (as it will drown out any conversation). The worst part is that no matter what we do, how we load it, how much we prewash the dishes, most of the dishes simply do not come out clean.

When I went to look at the dishwashers at the local big box home renovation store, the gentleman in that section answered some of my questions and then when I asked about a specific model that sounded better than my current appliance he responded, "It might be better, but the grass isn't always greener".

So when deciding on what model to purchase we decided to read hundreds of reviews so we can help determine what model would be the best for us. With reading the reviews we determined we wanted to resonate with the model that had the most positive emotional reviews. We wanted to 'feel' what people were saying and what model filled that emotional black hole.

The dishwasher we currently have was bought because it was the most practical. It matched our other appliances and it was the best bang for the buck. We never talked about our feelings about it, or more important how this inanimate object would make us feel a bunch of years later. It was a 100% logical purchase with no emotion.

So fast forward to last night as I sat at the top row of the high school gym watching my daughter's cheer competition. I simply wrote down my feelings (in between all of the stunting and cheering) and I discovered something really cool, the grass is not always greener.

I uncovered a number of feelings and was able to realize I should share this with others who might be going through a similar situation. Here are the four things I learned going through this process:

1. Do not replace temporary happiness with an opportunity to fix the source of your frustrations. A change of venue might be a great way to get you out of a funk, but just like the dishwasher this will be a decision you will have to live with. Most importantly, you will have to think about how this change will also affect you in the future as well. If you don't look at why you are so frustrated, the same situation will likely challenge you again. So spend some time addressing the hard feelings that are underlaying to help you if you decide to transition.
2. Changing your surroundings doesn't typically fix problems. Leaving somewhere for a new and shiny place can be thrilling, but eventually that place will also lose its luster. Make sure if you decide to transition, that you are leaving for the right reasons. If you have frustrations, likely they are going to follow you so be understanding of that. My solution to all the dirty dishes was simply to go out for dinner. Not to my surprise, when I came home, still a bunch of dirty dishes.
3. Assess your emotional support at the workplace. My boss is a wonderful human. She is one of the busiest people I know, but we still are able to have good conversations and often discuss our true feelings on situations. Most of my coworkers are also able to connect emotionally so it makes the overall support wonderful. I don't anticipate having anything similar to this in the future if I were to leave for another job. In fact, for former teammates that is typically their top complaint once they leave our company. At home, I am lucky to have a wonderful wife who understands the frustration of the dishwasher and has indicated we can just hand wash for the time being and everything will be just fine.
4. Show yourself emotional grace. I am not often frustrated at my job. Overall, I think my job is challenging and I get to meet so many wonderful people. I don't often slow down and realize that when I am in an emotional funk and allow myself to just get through the mess, reset, and then get going again. I have learned that I don't always have to be perfect and I am allowed to have a full range of feelings. I would like a new dishwasher, but I want to make sure we have the perfect fit for our household. This has taken a little more time, so I am ok with having a little inconvenience (most importantly so is my wife, so happy wife, happy life). This allows me to provide myself with some grace for not solving this challenge immediately.

I am not actively seeking a new job. Do I have some tough days? Yes. Do I know all jobs have tough days? Yes. Did I learn somethings to help me emotionally? Yes.

Going back to the dishwasher, I found the one we want. A number of good reviews with people stating their feelings on the appliance. The review that put it over the top stated "this dishwasher has eliminated all of our feelings of anxiety with having a large family and a terrible dishwasher".

Over Labor Day weekend I went to Cincinnati with my youngest son Jamison. We were walking by the University of Cincinnati's baseball field and I told him "wow look at how nice that grass looks". Jamison simply turned to me and quipped "its turf dad".

So yes this just another reason why the grass might not be greener, it might just be turf.