There are no good options

I was on a Zoom call yesterday and the meeting lead asked us to change our names to one word to describe how we’re feeling. There were 20 of us, and 19 of the words were some variation on ‘burnt-out’ (frazzled, beat, tired, stressed, over it - you get the idea). The constant uncertainty we’re living through is taking a toll on everyone. 

One of the biggest areas of uncertainty? School. Even if you’re not a parent, you can’t turn on the news, open your phone, or read a newspaper without seeing something about it. And for good reason: it’s a disaster with zero clarity and no good options. We should have focused on schools from the beginning. We didn’t. And now parents and kids are paying too heavy a price. On top of that, we’re facing a judgement problem. That’s not helping. 

Large public school districts across the country are announcing delayed starts, hybrid models, and continued remote learning. We know that distance learning this spring dramatically accelerated existing inequities in this country, so we can assume continuing it will further exacerbate those problems. That gap has been growing for years, and COVID made it far worse. 

Parents are now faced with a set of imperfect solutions. They all have problems and no one wants to choose any of them. But we have no other options. It’s no wonder that parents are taking matters into their own hands. There’s a lot of controversy surrounding both schools and the many different solutions that parents are putting into place - be it micro-schools, shared ‘pandemic pods’, a parent leaving the workforce, or anything else. I understand the complications and the negative impact of removing kids from public systems and creating private solutions. I also understand that the system failed all of us, and now parents are at the end of their ropes and need to find solutions on an individual basis. I’ve been talking to parents across the country about the solutions they’re trying, and it might surprise you to know that many of the pods aren’t hiring additional help, they’re not made up of the wealthiest families, and they’re not necessarily within one economic bracket or race. They’re truly neighbors working together to try and find any solution to protect, educate, and care for their kids. That said, sadly, finding solutions to the school problem this year won’t be an even playing field, because we didn’t start from an even playing field.

There are many challenges and downsides to each of the solutions people are exploring. Does that mean they shouldn’t try them? Widening the existing inequities in our educational system is not something any parent wants to do, but we’re also leaving people without options. I’ve been extremely disappointed by the massive amount of judgement piling onto parents right now from all sides. Including from people who don’t have kids and may not fully understand the duress the current work/teach/parent/nanny combo has been causing. What are the alternatives? What would you have people do? Make no mistake, this is a complete systemic failing. And within a failing so large, there is only so much each individual can do. 

Working Parents have always been left to fend for themselves. We have been scrambling behind the scenes to put together a patchwork of solutions forever - some stronger than others. Do you know how many times neighbors watched us after school? Or how often one neighbor took all the kids so other parents could work/get things done? More times than I can count. What parents are building now is a more extreme case. Working parents have been building their own solutions for as long as anyone knows because we’ve had no choice. It’s just that now the curtain has been pulled back, and everyone can see what happens behind the scenes. Not everyone likes what they see. But no one is stepping in with other solutions. Don’t criticize without offering alternatives. Don’t tell working parents that the one national support system they’ve been afforded has been removed overnight, and they’re not allowed to try and fill the gap on their own. As a society, we have never given working parents the support they need. As one of our Kunik coaches said this week “the frailty of our social safety net for working families - and women in particular - is truly stunning.” Stunning and now completely exposed. As working parents scramble to try and find solutions they’re subjected to even more criticism and judgement. Explain that to me.