GOOD IDEAS FROM CAROL - 106
A few thoughts on ‘emotional intelligence’ this week.?
GOOD IDEA 1
Shift perspective.? I was driving on some local country roads yesterday and a huge lorry - from a local firm which shall remain nameless, but is in the farming sector – drove up behind me.? There was no room to overtake.? On the flat, the driver was so close that if I’d braked he (or she) would have hit me.? On hills the lorry fell behind significantly.?? I was not going to be pressurised into driving any faster and was really cross at the lack of awareness of how such behaviour could affect people.? I was in two minds about reporting it to the parent company. So think about how your behaviour impacts others.
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GOOD IDEA 2
Avoid assumptions. It’s very easy to assume other people are like you – often, however, they are not.? A facial expression may not mean what it would if it was on your face!? A shake of the head could mean puzzlement and not disagreement.? Not everybody likes hugging!? So check rather than assuming you’re right about what’s going on with someone else.
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GOOD IDEA 3
Allow for different opinions.? Marmite is the commonly used example, but it could just as easily be politics, hot weather, pet ownership and much more.? Of course sometimes society has to protect its members from the expression of certain opinions, but you can’t legislate against people having opinions. ??It’s worth trying to understand opinions which are different from your own as it can be hard to discuss, debate or counter things you don’t understand.
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GOOD IDEA 4
Recognise ‘micro-signals’.?? Some behaviour is under conscious control, whereas some isn’t.? Pupil dilation, for example, and very fleeting changes of expression usually aren’t controllable.?? Being able to notice these tiny changes is one feature of emotional intelligence.? The more aware you are of other people the easier it is to respond accordingly.?? BUT this does not mean ‘mind-reading’.? Just because you spot something on someone’s face doesn’t mean you understand why it’s happened.? So do train your perception and, equally, train your communication and evaluation skills so you have a better chance of responding appropriately. ?
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GOOD IDEA 5
And I would include a bit of assertiveness here. Assertiveness, in the sense that we all have the right to tell people how we feel and what we want.? If you find someone’s behaviour frustrating, demanding, unpleasant, inappropriate etc. remember you can tell them how you feel and what you’d like them to do instead.? It may be hard (and I’d exclude situations where you’d put yourself or others at risk if you did say what you thought and felt) but the more you work at this the easier it should become.? Otherwise you might bottle up your feelings and possibly put your health – and relationships – at risk.
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Do let me know what you think about the issues I’ve raised this week.
#Assertiveness #EmotionalIntelligence #MicroSignals?
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