Good Guys Win

This year I said goodbye to four friends of many decades: Arne Sorenson, Roger Weissberg, Eric Schaps, and Fred Hiatt. All were successes in their respective fields—in business, in scholarship, in education, in journalism. And all were successes in life too.

Here’s the lesson: you don’t have to be a jerk to be successful. Good guys win too.

Arne, Roger, Eric, and Fred all prove the point. In a world of scarcity and division, there’s a myth that you have to choose between being a decent human being and being a success. Wrong. In a world of power games and wars, there’s a myth that you have to use violence and force to succeed. Wrong. In a world of scapegoating and othering, there’s a myth that you have to use shame and hatred to succeed. Wrong.

All these friends were remembered as men who were as compassionate as they were competitive. Arne rose to be the CEO of the world’s largest hotel company in large part because he cared as much about the doormen at his hotels as anyone. Roger led the world in building the field of Social and Emotional Learning by always celebrating the gifts of other scholars and school leaders. Eric led a national organization dedicated to studying child development by deferring over and over again to the wisdom of 3rd grade teachers. Fred led the most influential editorial page in the world by writing with a moral compass that was always tempered by a desire to listen to viewpoints not his own. When they left us, all of these men were celebrated as much for loving their wives and children as they were for their professional accomplishments. Each in their own way rose up the ladder of success by bringing others along with them. They were good men. And they were successful men too.

Our community of “uniters,” like them, give me strength to hold to my conviction that empathy and inclusivity and love are the best qualities for being a good human being and also for being a successful one. Every time someone tells me that I’m being na?ve in thinking that our leaders can abandon hate and contempt, I’ll think of these men and so many of you who lead with compassion and respect. Every time someone tells me that being a uniter is a soft and simplistic way of solving big problems, I’ll think of these men, and of so many of you who solve big problems by listening deeply to the common hopes and dreams of all of us. Every time someone tells me that they can’t get along with “those” people, I’ll think of these men who spent their lives crossing boundaries and listening to those of different opinions.

This has been a tough year for so many of us, and times remain tough now. But an abiding faith and a resolute spirit will always find a way, even when there appears to be no way. I’ll miss these great friends and great leaders for the rest of my life, and I know many of you are missing those you loved too. As we grieve, we need each other more than ever.

Uniters: we’ve only just begun. Thanks again for all your support and commitment to the ideals of our community. My wish is that we each hold fast to the “uniter” way. It’s a recipe for finishing first in all the important races of life.