'Good Woman' Stereotype is a Block to Bliss
Unhappiness comes from many things.
Some say brain chemistry.
Some say negative situations.
Some say lack of self awareness.
Some say lack of present moment awareness.
Some say lack of money.
Some say lack of faith.
Some say lack of optimism.
Some say lack of meaning or purpose.
There are so many reasons people claim to be unhappy.
I have heard it all and each unhappy person thinks they are the worst case.?
As you probably know, women tend to be more depressed more often than men.?
Statistics say double the amount!
Men tend to remain quiet about their struggle with depression and unfortunately a lot of times end up taking their own lives.?
I conversed with hundreds of people about their happiness or lack there of and I have found a pattern among women.
A block to their bliss.
It is ingrained deep in the female psychology.
The desire to be a ‘Good Woman.’
This pattern is based in the work of Distinguished Professor Carol Gilligan’s in feminism and identification of the self.
The good woman stereotype.
This ‘good woman’ puts everyone else’s happiness before her own.??She believes when everyone around her is happy she will be too.??Then complication sets in when day to day experiences unfold. This includes a multitude of external situations of life and how people’s emotional reactions are a roller coaster in response to them.? The good woman ties herself to any situation to ‘aid’ in the betterment of those she loves.
Little does she know her self sacrifice is actually harming the situation at hand!
This pattern among women is a barrier that must be addressed when it comes to the inability to grasp happiness from the inside; let alone sustain it.
I have heard from women all over the world from each continent tell me the same thing.
They focus on those around them instead of themselves.
Gilligan calls this the?ethic of care .
Understandably so, women are care takers.??We are self sacrificial for those we love. We would throw ourselves in front of a bus for our loved ones life to be saved.
Some may argue this is a virtuous quality, yet it is highly consequential of one’s own well-being.
The more we focus on those around us the less we focus on ourselves hence depression and disease ensue.
The good woman, forgets what it is like to be herself or care for herself because her servitude has become so deeply ingrained in her psyche.
This ethic of care, seems to be in the female DNA and is a culprit of a lot of misery and unhappiness in women.
Putting the good woman to the side for a moment …
The 14th Dalai Llama encourages us ?
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“We can never obtain peace in the outer world
until we make peace within ourselves.”
Dr. Gilligan verifies most women are looking outside of themselves for happiness by making those around them happy, and the Dalai Lama guides us to find peace within ourselves : an inner struggle occurs and unhappiness is the consequence.
The very idea that we can ‘make someone else happy’ is a misnomer.
Only you can become emotionally empowered.
Only you can create a frequent positive mood.
Only you can be resilient when faced with adversity.
Only you can develop deep inner contentment.
Only you can achieve states of bliss and joy.
Again, led in the wrong direction by our societal mainstream and DNA patterning.
What is the role of the good woman stereotype in depression and sustainable happiness?
PSYCHOLOGY - Esteemed gender psychologist articulates the notion of care of others over care of self.
SPIRITUALITY - World-renowned spiritual teacher guides us to create inner peace before service of others.
SCIENCE & MEDICINE - One in five women are depressed according to leading edge medical research at the?Mayo Clinic .
Generation after generation, women are taught this misnomer of behaving like the good woman.
Put others before yourself.
When it comes to happiness, this is clearly a failed strategy!
I would like to propose a different path toward happiness.
One that provides emotional empowerment, a program to create frequent positive mood, practical tools for resiliency, a clear road map for contentment and quick tips to bliss.
Follow the advice of the airlines, first save yourself then save the person next to you.
When you have achieved inner happiness, it contagiously spreads up to three degrees according to?Harvard research ?in 2008.
Instead of following the generationally taught good woman behavior of tending others before self; I want to encourage women?to listen to the Dalai Llama and focus on self before others.
Happy Wife = Happy Life
Obviously you care about the happiness of those around you yet I am offering a different strategy other than the good woman to achieve?better results for you and your loved ones.
Let your loved ones feel your own warmth, empowerment, positivity, resiliency, contentment and bliss through emotional contagion. Live by example.
Instead of:
Forgetting yourself, sacrificing yourself, seeking to blindly fulfill impossible needs of those around you; which leaves you feeling stressed, vacuous and discontent. Consequently this behavior creates shallow relationships based on the ever-changing landscape of external reality.
Which one leads to greater states of bliss and enhanced well-being for everyone involved?
Learn 5 Steps to Sustainable Happiness and see your life and those around you uplift. See the benefits of learning how to be happy from the inside and care take those around you by offering the experience of being happy yourself.
What kind of life can you create from this place?
Bliss is no longer blocked; it is mind blowing.
Dr. Aymee Coget