Goodbye Father. You lived well.

I lost my father about three weeks back. I was the one who was with him when he breathed his last while being on life support system in the hospital. I didn't register at first that he was no more. My first reaction was that of someone completely dazed. Its an inevitable truth and the thought of this moment crosses everyone's mind but you are never prepared. I didn't know what to do next? How do you break a news like this to your family. I was full of rage against everything - against myself for not being with him always, against the medical ecosystem which couldn't cure him and finally against God for taking him away. I was a zombie for a few days who was just going around without knowing what he was doing. And then came the dreaded day of cremation when we had to say our final goodbye to him. It was heart wrenching to say the least. Somehow I gathered courage to go through rituals. What I also realized that these rituals are part of the healing process wherein you get the feeling that the departed soul has reached its final destination. And then it had magical effect on all of us. Suddenly we were feeling lighter as if some pall of gloom had lifted upon us. We started reminiscing about the good times we spent when he was around. We were laughing out loud so much so that we were embarrassed about it.

It doesn't mean that we aren't sad. We are. We will always miss him. He was extremely jovial till the very end. He will never leave us. But we have decided to celebrate his life rather mourn. We are sure, he would have wanted us to do it as well. Afterall as the protagonist in Anand said, "Life should be big not long". My father's life was certainly big. Goodbye father. You will always remain with us forever.