Graced

Two days later I was on the phone talking with my mother in Beirut, Lebanon. My daughter wanted to speak with her so I handed the phone to her to chat about her grandmother’s upcoming visit.

“Teta, (Grandma in Arabic) there is a president here that doesn’t want Muslims to come to America. Teta, what happens if they don’t let you in?” I saw her wiping her tears silently. She hung up the phone after a brief conversation. My daughter then looked at me and said, “Kids can listen and play, you know. Mama, why don’t they want Muslims to be here?” I said, “Because some Muslims make very bad choices.” “But we don’t … do we?” she asked. “No, Mariam, we don’t, we don’t,” I answered and hugged her tightly. The conversation stopped there for my daughter, but it is far from over.

I started volunteering with the Islamic Resource Group, an educational outreach organization, after I became a certified speaker. We visit schools, universities, community centers and churches to talk about Islam and other related topics. We get asked the toughest of questions. The big difference is that a Muslim is answering them. That’s not often what we see in the mainstream media.
Just like Amir, the main character in Disgraced, I was born into a Muslim family. Even though I knew early on that there is something in Islam that is of great value, I decided to observe from afar and not identify as a Muslim because of the very same issues the play discusses: views of women, beheadings, stonings and so forth. They seemed to me like Stone Age practices that cannot work within our modern communities.

The more I distanced myself from Islamic teachings, however, the more I felt an emptiness in my heart. Finally, I decided to investigate more about the religion into which I was born, and what I found were amazing answers. Islam is now my source of peace and serenity. Just like a tree, a bird or any creation knows the reason for its existence and lives to fulfill it, so now do I.

With my branding and advertising background, I see that the problem with Islam is its murky image. It was left available for extremists and opportunists. Just like some of the most precious gems are covered with mud and found in dingy mines, so is Islam. So let’s clear some dirt and do some digging.

Why don’t you go back to where you came from?
There are about 6 million Muslims in the U.S. Half of them are actually home. They are either converts or second-generation Muslims, born and raised in the U.S. The Muslim population in the U.S. is one of the most diverse, accounting for almost every ethnicity, race and background. Islam is not meant to be related to a specific country. Islam is a way of life that manifests in a set of beliefs and practices that to a great extent is common with Christianity and Judaism. To the majority of Muslims, there aren’t any Islamic countries, but there are Muslim-populated countries. That’s a big difference.

Are men and women equal in Islam?
Physiologically, are they? No, they’re not. They are different. Islam talks about equity rather than equality. It takes into consideration women’s and men’s natural differences in describing their obligations, while keeping all options open for exceptions. “Women are the twin halves of men,” said prophet Muhammad, so which half is better?
Women’s and men’s roles are complementary rather than competitive. Women are honored as mothers, daughters, sisters, wives and members of society. However, some of the Muslim-populated countries are patriarchal in nature and their interpretation of Islam is limited to their own understanding of gender issues. Unless people investigate, they could be confused between what is cultural and what is Islamic. This is sometimes tricky even for Muslims themselves. For example, some women in Saudi Arabia might think that driving is a violation of their system of beliefs, while the religion itself does not say that.

Do all women have to cover their head?
While it is recommended at the age of puberty, this act of worship cannot be forced. Some Muslim women choose to wear the hijab, or head covering, and some don’t. The Islamic dress code is meant for its modesty. Islam’s ultimate goal is to attain perfect moral character, and this cannot be decided by a piece of cloth. The heart is the focus.

What on earth is Sharia law?
Just like any religion, Islam has governing laws that protect five basic freedoms: religion, life, consciousness, security and possessions. The laws protecting these rights can result in different verdicts at different periods and depending on communities. The ultimate goal of any legislation is to maintain or improve a community’s ethical values and protect the family, which is at the heart of a healthy community. There isn’t a modern interpretation of these laws given the absence of an official Islamic country.

Why do they hate us?
Hate is actually a sin in Islam. The Quran refers to Christians and Jews as “the people of the book” whom Muslims should honor and be kind to. “Whoever harms a person of the book, has harmed me,” said prophet Muhammad. In fact, Islam allows inter-religious marriages. Having said that, some of the injustices inflicted by political decisions in some Muslim-populated countries are driving individuals, or a group of individuals, to commit un-Islamic acts of terror that they justify in the name of religion. Hate is indeed blinding!

It’s hard to speak out, to defend a religion so dear to the people who embrace it. It was the final moments in a three-day program I was pursuing in Edina, when I asked the program leader if I could address the hundred people in the room. I knew that as the night came to a close, people would be exchanging hugs, which as a Muslim woman I cannot engage in with strange men. I took the microphone and asked the leader to demonstrate to the audience how to hug a Muslim woman. “With pleasure!” he said with a grin as he got close to me. “Take a step back please, put your right hand on your heart and lower your gaze,” I said with a confident voice and trembling hands. “My thoughts and aspirations are to be shared with the world, but my body is the privilege of one man.” I was amazed at the reaction of people and how accepting they were once they understood my values. It takes guts to speak out, but the results are well worth it.

I struggled while reading Disgraced because my experiences have been so very different. I struggled even more and watched in horror as our innocent friends from the LGBT community were being targeted by a disgraceful Muslim terrorist in Orlando. I feel a lot is unsaid. Unless we hear more “graced” stories, the conversations remain one-sided. The anti-Muslim rhetoric is loud and even profitable to some. I hope you agree that this conversation is worth having. Even more, my hope is that you are willing to listen.