Good Grief! My Story...

On Thursday April 13, 2017 at 10:30 pm, I received a call from my mother who calmly stated “your Dad went into cardiac arrest and they are working on him”. Fast forward to Sunday August 19, 2018 (my parents' 46th wedding anniversary) at 5:30 am, my sister called saying "Dad just took his last breath". Between those calls was a 493-day journey (mostly long distance) caring for my father while still working full-time.

This year is my first #FathersDay without my Dad, and the past 10 months has certainly been a journey. I know there are many professionals who have had (or are having) the same experience caring for a dying parent and mourning their loss. Everyone handles things differently, and I don’t believe there is one secret road map. I’m happy to share 3 nuggets that helped me steer this winding road.

1. Keeping my priorities straight- family before career. I'm a workaholic by nature and certainly not a slacker. However, it is possible to work hard without sacrificing your family in the process. During my Dad's illness and subsequent passing, I kept my focus on family responsibilities first. For example, I was scheduled for a work trip the month before my father died. I was looking forward to the trip, and at the time Dad was pretty stable. However, I realized that it was best if I stayed behind in case anything changed.
2. Recognizing my own limits. I was very fortunate at the time to work from anywhere as long as a had a phone, my computer, and internet access. I became skilled at setting up my mobile office in a hospital room and taking calls from my car via Bluetooth during the the numerous 5-hour commutes to check on Dad in the hospital or at home. Yet, I had to recognize that I wasn't Superwoman. Everyone has their limit. I recall one day I let my boss and team know that I needed to take the day off. We were signing the DNR (do not resuscitate) order and it was pretty emotional. Being a former Hospice Registered Nurse, I fully understood where we were clinically. However, as a daughter, it was a very different experience. I needed some time to take care of me.
3. Having a great support system. I don't know how I would have navigated this journey without having a strong personal and professional support system. Being spiritually grounded was key for me. Additionally, our family really rallied together to make sure Dad as well as Mom had everything they needed. (Yes, we spoiled them rotten!). Last but certainly not least, my work family was amazing with all the well wishes and willingness to do what they could to help me at work.

As we celebrate #FathersDay this weekend, I'm reflecting on my journey and the last year with my Dad. I am so grateful for the opportunity to honor him during his life, and I will cherish such fond memories for years to come. For my fellow professionals on the same journey, my thoughts are with you.