Be Good to Yourself especially when Life gets Tough....

Be Good to Yourself especially when Life gets Tough...

The first few months of our calendar year can be dark and dreary and seems to make some people feel very depressed and down and contemplating ending one's life and in some cases people do with many doing it in our midst. SADLY as I write this thought I am praying daily for a family and group of friends of a beautiful young woman who entered the water of the River Corrib a week or so ago cIose to where I live that I tried to save along with our amazing Emergency Workers who sadly passed away shortly after she entered the water. I am so upset for her and especially for her family and friends. I was there at the time running along the Claddagh pier and Claddagh Walk way with our great Gardaí and Emergency people and I was carrying and trying to help with the life buoy that I grabbed from one of the poles down by the Claddagh side of the River Corrib. It was awful scary and happening so fast but I kept running with the Emergency Services to try and see could we see her or save her. People don't realise the great work our great and wonderful emergency services people do, such as the RNLI, the Gardai, the Fire Services, the Ambulance people, the Helicopter Rescue team, the boat people of the claddagh community and the fisherpeople of Galway as they were amazing and the way they cared for her as the women and men in the lifeboat along with 2 claddagh fishermen lifted her out of the water and brought her to the docks for the gardai and ambulance man and woman to bring her to hospital. I had hoped and prayed she would survived but alas she didn't and I am so shook up about it. I lit a candle just now for her and her family and friends and a special candle for all the emergency workers in our Country as I sit and write this thought. I am so sad now thinking about it all as I write. Our Emergency Workers are heroes and heroines and are the unsung back bone angels of our communities and our society.

Saying a prayer and lighting a candle for whoever needs one or anyone that is worried or in pain at this time. Its OK to be not OK but its also OK to ask for help or to talk to someone you trust or who cares for you. Please mind yourself, look after yourself, love yourself and love others. Let's smash the stigma that surrounds us all! Talk to a family member, a friend, a neighbour, a relative, a colleague and ask them if they're doing ok. Mental illness is often easy to conceal, but never easy to escape. Please reader, love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful and amazing things. Suicide is claiming the lives of at least 700 or more people each year in Ireland which is so frightening that it has become such an option especially for so many young people. Why are we not as a country doing more to try and help people who are suffering from mental health issues and different types of mental illnesses. Why can’t we invest the funds like we did when road traffic accidents were at such a high a number of years ago. Suicide as the saying goes is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It’s important for all of us to know that there is help out there with various Charities, Churches and HSE programmes. It's important for all of us to know that we can go to our GP for appropriate assessment and treatment or to trained counselors and professionals provided by the many schools, universities and various charities if we are in need of help and support. People and I mean me and you, all of us need to have a chat, to have a conversation, to have a walk and talk with ourselves and with each other!!!!

Courage and Honesty

Let me be honest with you as I write this thought, which I always do after I have lit a candle and said a prayer for all who will read it. I am definitely not okay at times. At times I need help. I need support. I need care. I need love. At times I feel wrecked. There I said it!! We should all say it and have a good honest to God chat about how we feel at times. At times I am not okay. I do get stressed, and I am a total worrier. I worry about my family. I worry about my friends. I worry about my work colleagues and I worry about the things I have to achieve with work. At times I am sad and sometimes confused. I can be distant. At times I worry that I may not have the resources or wisdom to help my family through the journey of life. Indeed there are times when I feel alone albeit that I am surrounded by loving and caring people. I get upset about things in life and in our world, particularly injustice in society. So at times I am not okay. At times we are all not okay. And you know what. That’s okay. Because I know I won’t always feel this way. As my good friend David says to me regularly during our weekly get together's, "This too shall pass." Giving myself time, I will figure things out. I will discover or rediscover my purpose or focus in life. I will be okay. I am lucky because feeling sad or down is temporary for me, and while I am regularly stressed and worried, I know I will be okay. What I have found out as I move through my 52nd year, is that sometimes society isn’t too keen on shows of weakness. We are expected to be the picture of health, fitness, beauty and knowledge. There is a lot of pressure on us all. We must be strong and determined. We put pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time although that pressure may come from others, a family member, a friend, a colleague, although they might not even know they are doing it, but you know it and you feel it. I personally find it exhausting trying to live up to that expectation. At times I don’t know why I keep trying. As well as that, I have always been self-critical. I beat myself up over tiny things, the smallest mistakes. I have a large blackthorn stick as my friend David would say to me, that although it's imaginary I beat myself up with it daily. I’ll over analyze conversations and events, wondering if I said the wrong thing and what the other person thinks of me now. I lose sleep over decisions even the one's I made years ago, wondering what I could have done differently or said differently. I have let people down especially those closest to me at times. I often get wrapped up in trying to be perfect, in trying to please everyone around me except those who mean the world to me, my family and close friends. I have to regularly remind myself that it’s a fruitless cause. Perfection doesn’t exist although at times you try to convince yourself it does. You can’t make everyone happy all the time. And I’m learning that that’s okay even if I have already spent over 52 years in this world of ours on this journey called Life trying to do exactly that!! I am learning to forgive myself for not being perfect. And I’m learning to forgive myself for not always being okay. Because right now as I write this thought for the week, I’m not. But I also know that I have the ability to change that and that who I am makes a difference for good in our world.

