The “Good Enough” Parent: How Perfectionism is Hurting Our Kids

Do you ever feel like no matter how much you do, it’s never quite enough? As working moms, the pressure to juggle everything perfectly—from work deadlines to school lunches and everything in between—can feel overwhelming. But here’s something to think about: the pressure we put on ourselves by striving for perfection isn't just exhausting for us; it can also hold back our kids.

Here’s why trying to be a “perfect” mom isn’t just impossible—it can actually impact our kids in ways we may not expect.

The Trouble with Perfection: Why It’s Impossible

Have you realized by now that perfection is a moving target? No matter how hard we try, how fast we run, none of us can be the “perfect mom” all the time, and striving for that only sets us up for frustration and exhaustion. But more importantly, our kids don’t need a flawless mom—they need a real one. A mom who makes mistakes, learns from them, and shows them how to handle life’s messiness.

Think of the last time you missed a school event because of work. Maybe you felt guilty and wondered if your kids saw it as a “failure.” But in reality, they learn resilience when seeing us contend with stress, seeing that things don’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. This helps them feel secure, even when life isn’t picture-perfect.

Our Kids Build Resilience When We Accept Imperfection

When we stop striving to be “perfect,” we give our kids something invaluable: resilience. If they never see us mess up or face setbacks, how will they know what to do when they encounter their own challenges? Perfectionist parenting sends the message that mistakes are failures. But in reality, it's exactly those disappointments, embarrassing moments and unexpected setbacks that are such valuable learning opportunities.

Imagine you missed signing your child up for a school event they were excited about. When you explain that you made a mistake, you can use it as a pivotal moment to talk about handling disappointments. Instead of getting down on ourselves, we can show our kids that we can make alternate plans, instead of sitting around moping about the missed event.?

By accepting that we are far from perfect, our kids see that it’s okay to make mistakes, and they learn flexibility by watching us move forward without letting it ruin the day.

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Perfectionism Hurts Our Connection with Our Kids

It’s heartbreaking, really—when we’re so wrapped up in making sure everything’s ‘just right,’ we miss those little moments that mean the world. Perfectionism can pull us away from being fully present, and what our kids need most is us, right there with them.

Think of times we were so focused on tidying up that we missed out on the chance to play with our kids or just sit down and listen to them. Instead, when we let go of perfectionism in those moments, we allow ourselves to share real laughs, connect, and bond over things they’ll remember.

When we ease up on the need for perfection, we make room for real connection—the kind they’ll remember forever.

The Trap of Over-Parenting

Perfectionism can lead to over-parenting, where we try to control every part of our child’s life, from their social dynamics to their schoolwork. While we might feel like we’re helping, this constant intervention tends to prevent them from developing independence.

Rather than “rescuing” them every time they face a challenge, we can try stepping back a little. If they forget a school project or fall behind on an assignment, let’s encourage them to think through possible solutions. Over time, they’ll develop the resilience, independence, and problem-solving skills they need. Isn't that we we want for them?

Why “Good Enough” is More Than Enough

So here's the bottom line: When we drop the pressure to be perfect, we’re finally able to enjoy the real moments with our kids—the messy, funny, perfectly imperfect ones. They see us handling life’s little (and big!) challenges, and they learn that it’s okay to mess up too. They start to feel safe knowing our love isn’t based on how well they perform, but just on who they are. And when they feel that deep-down security? That’s where they find the courage to be themselves, flaws and all.

Being 'good enough' is more than enough. Our kids will remember the times we were truly there with them, laughing, listening, and showing up as our real selves. Let’s ask ourselves: Are we creating a home where everyone feels safe to be their true, imperfect selves??

If you’re ready to let go of perfection, sign up for my? free Stress-Free Parenting webinar and discover simple skills that will make parenting feel right for you.