This is Good: Relationships Run The World

HIGHTOWER UPDATE // WEEK OF OCTOBER 7th, 2024

This is Good is being updated (improved?) to be a weekly update for the HIGHTOWER network of investors, founders, and friends. The content will feel the same but format will include some additional elements. My hope is you find this even more worth your time.

That said, your time and inbox are precious, and I want to treat both with great care. If this new version of This is Good is not a “hell yes” for you, then please feel no hesitation to unsubscribe. Now, I hope you enjoy this week’s update.

Like many of you, I am a dutiful follower of the religion for entrepreneurs known as Founders Podcast.

Yesterday, during my weekly spiritual discipline of listening to the show, David said a phrase that made me stop my 1.5X speed:

“Relationships Run the World”

Here is what he was saying:

Find people you’d dream of working with. Prioritize and optimize for those relationships. Over time, build an unbreakable web of trust with them. The long-term compounding benefits of this are beyond imagining. Relationships run the world.

This struck me as profoundly true.

It made me reflect with gratitude on the embarrassment of riches that are my relationships.

A gratitude which had me thinking about the relationships I spent time with at the annual Teneo Retreat this past week and thinking forward to the relationships I get to see at the upcoming Main Street Summit.

A gratitude for new relationships I have been privileged to spend the past two days with. Incredible, talented, off the chart people all pursuing the most important questions in life.

Ultimately, I thought of the most important relationships I need to optimize for. This returned me to a reflection about my relationship with my son. The dichotomy of my longing for his flourishing combined with my vast imperfection (you could say my list of faults as long and distinguished ) made me consider how a perfect Father might act in a relationship with His child.

Relationships do run the world and the quality of our relationships is directly proportional to the quality of our life. If any of the below spurs you to prioritize your most important relationships, that would be very good indeed.

THIS IS GOOD: FORT PODCAST AND JASON ILLIAM

First, I thought it may be helpful to share a great framework on how we prioritize our relationships that jason illian shared on Chris Powers Fort Podcast. Just listen to the intro of the episode below or listen to the full episode for further greatness.

https://youtu.be/ql-m0xgF3m8

Jason reminds us, “You can’t build unlimited close relationships.”

There has to be a prioritization.

He outlines a three-tier model:

1. Community: This is your 20 or 30 closest relationships—the people you deeply trust. If they call you, you call them back immediately.
2. Network: The next 50 or 70 people in your circle. In this next rung there is the beginning of deeper trust which is growing. Anyone of these relationships can become part of your trusted community.
3. Ecosystem: This is everyone else. It is the goal to move relationships from ecosystem into your network.

The reality that Jason points out is we can't be close-knit with 150 people.

We have to prioritize for a selected community while at the same time discern who to bring into the fold.

How we aim for and select for our “community” is one of the most important things we can think about.

TENEO RETREAT

Teneo has been an organization for me is filled with the best version of community, network, and ecosystem.

I can’t describe what my life would be like without Teneo.

It’s definitely a richer and more full life. One with more optimism for the future of my country and astonishment that I am one degree away from the most incredible person.

I often say if I or someone I love is diagnosed with cancer the first network I’m going to for help is Teneo.

That’s pretty incredible being that the purpose of the organization is to shape the future of our culture positively.

Teneo inherently understands that this “shaping” must start from forming relationships.

At last week’s retreat, there were heads of state, titans of industry, and literally the future leaders of our country all in a room.

Amongst all these incredible people who are shaping the future of our country what was the most impactful moment for me?

A smaller group of men who I am blessed are in my community. We have been meeting for over two years as each others advocates and boards of directors. We have been fighting for each other and with each other. Telling the truth to each other. The truth about troubles and triumph.

In this group we’ve had miscarriages, marriages in trouble, best selling books launched, companies started, and companies lost.

We met and a small hotel room amongst this incredible network and had one of our most important sessions yet of truth telling and community.

I cannot wish anything more for you than you find a subset in your community you can tell the truth to and be known by.

MAIN STREET SUMMIT

Today, I am heading MainStreet Summit. This feels like Christmas to me.

How to describe Main Street Summit ?

Think of it as a Woodstock of the most incredible people that you would want to have in your network.

A burning man of business owners, operators, investors, and just frankly people I want to be like when I grow up.

Why is this conference so unique?

The Permanent Equity team knows that relationships rule the world. They optimize for it.

They focus on relationship over transaction and it just happens to create the most aligned transactions.

If you are going to Main Street Summit, please look me up. I’d love to get time with you…

WHAT BEING AN IMPERFECT FATHER TEACHES ME

Above the “community” is an even more treasured set of relationships that we should prioritize and optimize for. This is a reflection on one member of this most special and sacred group.

A few week’s ago my son turned 13! It’s impossible to describe how much I love him. How proud I am and how much hope I have for him. I can see the incredible hero’s journey ahead for his life. It is clear to me he is learning, growing in, and walking in his true identity.

He’s a Conscientious Leader. He’s keenly aware…you can just see it in his eyes. It creates an attractiveness that draws people in. It makes him uniquely funny and cool. Is his false self, he can be prone to anxiety caused by unhealthy fear. A fear rooted in wanting to control things he can’t. Healing in this area will be a big part of his journey. In his true self, he’s going to be someone I just want stewarding a lot … he’s simply made to deeply care for things. Over time he’ll learn that his true identity gives him unique gifting to steward resources that are spiritual and relational in addition to financial. His journey is just going to be awesome. Adventure, challenge, abyss, gaining earned strength, giving this strength to others. Becoming more and more of who he truly is. It will be so hard. It will be so great. I find myself overcome with longing and hope for him. And….I would do anything so that he walks this journey well. Never to remove any good pain or abyss that is needed for him (as painful as it will be for me). Always beside him, whispering encouragement and truth in his ear, reminding him that he is loved and he has what it takes. I share all this to make this next point especially clear to you my friend. I am a (highly) imperfect father. Emphasis on the “highly” part. Walk into my home on an average weekday night and I promise you, you would not be asking me to write a parenting book! So here is a thought experiment given my shortcomings combined with the reality that everything I shared above barely scratches the surface of my hope for my son: Imagine how a PERFECT Father would feel about you and your journey. Perfect in love and wisdom. Perfect in every way. How much more would this Father hope for you? How much more would He long to see you become your true self and to walk in your true identity? How much more would He be beside you, whispering truth and encouragement in your ear? How much more pain would He have for you in your abysses? How much more joy knowing it’s what you need to have more freedom, joy, and power on the other side? I want to contend that perfect Father is a reality for you and for me. My hope is you hear that Father whispering (shouting!) in your ear words of encouragement and truth. Keep going son, keep going daughter. Your journey is beautiful, hard and on purpose and all things are working together for good as you become more and more who you were made to be.

HIGHTOWER NETWORK

• We are hosting dinners in multiple cities for Giovanni Bonneli Group in October. These dinners are for potential aligned partners. If you attend one of these dinners can expect us to optimize for relationship, hospitality, and of course excellent wine. If you would like to attend or know someone who may, let me know.
• If you will be at Main Street Summit and want to hang out, give me a shout. My hope is you would be become part of my community or network in the process.