Good Fortune Of The Irish

The Irish of course are no strangers to oppression, and poverty, having frequently been labelled as stupid, drunkards, and always itching for a fight. Now whilst those accusations may be accurate*, we have always maintained a sunny disposition, even going so far as to laugh at ourselves and make jokes at our own expense. We are strong and resilient enough not to take ourselves or the thoughts of others too seriously, and usually we refrain from being too offended.I mentioned poverty too. I was of course referring to the potato famine. This was a great opportunity for the Irish to spread their anger and drunkenness throughout an unsuspecting world.* Truth is that we actually forgot, or were too inebriated, to plant the crop the previous year. That was too embarrassing to admit to, and so the potato “famine” was born.*

Recently I have noticed a lot of people on various social media platforms and in mainstream media, becoming “offended” and feeling “sensitive” about certain things that other people have done or said. Many of these people who claim to be aggrieved do not even know (except maybe through a computer keyboard) and will likely never ever meet in person the purported “victim” of the alleged outrage. I would never try to minimize the feelings or hurt of genuine victims, but it seems to me that many people have a little too much time on their hands and much of that time seems to be spent absorbing the ills of others and of the world, and somehow behaving like they have been personally targeted. There really are more important and time worthy things going on closer to where you actually live.

So maybe it is high time for me too to be outraged and offended by all this bias. Of course I am joking, but imagine the following scenarios and how I would like to see them change if I lost the ability to laugh at myself and to not always see the motives of others as sinister or full of evil intent.

Firstly, if you have genuinely misplaced your breakfast cereal, please don’t come running to me with a dopey grin, doing a stupid dance and screaming “Where’s me lucky charms?”.?Please in future approach me at normal speed and with a non-descript facial expression and calmly ask me, “Have you seen my lucky charms? I appear to have lost them.” Alternatively you could simply say,?“Where are my lucky charms?”, which is also grammatically more accurate.

Next time after a shower when the sun comes out and you look up at the sky and see a rainbow, that rainbow will from this day forth be a simple meteorological phenomenon, easily explained away by those qualified to do so. What is more, there will be no receptacles of any kind at the end of it, which may or may not contain shiny precious metals.

Christmas (for those who recognize it) is just around the corner. Can you imagine Christmas Day after dinner with the family gathering around an open fire and Darby O’Gill and the Little People NOT being screened because it is an inaccurate representation of undersized people from the island of Ireland, and just adds to the already heavy burden which these leprechauns and their forefathers have had to bear. Believe me (although I am 1.75m not cm) when you are that short, even the smallest burden will make you feel like Charles O’Atlas, the largely unheard of Irish strongdwarf.

And bear in mind, without these people, Dorothy would never have made it back to Kansas from Oz.

Maybe it is time to change it to Darby Gill and the Friends of Dorothy.

March 17th - Saint Patrick’s Day (sometimes Saint Paddy’s day, but NEVER Saint Patty’s - that is so wrong and sounds more like his sister.) - I’m sure, although I didn’t know the guy, that he didn’t go out and get hammered even on a weekday. I’m sure he was never heard to say to his sister, Patty, “Oh, it’s March 17th, my day, - I’ll forget about driving these pesky snakes out of the country and go and get smashed.” Still, I know it makes people feel good to be Irish for the day, so permission granted to carry on with that one.

“Top o’ the morning to ya!” - if you even know what that means, please restrict your usage to between 1155 hours and noon. Otherwise it is the bottom or middle of the morning. If you want to argue that the “top of the morning” is at the other end, then please use it only between midnight and 0005 hours, meaning of course that at that time of night you will have fewer opportunities to use it and to pretend that you are Irish. Outside of these times, a simple “Hey” or standard “Good Morning”?is widely accepted and understood, and won’t attract any strange looks.

Of course I say all this in jest. I need to write that because several times I have fallen “victim” to the trans-Atlantic Bermuda Triangle of humour.

Please folks, all attempts at humour aside, pick your battles carefully. If you don’t have a hill to die on, there is really no need to go out and find one. You’ll only get grass stains on your clothes.?

Divert your energy, and whatever resources and skills you have, into helping the real victims in this world, of which there are millions.?

Those millions of people could only wish to have the First World “problems” that we (imagine we) have.

Seems like everybody has a cause to shout about these days - maybe I should take mine more seriously, begorra!

If you are raising a glass on Friday, do it responsibly, and PLEASE say a prayer that “wokeness or wokivity” or whatever it is called, never sets foot in Ireland, otherwise this day will be forever changed

This symbol ?? * denotes an attempt at humour. Take care.