Gossip, Whiskey and Other Lost Lubricants of the Pandemic

As we return to offices and in person events, I can't help but think about the many organizational benefits we have lost in the pandemic. The incidental synergies we experience when we work with others in person and attend in person events are powerful -- way beyond just the work tasks we perform.

Among the "organizational lubricants" we are missing are gossip, whiskey, skinned knees and sharp elbows. Let me explain.

Gossip

I've always thought of organizational gossip as a negative, but while recently taking in "You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters" by Kate Murphy via audiobook, I was surprised to hear her say:

"Good gossip smells like bourbon to me. . . While gossip often has a negative connotation, it actually has a positive social function. There's a reason why as much of two thirds of adult conversation is gossip . . . We are socialized by the gossip we hear from our families, friends, colleagues, teachers and religious leaders. What are the Jesus parables and Buddha stories but recorded gossip?"

Murphy goes on to explain, "British anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar has studied gossip in conjunction with his work on friendship, and he told me that despite the widely held view that gossip is mostly malicious, only 3-4 percent of it is truly mean-spirited. 'Gossip is hanging over the yard fence, sitting on the stoop, rocking in the rocking chair,' he said. 'Most of it is discussing some difficulty going on between you and another person, but it's also about what's going on in the community and the status of people in the network -- who's fallen out with whom.' "

Wow! Informal communication and culture building surely has taken a hit in the pandemic.

Whiskey

I can't begin to tell you how many great things have happened for me in business over the lubricant of alcohol. There is something about having a drink with others that helps us connect on a human level. When I worked for Lincoln Financial Group, colleagues and I often stopped at the outdoor bar in our building courtyard for a cold beer before the drive home. It's amazing what one Stella on a hot day can do to bring people together.

I was recently talking with someone who wanted to have an important conversation with his boss about a raise and promotion he is hoping for. He was concerned about having it via Zoom, which is understandable for obvious reasons. He happens to be very social, as is his boss. With the office still closed, they decided to meet one evening at a bar. Over a few whiskeys they were able to talk about his desire to move ahead and thus made progress on his career goals. (Note: Neither I nor your HR leader endorse this as a "normal" procedure. But hey -- it's a pandemic!)

Skinned Knees

When we play hard, we're going to get some skinned knees. The bumps and bruises we experience in organizations under normal circumstance help us grow strong and tough and resilient. I know I've fallen down quite a few times, and my work buddies have chimed in with helpful comments such as "That's going to leave a mark!" Those observations and the good natured ribbing that can come along with our slips can be a wonderful part of our growth and the bonds that we feel with our work families.

I know these dynamics can happen on Zoom or Teams, but somehow it's just now the same. We need to smell and taste these visceral moments in the physical presence of other humans for the full effect.

Sharp Elbows

We may not like to think of it, but some of the best teams I have served on have had their share of tensions. As they say, without tension, the violin strings produce no music. When people are working hard and pushing ahead toward goals, sharp elbows thrown at each other can spur us on to greatness. Now I'm not suggesting that we actually hurt each other, but the point is that "mixing it up" with different points of view can be really productive.

Somehow, the virtual environment seems just a bit too sterile for this to work well. Disagreements can seem more formal and cold rather than collegial and productive. I think this has been really lost in remote work environments.

Talking to Strangers

With a tip of the hat to Malcom Gladwell and his wonderful book "Talking to Strangers," I recognize that bad things can happen when we talk to strangers. At the same time, Gladwell points out the positives that can happen when talking to strangers. Think about all the ideas, experiences and friendships you have gained through the years by meeting people at business conferences, on airplanes and in hotel restaurants. I am richer for those chance encounters and still share stories of people I have met and experiences I've had in more than 30 years of business events and trips.

The pandemic has taken a lot away from us and our organizations. I lift my glass of wine and toast -- here's to recapturing the organizational lubricants we've missed over the past many months.