A good compliment does not make someone any worse
It is already January 2023! 2022 had several highlights for XOET. We existed for five years and Laura Jonker did put herself in a learning situation when practicing for her motorcycle license. She blogged about this in Dutch, but now again in English. With today: Lesson 13. Wanting to be competent.?
Lesson 13. Wanting to?be?competent
Even though I passed my AVB almost two weeks ago, we drove to the industrial area again. The person I was driving with had to do her exam in a few days and I had indicated that I didn't mind practicing one more time. I realized that I had passed my AVB, but I really didn't feel that I had mastered all the exercises yet. It didn't go that well during the exam. When it wouldn’t be a full lesson, I didn't mind practicing again. After all, you learn to control the bike better.?
At the industrial area we started with the slow exercises. And although I expected it a bit, I was still surprised. Without too much trouble I managed to do all the exercises at once. The slow slalom (which I normally really mess up) without any mistakes, half turns (to the right remained a stumbling block): no problem. Jokingly I shouted to my instructor: "Well, the pressure is off! I can do it" and he laughed.?
I didn’t feel pressure anymore, but with the person I was riding with, the pressure was on. I also heard that she got a lot of feedback. When we finished all the exercises, and when the instructor left to put his pawns back in the car, I asked: "Are you alright?". "A bit overexcited", was the answer.?
We drove to a gas station for a break. In my ear I heard the instructor giving lots of feedback to the person I was driving with. When we got off at the pump, I saw that she had tears in her eyes. Nevertheless, the instructor kept explaining what she could do better. This did not help the tears to dry... "Do you find feedback difficult?", I heard him asking her. Then she said to me, "I try to do so well and last lesson I succeeded and now he acts like I can't do it all. I'm going to the bathroom." "Well, I recognize it," I thought. Fortunately, not the tears, but trying so hard to do it right, maybe even to perfection and also being flooded with feedback....?
My experiences from a psychological perspective?
Competence:?In previous blogs, I have mentioned it as one of the three basic psychological needs and as a prerequisite for pleasure:?competence. Or the feeling that you can do something (Deci & Ryan, 2000). For all people, it feels good to be good at something, to develop and to discover what you can do. Feeling competent is important because it helps to stay motivated. Experiences of competence give the confidence needed to keep going when things are temporarily not going so well. It also provides pleasure when something works. For some people this feeling is even more important than for others.?
I described this earlier in my blog on "Putting pressure on yourself," as well as in the blog about my "AVB exam." The person I was riding with also indicated in no uncertain terms that feeling competent was important to her. Positive feedback (a compliment) instead of even more?change-related?feedback (see blog 9) would - in my opinion - have done her good.?
Tips: If you are a coach and your role is to give feedback, look carefully at the amount (see blog 9) and relate it to the personal need of someone to feel competent. Of course, you may be right with your feedback, but if the feedback isn't picked up because someone can't process it as it hits them emotionally, you're wrong. This applies even more to athletes for whom it is very important to feel competent. Alternate?change-related?feedback (blog 9) with genuine compliments. Can't think of any genuine compliments? Then keep quiet for a while...?
In our XOET-scan we often see the need for compliments (positive feedback) among athletes. They indicate that they would like more feedback and that they want to do well. I often ask coaches during my interview: "Do you give compliments to these athletes? They often admit that they could pay more attention to this. There is even a "role" in team sports where we see the need for compliments even stronger. Namely, with captains. Coaches often have the idea that the captain knows that he is a good player. However, a captain is also human and has - despite his qualities which probably make him captain - a need for compliments.?
Tips: Don't forget to give positive feedback!?
Want to know more about these themes? In '#GOALS. Tips to train (even) better' Prof. Dr. Nico van Yperen and I describe them in a sports setting. The book is available for athletes and coaches and can be ordered via:?https://www.sportsmedia.nl/goals-tips-om-sporters-nog- beter-te-trainen.html.
More about the XOET-scan via?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvgG9bznNLM?and?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_F_F6GiFCQ.
You can request the XOET-scan by contacting [email protected]. Thanks to Marketresponse for the partnership on the XOET-scan the past years. Thanks to Sportinnovator for the support.?