This is Good: Don't Lie

In our cultural moment “life hacks” seem to carry more weight than virtue.

Not drinking alcohol as a “hack” has more power than abstaining from a moral conviction.

Sleep performance as measured by a whoop band gets more traction than a virtue of rest.

This got me thinking: What if this desire to create positive life outcomes might help us rediscover common virtues?

For instance, what if not lying improved our mental, emotional, and relational health? Could telling the truth be a hack that helps more people be committed to the virtue of integrity?

THIS IS GOOD. DON’T LIE

First the bad news.

We are liars who lie about lying.

Don’t believe me?

Pamela Meyer in her TED talk?How to spot a liar , cited a study where strangers lied an average of three times?within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.?

Honestly now…we don’t need studies like this to convince us do we?

How often do we say something we know is not true?

Think of it this way: what if we could only say the truth like Jim Carey in the movie Liar Liar. You know, where his son’s wish made Carey’s character unable to tell any lie. This goes for any benevolnat fib. How often would we be forced to change what we were going to say?

Ok, so we lie. Big whoop. Magnanimous lies are helpful and socially acceptable. In some professions, it’s part of the standard protocol. Don’t even get me started about all the good lies have done for humanity at Thanksgiving dinner alone!

How is abstaining from any lie such a big “life hack”?

First, we need to understand what telling any lie does to us psychologically.

Telling a lie has a negative impact on us mentally, emotionally, and relationally.

Lies impair our ability to:

• See reality clearly.
• Know how we actually feel.
• Connect with others.

This compounds the more we lie. Lies are alive, creating growing negative impact on us.

On the contrary, with every truth, our capacity to see reality, know how we feel, and connect increases.

Inspired yet? Want to go full Tony Robbins on not lying?

This week, start by telling the truth in … everything. I mean, go full Jim Carey in Liar Liar. Exercise your honesty muscle.

Literally do you not tell the smallest lie. Not to yourself. Not to others.

Notice if you text or email anything that is not 100% true. Change the words to what is entirely true.

Don’t say “What I meant to say” when we should say “What I should have said”. Don’t make excuses. Don’t justify. Avoid lying at all costs.

See if we become more connected to reality. See if we are more connected to our emotions. See if we are more connected to others. That would be very good.

POSTSCRIPT

My Dad (one of my heroes) suffered from mental illness when I was young.?Part of my people-pleasing instinct comes from a little boy who wants everyone around me to be ok. I am most apt to tell white lies when telling the truth may hurt others. Turns out this kind of motivation is very selfish. It ultimately is about me.

I can attest to how even the smallest white lie is alive. How the small lie can grow, corrupt, and disconnect. Stripping away good power under a false veneer.

What helps me make progress?

Looking for any lie before it is said. Seeing the lie. Naming the lie. I am not as good at it as I hope to be. But I make a conscience effort. And it is really good for me.

This is why I respect the truth-tellers in my life the most. Those who have an unwavering commitment to not lying. I want to be like them.

My wife Tyler Hightower , is one of these people. When Tyler says “yes” she means it. When Tyler says “no” she means it. She has such a strong relationship with her word. This level of integrity is a great benefit to all in her circle of influence. The biggest beneficiary is Tyler herself. She is very connected to reality. It makes her a very emotionally, mentally, and relationally healthy person.

There is a proverb that says “whoever walks in integrity walks securely”. Not telling lies means walking more securely through a chaotic life.

When we feel insecure, confused, or disconnected we should cut out all lies from our life. Go, full teetotaller. Tell the truth, in everything.

May the words of our mouth and the meditations of our heart be true.

…and when we speak the truth, may we do so in love. Less we sound like a noisy instrument - clanging the correct notes without a deep yearning for the notes to beautifully resonate with the hearer.

So, don’t Lie. Tell the truth. Let our motivation for both be love.

That is very good.