Good Mentor vs. Great Mentor

• 76% of survey respondents think mentors are important,
• 37% of respondents actually had a mentor,
• Only 14% of mentor relationships started by asking someone to be their mentor. 61% of those relationships developed naturally.

Never Have I Ever - woken up and told myself "Darn, I need a mentor"

With a busy job, family to feed, and enough meetings to occupy my calendar - the last thing I needed was one more person telling me what to do.

Then..

I was assigned a mentor (thanks to my former employer's mentor-mentee program).

So I swallowed the bitter pill, and went along with the act.

But who is a mentor anyway?

Who Is A Mentor?

For me a mentor is your guide with a vested interest in your success.

Before meeting my mentor for the first time, I was skeptical and narrow-minded.

We met at a coffee shop, and all we talked about was life (all personal, no business). There were times when I even vented about things happening in my day-to-day.

He seemed like a very knowledgeable person, who also offered great advice.

And so, we decided to keep in touch.

As I reflect on our initial meetings now, I can better acknowledge the role he was playing with me - the role of a friend.

Because you listen and open up to your friends, especially those who you trust & respect.

That's when I realized how much I could use his guidance.

Do You Need A Mentor?

Data suggests that people with less experience are more likely to have mentors (57%), compared to those higher up in the pecking order including managers (35%), and senior executives (only 8%).

With all due respect, I have interacted with a lot of senior and mid-management professionals who could use some guidance because of the big decisions they are paid to make.

And wrong decisions can be expensive for them, and their organizations.

Jennifer Jordan, Ph.D., a social psychologist and Professor at IMD is an active supporter of reverse mentoring, i.e., junior employees mentoring senior counterparts.

According to Jennifer, one concern with that approach is that:

Many executives are fearful of revealing their lack of knowledge to junior employees

This is one of many reasons why people don't seek help - the fear of being exposed.

Even when we feel the need for guidance & perspective.

So to answer the question, "Do I need a mentor?"

First ask yourself this:

Is there someone I already trust, who can tell me how to do the things that I struggle with?

If yes - just reach out, ask questions, and see if you're getting any value.

Is Age A Factor In Mentorship?

The Cambridge dictionary defines a mentor as someone who "gives a younger or less experienced person help and advice over a period of time, especially at work or school."

Well, I strongly disagree..

Your mentor does not need to be more experienced or older than you, because being older doesn't necessarily make someone wiser.

I've personally had mentors who were younger in age, and mentees who were significantly older as well.

As long as someone is willing to help another person with knowledge and support, age is nothing but a number.

The only thing that matters is the value you get from this relationship.

Where Should I Look For A Mentor?

Its quite surprising to see that only 14% of people ask someone for their mentorship. It either means that people lack the courage to ask, or they don't see the value in asking.

Almost two-third of mentor-mentee relationships start naturally. So start with the people who you already know, by asking them questions that are most pressing to you.

This relationship does not need an official title to begin with.

But if you are into titles and it doesn't work out, you can always "break up" (no pun intended)

Here Are My 5 Takeaways For Aspiring Mentors:

No # 1. Shut Up, and Listen

If you've been on LinkedIn lately, can you count how many 'salesy' messages you get on your inbox? (If you're new to the platform, take it as a heads-up)

Most of these messages go straight to selling without even knowing what you need, or even an effort to build a real connection first. Do they work? Not with me at least, because the person on the other side isn't listening.

Now back to mentorship - your mentee will not listen to you unless you can demonstrate that you understand them first.

So, hold your horses and start listening.

Understand their problems, and ask them questions to uncover blind spots.

If you don't listen carefully, you won't know what the issues are. That's when mentors make the classic mistake - give bad advice.

No # 2. Use Root Cause Thinking

Speaking of uncovering blind spots.

Issues that we struggle with are usually symptoms of problems that are much deeper than we realize. For example, if you're unhappy at work it can be because of many things including your environment, salary, or even your boss.

Get to the root of each of these factors until your mentee can confidently say, "I hate my job because of X (and not Y or Z)". If you help your mentee figure that out, the problem is already half solved.

No # 3. Focus Only On Giving (Not Taking)

Genuine mentors have a passion for giving. These days you can hire mentors for money. Nothing wrong with that as long as you both agree on the fee, and the value you exchange.

In my experience, mentorship is the unconditional will to help someone succeed without expecting something in return. As a mentor, you are shedding your insights with someone who is on the same path you once were.

If you naturally become happy to see others do well in life, then you'll do your best to provide the most calculated advise as a mentor.

No # 4. Give Advice, but Don't Make Decisions

A great mentor is invested on the mentee's success, but they don't start making decisions on their mentee's behalf. Sometimes, mentors may take it personally if the mentee isn't acting upon the suggestions they'd made.

Think like a friend, and be happy for your mentee regardless of what they think is right. After all, your role is to shine the light. It's up to them to choose which way to go.

No # 5. G.R.O.W With Your Mentee

G.R.O.W is an acronym for a coaching method, that stands for Goal, Reality, Options, and Will.

Step 1: Establish a Goal for a subject your mentee is trying to improve upon,

Step 2: Use root cause thinking to identify the current state or Reality,

Step 3: Brainstorm relevant Options that tackles the Reality,

Step 4: Select the right Options that Will help solve the issue.

One Final Thought

I consider legendary investors Warren Buffett, and Ray Dalio to be my mentors.

Did they ever coach me personally? I can only wish, but no.

I read their books, research what they did in scenarios I've experienced, and adapt my strategies by asking:

"What would Warren or Ray do in this situation?"

But having a more hands-on mentor has a much greater benefit.

Someone you can interact with, and the exclusive access you get with them.

In all honesty, being a mentor changed the way I think.

I have had the privilege of mentoring many people, and boy I was (and still am) wrong about so many things.

But you must learn to adapt, and make sure that you're adding value in someone else's life.

You don't need to have all the characteristics I've mentioned, as long as the relationship is value-added for the two people involved.

My final verdict:

Like any supportive relationship, having a cheerleader on your side is never a bad idea - as long as you pick the right one to listen to

Question: Has mentorship helped you personally? What tips would you share with a new mentor (or mentee) to be good at it?

I look forward to your thoughts below - @WahidChowdhury.

------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S. - Check out more of my articles in My Library of Contents

Shout out to the following readers for the article suggestion: Keith McGowan, Gino Vivalda, Ali Husnain, and Benjamin Wolgemuth