It Is Good to Talk: A Journey Through Mental Health
By Kevin Colborne, Head of Business Intelligence and Data Analytics
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Mental health is something that affects us all. Whether it's a fleeting moment of anxiety, the lingering weight of depression, or the complex aftermath of trauma, we all have our battles. The stigma around mental health has lessened over the years, but the journey to openly discussing it can still be a challenging path to navigate. This year’s Men’s Health Awareness Week theme is ‘Men don’t talk’, so I want to share a personal story that celebrates the mantra: it is good to talk.
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Back in the mid-2000s, I was going through a transitional period in my life. I had lived separately from my children for a few years and moved from Hampshire to Devon, with my children remaining in Hampshire. In my mid-20s, I found myself out of employment due to relocating. I hit the lowest point in my life and found myself at a train station late at night, standing on the platform, contemplating ending my life. At the last moment, I was lucky enough to think of the people I would leave behind and my actions' lasting impact on them. I walked to the local hospital and broke down in tears at the front desk, desperate for help and guidance. The NHS staff were lovely and comforting, but they could not provide tangible support. I had not registered with a local GP, so they directed me to some local organisations and provided some leaflets. Once they felt I was OK to leave, they sent me on my way; I was in the hospital for less than an hour.
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At that point, I had the brief realisation that I was the person who had to look for the answers. I had to understand why I felt the way I did, and I would find ways to deal with those feelings. But in reality, I didn't. I was just lucky enough that circumstances resulted in me being able to fill the void with things that kept those feelings at bay—a bit like a jack-in-the-box with a bit of sticky tape holding the lid down. Around this time, I secured a new job working for MAXIMUS on their in-work support team. I had support from my wonderful girlfriend (she's put up with me for 15 years now), and I had regular contact with my two children. So, life kept me busy, especially at work.
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Fast forward five years or so, and an event in my life managed to rip that sticky tape right off. No need for details, but it was an event that shook my existence more than I realised at the time. At this point in my life, I was comfortable. I had moved through various roles at MAXIMUS and was just starting a new role in the Quality and Compliance team (literally the day after the event happened). I was happy in my relationship and still saw my children regularly. Life was really good.
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It wasn't until a few years after this event that certain feelings, emotions, and even childhood memories started to lift the lid on the jack-in-the-box. I felt a spiral that I had never felt before, a darkness that felt unmanageable. I was able to speak to a couple of people close to me—my girlfriend and a couple of really close work colleagues—and they all gave the same advice: it would be good for you to speak to a professional.
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I was fortunate to now be in a position where I could afford to pay for therapy, and I found a local therapist who seemed to fit. I know that not everyone has this luxury, and the cost of therapy can be a significant barrier. However, there are many other avenues for support, such as community services, helplines, and support groups, which can also provide valuable assistance. Although, at first, therapy felt awkward and sometimes unnecessary, I persevered and have now seen the same therapist for the last five years. It was only recently that I managed to speak about the childhood trauma that had resurfaced and deeply affected my mental health.
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The stigma surrounding men's mental health can often prevent men from seeking the help they need. Societal pressures to appear strong and unemotional make it difficult for men to open up about their struggles. Addressing this issue requires promoting healthy masculinity, encouraging open conversations, normalising seeking help, and raising awareness about the impact of these societal pressures.
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Despite the progress in reducing stigma, it has still made me hesitant to share this piece. The fear of judgment and misunderstanding can be overwhelming, but sharing our stories is crucial in breaking down those barriers.
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The overarching theme here is that it might take time, but it is good to talk. Opening up about our struggles can be the first step towards healing, whether with friends, family, or a professional. As we mark Men’s Health Awareness Week, let's remember that we are not alone in our battles and that talking about them can make all the difference. It truly is good to talk.
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Where to Get Support
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, there are many resources available for support:
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Opening Up About Your Struggles
If you're finding it difficult to talk about your mental health, here are some steps you can take:
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Remember, you are not alone. Reach out and talk to someone.