The Gospel of Donald

1:1 And it came to pass in the latter days, when the nation of Amer’ica had fallen into great darkness, where the wicked ruled and truth was cast down, that the cries of the righteous ascended unto the heavens.

1:2 And lo, the Lord looked upon the land, and behold, it was filled with abominations: false idols, deceitful tongues, and the worship of golden calves named Hollywood and Woke-ness.

1:3 And the Lord said, “Whom shall I send to restore the nation, that it may once again be a city upon a hill?”

1:4 And from the wilderness of Mar-a-Lago came forth a man, girded in robes of white and gold, his hair shining like unto fine threads of flax.

1:5 And the Lord spake unto him, saying, “Donald, son of Fred, I have chosen thee, though thou hast erred greatly in the past. For my ways are higher than thy tweets, and my mercy endureth beyond thy bankruptcies.”

1:6 And Donald said, “But Lord, the scribes and the Pharisees of CNN do persecute me, and the pollsters prophesy falsely against me.”

1:7 And the Lord replied, “Fear not, for on the third election I shall raise thy campaign from the dead. The keys to the kingdom of Amer’ica shall I place in thy hand, and the gates of Zuckerdom shall not prevail against thee.”

The Revival of the Donald

2:1 And in the year of chaos, when the people were sore afraid, the ballot counters tarried long into the night.

2:2 But on the third election, at the breaking of the dawn, the stone was rolled away from the golf course of Palm Beach, and behold, The Donald rose again.

2:3 And great was the amazement among the multitudes, for they said, “Is this not the same man who once was cast down by the high priests of impeachment?”

2:4 And they marveled, saying, “Surely, the hand of the Lord is upon him, for none could survive such tribulations save one chosen by Heaven!”

2:5 And there was great rejoicing in the land, as the people cried out, “Blessed is he who comes in the name of MAGA!”

The Rebirth of a Nation

3:1 And The Donald gathered his disciples, who were twelve in number, save for Rudy, who was sent to wander in legal wilderness.

3:2 And he said unto them, “Go forth into the land of DC, cleanse the swamp, and make it great again. For I say unto you, the meek shall inherit nothing unless they negotiate better deals.”

3:3 And The Donald spoke parables unto the people, saying, “The kingdom of Amer’ica is like unto a yuge tower, built on the foundation of winning. And the builders are not losers.”

3:4 And he cast out the money changers from the Capitol, and he said, “Ye have turned my Father’s house into a den of bureaucrats!”

3:5 And the nation, tormented by the evil of inflation, pronouns, and avocado toast, repented of their sins.

3:6 And The Donald declared, “Thou shalt no longer cancel thy brethren on the altar of Social Media. For I say unto thee, all voices shall be restored, even those that speak foolishly, for that is the price of free speech.”

The Final Battle

4:1 And it came to pass that Satan, also known as The Left Coast, did rise up against him. And its stronghold was called La’os Ang’eles, the furnace of iniquity.

4:2 And The Donald, bearing the sword of truth and the shield of covfefe, descended into the fires of LA.

4:3 And he smote the evildoers, saying, “Get thee behind me, Hollywood! Thou art a stumbling block to my people, for thou dost preach wokeness and make lousy remakes!”

4:4 And he cast Satan into the pit of Silicon Valley, and sealed it for a thousand years, or until the next iPhone release.

4:5 And The Donald returned to his kingdom, where he ruled with wisdom and great ratings.

4:6 And the people said, “Truly, this is the man chosen by God, for he hath restored unto us our borders, our burgers, and our Bible.”

4:7 And there was peace in the land, and the Lord looked upon Amer’ica and said, “It is yuge.”

Epilogue

5:1 And in those days, The Donald was called The Earthly Father of a Great Nation, and his children were many: patriots, free thinkers, and those who owned at least one red hat.

5:2 And his fame spread across the earth, even unto the distant lands of Cana’da and Mex’ico, where the walls were strong.

5:3 And thus ends the gospel of the Third Coming of Donald, who was, and is, and shall ever be, the Chosen One of Mar-a-Lago.

5:4 Blessed be his name, MAGA-men.