Stop Hitting the Door Close Button: A More Gracious Singapore Is Calling

Singapore is famously a “fine” city, and not just in the complimentary sense. The iconic T-shirt sums it up perfectly: importing chewing gum? $1,000 fine. Jaywalking? $300 fine. Feeding pigeons? That’ll be another $10,000. It’s cheeky, clever, and painfully accurate.

Rules have kept us clean, orderly, and efficient—a near miracle for such a densely packed red dot. But while fines make us law-abiding, they don’t make us kind. Compliance doesn’t inspire warmth, and if there’s one area we’re still working on as a society, it’s graciousness.

Prime Minister Lawrence Wong recently gave us a fresh challenge: “Our aspirations must go beyond material success. Let us build a society where everyone succeeds in being the best version of themselves, where we are more inclusive, gracious, and big-hearted.”

It’s bold. It’s hopeful. But it’s also daunting. How do you take a nation built on speed, meritocracy, and efficiency and inject it with the kind of graciousness that can’t be legislated?

Graciousness: More Than Just a Polite Afterthought

Graciousness isn’t about politely nodding at your neighbour while secretly wishing their kids would stop stomping down the HDB corridors during your afternoon nap. It’s about treating everyone—from the CEO to the hawker uncle—with dignity and respect, whether there’s anything to gain or not.

As Maya Angelou so brilliantly put it: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Graciousness is making someone feel seen, valued, and human. And it’s something we need a lot more of.

Breaking the Bias: Tackling Everyday Racism

It’s not uncommon to hear remarks like, “Indian drivers are the worst,” or “The mainland Chinese don’t follow our rules.” These comments may feel harmless in the moment, but they reveal an ungracious bias—one that’s both hurtful and unfair.

My husband and I arrived in Singapore—a very young couple with two suitcases, big dreams, and enough determination to rival any K-drama protagonist. Nearly three decades later, we’ve raised two proud Singaporean kids. But one day, when they head overseas to study or work, they’ll be the foreigners.

I often ask them: How would you feel if someone judged you solely on your race or nationality?

As Desmond Tutu so eloquently said: "My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.

Graciousness isn’t about tolerating people—it’s about embracing their humanity, recognising individuals over stereotypes, and giving the same respect we’d hope for ourselves.

The Social Media Jungle: Where Kindness Goes to Die

Ah, social media—the great leveller of opinions, where everyone has a platform and far too many have an axe to grind. Hiding behind anonymous usernames, we’ve all seen people lob insults, tear others down, and call it “honesty.”

Here’s a reality check: it’s not honesty—it’s bullying in disguise.

As Socrates observed centuries ago: "When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser."

Graciousness online isn’t about agreeing with everyone—it’s about disagreeing with respect. Let’s be real: what you post reflects more about you than the person you’re criticising.

Kindness in Criticism: Correct Without Crushing

We’ve all seen it: the diner berating a waiter over a cold dish, the boss scolding an employee in full view of their colleagues, or the wealthy customer talking down to service staff like they’re invisible. The excuse is always the same—“I’m just giving feedback.”

But here’s the thing: yelling doesn’t show strength—it shows insecurity. Correcting someone rudely or publicly humiliating them doesn’t elevate you; it diminishes you. And when you’re in a position of power—whether economic, social, or professional—that is precisely when graciousness matters most.

Because to truly lead, to truly inspire, requires humility.

Power isn’t an excuse to lord over others; it’s an opportunity to lift them up. Being in a position of privilege or authority means having the responsibility to set an example—to correct without crushing, to teach without tearing down.

As John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, wisely said: "It takes strength inside to be gentle with others."

Graciousness isn’t about avoiding hard conversations—it’s about having them with kindness and dignity. Because real leadership isn’t measured by how loud you can shout, but by how deeply you can connect.

What the World Can Teach Us About Graciousness

Graciousness doesn’t happen by chance. Other nations have woven it into their culture, policies, and daily lives. Here are some examples that Singapore can learn from:

1. New Zealand: Leading with Empathy After the Christchurch mosque attacks, then-Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern didn’t just respond—she embodied compassion. Her inclusive, empathetic leadership brought a grieving nation together.
2. Finland: Teaching Empathy in Schools Finland integrates emotional intelligence into its curriculum. Students learn conflict resolution and respect from a young age, creating a foundation for a kinder society.
3. Canada: Celebrating Diversity Through its Multiculturalism Act, Canada actively embraces diversity, ensuring all communities feel valued and included.
4. Japan: Everyday Civility Whether it’s bowing in respect or cleaning up after an event, Japanese culture thrives on small acts of graciousness that make a big difference.
5. Bhutan: Prioritising Happiness Over GDP Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness index measures success by well-being, sustainability, and harmony, proving that kindness can be a national priority.

The New 5Cs: A Gracious Upgrade

For decades, Singaporeans have measured success by the original 5Cs: Cash, Car, Credit Card, Condominium, and Country Club membership. But perhaps it’s time to rethink what matters most.

1. Compassion – Helping others, even when it’s inconvenient. Because the world needs fewer “not my problem” moments. “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” – Aesop
2. Courtesy – Respecting people, not just their positions. Respect isn’t reserved for VIPs—it’s for everyone. “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
3. Connection – Building bridges, not barriers. Because “us vs. them” is so last century. “We are not put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.” – Anonymous
4. Consideration – Thinking about how your actions affect others. It’s not hard: pause, think, don’t be a jerk. “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” – Caroline Flack
5. Community – Realising we’re all in this together. Because life’s better when we’re building each other up, not tearing each other down. “The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.” – Coretta Scott King

The Singapore We Want to Build

Imagine this:

• A society where people lift each other up, regardless of race, background, or status.
• A culture where disagreements spark dialogue instead of division.
• A nation where kindness and empathy are celebrated as much as achievement.

Graciousness isn’t about grand gestures or perfection—it’s about small, deliberate acts of kindness that add up to something extraordinary.

Singapore doesn’t need to choose between being “fine” and being kind. We can be both, but we must start somewhere.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—that is to have succeeded."

About Uma

Uma Rudd Chia is the co-founder and executive creative director of KVUR, a creative solutions agency powered by bold ideas and sustained by endless cups of kopi o kosong peng. A former political journalist and published author, she brings over two decades of expertise balancing family, creative leadership, and brand & marketing consultancy for the C-suite—all while owning the stage as a sought-after speaker. Effortlessly striding through life in six-inch Alexander McQueens, Uma proves that ambition and elegance aren’t mutually exclusive.

A proud Singaporean by choice, Uma lives with her wonderfully supportive husband, two teenagers (bubble tea addicts who test her patience and graciousness quota daily), and two fur babies. Equal parts geek and chic, she dreams of walking on Mars (preferably in fabulous shoes) and believes in building a smarter, sassier, and more soulful future.

Feel free to agree, disagree, and subscribe to her newsletter. Let’s make this little red dot a little brighter together—even if graciousness is sometimes tested in the battle of Gen Z wit versus parental wisdom.