The Good Vulnerability

There was time when my stomach would give a churn if in a meeting, I was asked a question and I didn’t have an answer. I would deeply hesitate to express - I don’t know. It didn’t matter who was asking me the question. The feeling of despondency was uniform. And my non-verbal expression gave away my discomfort and vulnerability.

?However, over the years of self- reflection, I have learned to tame my vulnerability and have realized that there is something called ‘good vulnerability’ as an unknown question, problem, challenge opens new possibilities and new learnings.

?While the term ‘good vulnerability’ may be an oxymoron, but ‘good vulnerability’ makes us humane.

?Many of us constantly feel the need to be cautious and watch out not to expose our inner most impressions, should it lead to creating a misconstrued perception, fear of rejection or at times the shame or guilt of not conforming to the ‘expectations’.

But how much and how often should we hold ourselves back in freely expressing without jeopardizing our relationships and equations. And is it fair to be constantly on guard!

?There is a merit in sharing our raw emotions, our moments of failure, our moments of despair.

?Usually, vulnerability is linked to a negative emotion. It is mostly projected as a symbol of being weak, not being in control of self, being chaotic. Something, that we may find ourselves fully or partially guilty of having been there! ?

?However, being vulnerable is about being unsure but authentic, taking risks, taking a leap of faith in emotionally exposing self! At the core, vulnerability is about facing our apprehensions, fear, and guilt; it is about having courage. Courage to be imperfect. ?

?In today’s world, where everyone is keen in showcasing a really perfect personal and professional life, being vulnerable seems real.

?At times, it is necessary to be real to conquer negativities. Vulnerability in fact prompts us to ask ourselves pertinent questions and absorb new ideas / possibilities.

?In my experience, vulnerability is that bridge that transcends clutter to clarity!

?Vulnerability will give rise to conflicts, but that’s good! ?Through the mitigation of such conflicts emerges clarity on issues that may have been suppressed and caused pain and anguish.

?Vulnerability strengthens relationships. Many of the genuine and strong relationships emerge from being honest and transparent with each other. When all face masks come off and we are comfortable with just being ourselves in presence of others without feeling of being judged, it gives rise to pure joy, empathy and openness.

?Now, coming to the key question of how much vulnerable should we be? ?

?Well, there is no such degree of vulnerability that can be exposed. It all boils down to our own personal courage to be authentic. Having said that, let us try taking these baby steps towards developing ‘the good vulnerability’.

?1.???? Make a mental note of what do we want to express / share – While we may feel the urge to just express freely and fully, take a pause, think, make a mental note of what you would really like to share. There needs to be certain perimeter to the vulnerability. That’s why I call it as ‘good vulnerability’ as you are conscious of what you want to express. Let us remember – every reaction will invoke another reaction and are we ready to face that!

2.???? Test the water before plunging – try with smaller, known allies with whom you are comfortable. See how they react, respond. Take their suggestions

3.???? See the pattern – Every time, you have been honest with your ‘good vulnerability’, what is the common denominator in terms of response / reaction. This pattern can either be a catalyst making you feel more comfortable or reveal something more about yourself.

4.???? Develop the attitude of ‘growth over perfection’ - Replace perfection with a commitment to learn, unlearn, and at times relearn. We often fear vulnerability as we believe it undermines our competence or authority. However, when the focus shifts from being flawless to being adaptable and willing to learn, vulnerability becomes a strength.

5.???? Be comfortable to seek support – There is no shame in asking for help! That in fact is the first step towards embracing vulnerability.

6.???? Acceptance of uncertainty – Accept that not everything is going to be in our control. Vulnerability involves acknowledging that outcomes may not always align with expectations. And that’s ok. As long as we are better selves today than yesterday, we are good!

?During a recent leadership development program journey, I was in 1-1 coaching session with one the leaders. This leader was quite disturbed to have received peer feedback. Receiving the peer feedback per say wasn’t the issue, the challenge was he felt that his peers could see through him and he felt exposed even though the feedback was collected anonymously. However, I coached the leader to be comfortable with being uncomfortable and we were able to break down the causes of this discomfort. It wasn’t an easy process but staying on course with my coachee, providing him with a safe environment to feel self, real and raw helped him open up and we were able to draw out an action plan how to work on some of the feedback areas.

?As leaders, when we ourselves practice vulnerability, we foster conditions for collective growth, trust, and collaboration.

?Are you open to practice ‘good vulnerability’ as it is truly liberating!