Got Control Issues?

As a sailor for many years I had to learn very early that my task was not to try and influence the wind in my sails, but to do the best I could to take advantage of its direction, force and speed so I could ensure a safe and successful journey regardless of my destination.

Whether it was off the coast of Rhode Island fighting the currents and strong winds in Narragansett Bay or slowly moving from one island in the Caribbean to the next as the trade winds blessed my journey, the story is always the same – you can’t push or control the wind- all you can do is use your skills, instincts and experience to maneuver safely through it keeping your destination in mind.

Kind of like life sometimes wouldn’t you agree?

How often in the past few weeks have you tried to push or control the wind (your life circumstances)? I’ll bet if you stopped to think about it for a minute you would be surprised. Waiting in line or a traffic backup, waiting on hold on your telephone, waiting for someone for lunch, waiting for a boring meeting to end or waiting for someone to return your call or respond to a request. I could go on and on, but if you will stop for a minute and ask yourself – “I wonder how many times I have tried to push and control life’s passage today with my desire to have things my way - now?” Well, if it’s at least five to ten times a day consider yourself normal as most people get upset, stressed, anxious or even angry when things don’t go their way or on their schedule. Why is this? There are many topics that we could discuss regarding this subject, but I’ll keep it to only three in respect for your time.

Ego – The ego says – I am better, smarter, more important and more successful than you are. It believes that no matter who is in front of you in line that you should be able to cut in front of them. It believes that everyone should drop everything when you have made a request or a call. It acts like no matter who else is on the planet with you, you deserve to be first. 

Just today there was a five-car accident on a two-lane road near where I live. Everyone rear-ended the person in front of them and why – DUH – they were all too close to the car in front of them and going too fast when something beyond their control happened. My point – as we moved slowly past the cars the driver behind me was so close to me I couldn’t even see their headlights and they stayed that close as we got to the speed limit – I guess lesson not learned. Sorry folks when you are behind me driving - just because you are in a hurry doesn’t mean I need to be too. Sorry!

Discomfort or fear of uncertainty – You can’t change circumstances or challenges if you don’t confront them, however life often demands that we accept what is uncertain or lies ahead with a sense of faith, hope and trust. I know, not always easy, believe me. But, think about it – can you really control what waits around the corner when you don’t know what it is? Change is relentless and constant. Uncertainty is a normal part of every life regardless of your age, gender, race or any other circumstances.

The number one contributor to all illness and death is unmanaged stress. A major contributor to stress is our lack of acceptance of things we can’t control or impatience and therefore the need for control. Sorry, there is very little in life that is within your control.

Self-absorption – The world doesn’t revolve around you and never has or never will – I know - you think it should and believe it often does. Well – HELLO – it doesn’t and a major cause of anxiety and frustration in life is when you must confront the truth that you are not the center of the Universe. I have met more than my share of self-absorbed people during my life and global speaking travels (25 countries and counting) and I have to tell you most of them live with a great deal of fear, doubt, resentment and regrets.

 Until you can learn to accept that you are a part of the human family and as such regardless of your success, wisdom, experience or station in life you are no better than any others. Yes, there are a lot of bad, stupid, angry, evil and just crazy people out there in the world, but I will tell you that most of these folks have varying degrees of self-absorption that they just demonstrate in stupid or bad ways. I’m not implying that you if you have an issue with self-absorption you are one of them, but often some of our selfish or self-seeking actions may hurt others in some way directly or indirectly.