Goodbye MongoDB, Hello...

As I round out week three of my career gap, I would like to take a moment to candidly share my thoughts surrounding this decision. I am incredibly grateful to have the privilege to leave the corporate world in order to reflect, rejuvenate, and discern the next step in my life. Having family, friends, and coworkers who have given me the support I needed to take this hiatus made the decision even easier. It truly is a gift to take this time to break out of my burnout cycle, slow down, evaluate my career, and continue to seek opportunities which bring my personal mission to life. Being mindful about the one short life we're given and how we're called to share in the work of others is something I did not have time to think about until now. I hope this post can inspire others to consider this even in the midst of the chaos of the corporate world.

The pandemic definitely impacted my decision to take this break. It forced myself, and countless others, to slow down and focus on the people around us. It reminded us of the impermanence of life. It pushed everyone further into a virtual world for school and work. The impact that this huge shift had on my own experience in a new role and new company was something I never anticipated. Remote onboarding proved to be challenging and the sense of belonging and purpose that I was looking for in work was hard to find. I realized that it was hard for me to initiate and form meaningful relationships without the usual office visits and breakroom discussions. The passion I have for my work is directly tied to the people I work with, the problems we solve, and the lives (and baked goods) that we share together. So unknowingly, I entered a vicious cycle: my lack of passion led to less engagement in meetings, leading in turn to the feeling of abandonment and indirection, which only exacerbated the lack of passion.

It was only after a family emergency took place that I was forced to address this cycle. Again, the frailty of our lives became very clear and the anxiety that I had been carrying in my career compounded with what was happening at home. Without communicating these challenges to my manager, I was slowly distancing myself again. It was only after my family member was out of the hospital that I took a breather and recognized the cycle that I was in. It was then that I realized that there were things within my control to change and I set forth to try and change them. I took a step back to refocus on the goals I wanted to accomplish in the short-term and created a very concrete plan that gave me the drive for results that I was looking for. From co-writing a product description doc to creating a dev rel journey map and curating quarterly planning materials, I was ostensibly back in the swing of things. However, while I was back to putting in my best effort, I was still uneasy and discontent.?It was actually only after a beautiful lectio divina experience (meditation on Bible verses- the gospel was what struck me that day), that I realized that my discomfort was tied to my burnout and vocational misalignment. I became acutely aware that this may not be the work I am called to share in. The next day, I submitted my resignation.

Months of discomfort led me to this realization that "failing fast" is not necessarily the approach that works for my career. While hopping from one team to the next, I realized that I never took time to do an RCA (root cause analysis) on why I was leaving. I also never thought about how new opportunities would align with my personal mission to uplift and equip others in order to create lasting positive changes in their lives and in their communities. Apart from optimizing for compensation, scope, interesting tech, title, and other indicators of what is generally characterized as success in the corporate world, I wasn't taking time to define success for myself. So it became evident that being mindful, taking time for silence and contemplation, was what I needed the most before taking the next step in my career.

For the next few months I will continue to treasure this time and spend it wisely with the people I care about and the things I am truly passionate about, while also leaving space for silence. I will take time to really see how I am called to serve others both within and outside of the corporate world. Making space for this mindfulness and personal reflection isn't something that needs to happen during a career break. I personally needed the time off to breathe and recalibrate after the perfect storm of events in my personal and professional life. However, whether it's through journaling, meditation, therapy, or religious practices like lectio divina, this habit of mindfulness and silence can be integrated into a busy work schedule as well.

So what will my break look like practically? Some things I will likely be pursuing outside of my time for silence, prayer, and R&R in these first three months include:

1. A pastry apprenticeship/starting a small online or pop-up bakery of my own
2. Getting more involved with youth ministry/parish life
3. Training for the NYC marathon
4. Travelling (visiting friends, going on more epic hikes, visiting churches, learning more about international cuisines, and potentially walking the Camino)
5. Leaning into my love for the arts: galleries, classes, concerts (An Evening with Itzhak Perlman was how I kicked off my break and it was life-changing, highly highly recommend. Seattle friends, his next show is tonight at Benaroya!)
6. Staying current with tech: poking around with app dev passion projects and guest lecturing

These bucket list items and personal projects aside, I look forward to gaining clarity on where and how I am called to serve others. Outside of the corporate world's definitions of success (i.e. compensation, title, scope), we can all ask ourselves more regularly, "how can I use the talents I have to help others? how do I want to be remembered by others at the end of my life?"