Grandma Seizure

Leaders don't become dynamic or transformational because of a simple class or course—not even because of a job role or title. Everyone's leadership journey starts with a lived experience, compelling conversation, or core value they've always held in their soul.?

Think about yours.

In past Up articles, I've discussed my (several) origin story. But I realize I left out a pretty big one.

As a child, I was best friends with the next-door neighbor. We would play sports, have sleepovers, and chase after girls—all the things you'd expect from two carefree boys. But there was one thing that made our close bond unique:

Epilepsy.

Since birth, he suffered from seizures. Because he and I spent so much time together, his parents taught me about his challenges and how I should "respond."

As our friendship deepened, so did their trust in me.

After a while, his parents purposely enrolled him in all my elementary and middle school classes (because I was a trusted resource and could help calm him when seizures were overwhelming).

I was a safe space.

During this time, I was warned about his rare Grand mal seizures, which were more violent and unpredictable. (My young ears heard "Grandma" seizures and always assumed that's what they were called.)

Nevertheless, I knew how important it was to be there and provide support when/if they occurred.

I'll stop the story there.

What does this have to do with leadership?

I'm honored to say that my childhood experience taught me the "mother," the ultimate, foundational secret to leadership:

Empathy

From empathy, you develop strategy, emotional intelligence, team building, active listening, servant leadership, and collaboration.

And I'm not writing this as a "perfect" leader. I have not arrived.

Empathy says, "I care because you care." It says, "I feel because you feel." Empathy is not a weakness. Instead, it's a profound strength.

If you don't feel responsible to others, you can't call yourself a leader.

Leadership is not only a skill but an art form. And sharing feelings and managing emotional beings (humans) is the key to creating a masterpiece.

I learned many lessons from those times. When I coach others about empathy or kindness, it's not from a pie-in-the-sky, hippie-dippie place. It comes from a real experience.

As I mentioned, everyone's leadership journey starts with a lived experience, compelling conversation, or core value they hold in their soul.

Think about yours. Reflect as far back as possible, then write at least three experiences or compelling conversations. Next, respond to these promptings:

1. What core value did that experience uncover??For example, If you hold honesty in high regard, think about a moment when honesty first became important to you. Was it because a close friend betrayed your trust by telling an unforgettable lie? Or perhaps it was an old manager offering a sincerely honest perspective about your situation—a memory you've now cherished for years.
2. Why was/is this memory, experience, or conversation vital to me?
3. What hard- or soft skill (s) did that inform or demonstrate??How could this translate into a work task? Again, using honesty as an example, how would you incorporate that into your management style: Delivering transparent coaching sessions? Working with peers or upper management to ensure you facilitate fair and accurate appraisals? Writing or redefining internal procedures that uphold the company's moral and ethical code?
4. List additional instances when this core value/experience "came up" or manifested in your work or home life.

What is your origin story?