Who I am makes a Difference

"A teacher in a school decided to honor each of her Leaving Cert students by telling them the difference they each made. First she told them how each student made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted on it, "Who I Am Makes a Difference." Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact, ‘recognition’ would have on a community. She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment recognition ceremony. One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon. Then he gave him two extra blue ribbons, and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment recognition ceremony going." Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He told his boss that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon. His surprised boss said, “Well, sure." The junior executive placed the blue ribbon on his boss's jacket. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people." That night the boss came home to his young daughter and sat her down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I'm a creative genius." Then he put this blue ribbon that says "Who I Am Makes a Difference" on my jacket. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you. "My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough marks in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great child and I love you so much!" The startled girl couldn't stop crying. Her whole body shook. She looked up at her father and said through her tears, "I was planning on doing something really bad to myself tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't think you loved me. Now I don't need to because I know you truly do."

You are Awesome

I have found out over time that it is so important to acknowledge to yourself how you are truly feeling. Also, to check how your family, friends and colleagues are feeling at times. It is so important to not only identify, but also to verify our feelings. Be honest about how you feel even if you don’t think people will understand or relate or care. I can’t count the number of times someone has asked me how I am and I respond with “I am good” or "I am the finest" when I’m really not. It’s my automatic response to that type of question. And it doesn’t do me any good. It doesn’t make me feel better, sometimes I feel worse for not being honest. I try to go to my local church mass every evening, if I am in the vicinity, and it is there that I have my chat with God!!! I learn to acknowledge the negative feelings and offer them up. I have learned not to be afraid to admit that I am having a bad day or a rough week, or a hard month. It’s okay. We all have them at some point. That's life as they say. What I’m still learning to do though, is not sink into the feeling. That’s when it becomes difficult for me to get out of the situation or rut that I might find myself in. I remind myself that I will feel better at some point and my personal faith in God through prayer helps me get myself back out of the dark place that I might be in and out into the light again. A few other things that help me is, a good night sleep usually does the trick. Or going for a walk or a run. Or writing things out on paper or doing what I am doing now, writing a thought for the week. Sometimes I call one of my closest friend's Paul, because I know he will tell me jokes and lift my spirits. It's important, I think, well in my case anyway to find something that works for you so you don’t get stuck in the “not okayness” for too long. The motto for the "Cycle against Suicide" Charity says, "It’s okay to not be okay", I have found during this journey of life that it's alright to reach out to people and say, "hey I’m kind of in a bad way here right now and I was wondering if you could say an extra prayer for me or light a candle for me or give me one of your great hug's or I need your ear for a few hours can you listen?" It’s okay for us to answer to the question, "How are things?" to say “not so good, can you help me out?”. It’s okay to let people see you cry, it doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you have enough courage to not hide who you are. It’s okay to need someone to sit with you in silence for awhile just because you can’t be alone. It’s okay to have those days where you don’t accomplish anything because you just don’t want to go out the front door. What’s not okay is not wanting it to change. What's not okay is not asking for help and support. So please reach out for help, say a prayer, light a candle, sing out loud to your favourite song, enjoy some coffee or tea with a good and close friend, read one of your favourite book's, call a friend and don't be afraid to get help from a charity or from a professional body. I really believe the saying a problem shared can be a problem halved and when we share our problems with someone who truly cares, or with a qualified professional we can get help and support. Then go take on the world because, you know you can do it. Please love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful and awesome things!

A Final Thought...

As a final thought, remember, everything will be okay if we love and believe in ourselves, and understand that hope floats around us and when we can we should always spread that hope and love with others especially those who mean the most to us. Also know that the best of help can be got from contacting some of Ireland's best charities and organisations in the Samaritans, Pieta House, Aware, Jigsaw, St. Vincent de Paul, your local GP's, your local religious, Chaplain's, HSE groups and various qualified counselors, your close friends and family members who love you. Always check in on your friends and family always—including the strong ones. Let me finish this thought with a prayer I say when I am in a dark place that helps me, "Dear God, The darkness has taken hold of me and I am finding it hard to find my way back to the light. In this moment, ending it all seems like the best option, the only option, the only way to escape. Yet, there is something in me that wants your light to snuff out this darkness. So I ask, Lord, that you would do just that. You are the only light that can shine in the darkness. I know when I’m consumed with thoughts of death I’m believing lies from the enemy. I ask Lord that you would remind me of these truths: when I feel alone, you are with me; when I feel invisible, you see me; when I feel worthless, my value is knowing you and being known by you. Lord, help me to understand that you are enough, because you are everything I need and more. Remind me that when I feel hopeless, you have hope in me and for me. Remind me that when I don’t have the words to cry out to you, your son Jesus is praying for me, and your Spirit intercedes for me with groanings too deep for words. Let this remind me that I am seen, heard and deeply loved. I often feel out of place in this world. I don’t fit in and I’m not sure I want to. Remind me that this world is not my home and while, as your child, I will never fit in here, my time here isn’t over. Not yet. Please, give me the desire to live. When I feel like I don’t matter, remind me that I was created with purpose. When I don’t know or understand why I feel the way I feel - remind me that you know the depth of pain in my heart, in my body and in my being. You know me better than I know myself and yet you still love me. When I feel like my death would go unnoticed because my life seems to go by uncelebrated, remind me that you celebrate me and that you hurt for me when I’m in this dark place. Remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am worth more than I know. Remind me that suicide or hurting myself or others is not the only option. Remind me to love you, to love myself and to love others. As I say these words I know in my heart that you love me and I feel incredible guilt for wanting to take the life you gave me. I feel embarrassed to admit these thoughts to you. I feel overwhelmed that you know these thoughts without me even saying them, and yet you still love me. Remind me that Jesus did not come to earth and die for me so that I could live a defeated life. Help me to desire life and to live fully in you. In Jesus precious name, Amen." Please everyone in a good sense and way, “Be Good to Yourself.”