Good Leader…Bad Behavior

It’s been my experience that good leaders help others, but great leaders help others to help themselves. Unfortunately, many good leaders tend to be “subject matter experts” who can find themselves inundated with folks asking them for advice. If their advice-giving results in successful outcomes for those asking, the science of human behavior tells us that folks will continue seeking them out for more. And when the word spreads, the multiplier effect occurs. Pretty soon these leaders find themselves bombarded with emails, texts, or perhaps navigating through folks who are not confident in their own problem solving and decision-making skills. These types of leaders have inadvertently fostered prompt dependency (i.e. needing help for something they know how to do) on their leadership as they’ve failed to teach other to help themselves. In short, their advice giving or “telling” behavior while sheathed in good intentions, is actually bad.

The more people are prompt dependent, the less effective and less efficient they are as they are unable to perform independently based on the natural cues within the environment. Similarly, the more the leader is depended upon, the less effective and efficient they are as they find themselves constantly in crisis mode, putting out the latest fires their staff are ill-equipped to handle. 

What can be done? In many of these cases the solution is easy, but it requires a shift in the leader’s habits. That is, moving from telling, to questioning. If somebody doesn’t possess the skill required to achieve a particular outcome, they should be trained.  Basically, this requires instructing, modeling, and providing them ample opportunities to practice and receive feedback within a safe environment. Assessing this can be as easy as asking them “Do you know what to do?” “Can you describe precisely what to do?” “Can you show me exactly what you should do.”  But many times, a skill-deficit is not the issue. It’s just that folks haven't developed the habit or aren’t confident in their problem-solving and decision-making ability because they haven’t successfully exercised the processes enough. The behavior hack? to helping people become better in these areas is through questioning strategies.

In his book titled Good Leaders Ask Great Questions, John Maxwell (2014) suggests that if you want to reach your leadership potential, you need to embrace asking questions as a lifestyle. According to Maxwell:

1. You only get answers to questions you ask
2. Questions unlock and open doors that otherwise remain closed
3. Questions are the most effective means of connecting with people
4. Questions cultivate humility
5. Questions help you to engage others in conversation
6. Questions allow us to build better ideas
7. Questions give us a different perspective
8. And questions challenge mind-sets and get you out of ruts.

And I’d like to add, behaviorally speaking, questions prevent folks from becoming prompt dependent. As I’ve noted in other writings, people tend to be poor observers of their own behavior, poor observers of the environment, poor observers of the impact of their behavior on the environment, and poor observers of the environment on their behavior. Essentially, if we do this under these conditions, then this happens. Or if we’re under these conditions, if this happens, then we’ll do that. Good questioning strategies allow people to better reflect on the link between their behavior and outcomes so they can better problem solve and make good decisions.  Moreover, questioning provides the opportunity for the leader to gather information they might use to better guide their interactions. 

So, what kind of questions should you ask. Try these to get you started. I pulled them out of my latest book co-authored with Dr. Nic Weatherly titled Deliberate Coaching (2019). You might even consider writing them on a sticky note and placing them somewhere as a prompt to help you develop the habit. Once you start asking some questions, try to think of them without looking at the sticky note. We don’t want YOU to become prompt dependent. 

• What goal are you focused on today?
• Why are you choosing that particular goal to focus on?
• What specifically are you hoping to accomplish?
• What exactly did you do that worked well?
• What did you learn that you didn’t know?
• What were the outcomes?
• What might you have done differently?
• What will you do next?

 Across various positions people have come to me to ask questions related to leadership, coaching, performance, and behavior improvement. Under certain conditions, they regard me as a knowledge holder in these areas. Like a “telling” addict, I had to purposely work on replacing my “telling” habit with good questions. When I shifted from telling to questioning, magic happened. People began to realize they had the answers the whole time. They were actually the knowledge holders who taught, and continue to teach me, lots! Instead of debating some of the merits of my recommendations (even though they were based in science!), they started buying in more and seemed to feel empowered as they began implementing and sharing what they discovered they already knew. In this way, they also became better coaches and leaders as they then began applying questioning strategies. If you are a good leader or coach and you want to become great, make the shift from telling to asking great behavioral questions. Watch the magic happen for yourself!

Incidentally, if you want to find out some more behavior hacks? related to leadership, check out this video by my paisan Brett DiNovi. This dude is truly a master leader and OBMer.

References

Gavoni, P., & Weatherly, N., (2019). Deliberate coaching: A toolbox for accelerating teacher performance. West Palm Beach, FL: Learning Sciences International.

Maxwell, J., (2014). Good leaders ask great questions: Your foundation for successful for leadership. New York, NY: Center Street