This is Good. Be A Coach

I get to coach my son's 6th grade football team tomorrow morning. Its our first game of the year. I can't wait.

I love coaching this group of boys. Love encouraging them. Love pushing them. Love hoping for them.

I love football because it teaches so many lessons about life.

When you experience true things, the truth goes deeper down.

Football is an activity where certain realities are tested, found to be true, and thus, character formed.

Realities like:

Shortcuts are myth. Character is who you are when no one is watching. Discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs pounds. If you run a race, its best to run the race to win. It is good and right to become the best version of yourself. Who we are becoming on the journey is most important.

What a gift to coach truths like this into young men. Its a deep and real privilege.

Think of a person who has “coached” you. Why did you allow this person this type of access?

The heart of the answer is not primarily about technical ability, although he or she certainly had that.

The reason you gave this person such a powerful place in your life is because of who the coach is.

He or she believed in you and believed for you. The person was a coach.

We all have innate ability to detect b.s. when we are not confounded by biases .

We have a knack for picking up differences in espoused and embodied values.

We know when someone is sincere.

It is why we don’t let just anyone coach us. We first need to sense the person wants the best for us.

We can’t fake being a coach. We have to be a coach.

To help those you influence see and believe what is good and true.

At work: of course. In your community: yes. At home: most importantly.

Be a coach. This is good.

THIS IS GOOD: BE A COACH

Dabo Swinney and the Clemson football team recently lost their first game in a major upset to Duke. The whole sports world currently doubts Dabo and Clemson.

Countless articles saying he is done. Clemson's era is over.

My take?

I am long Dabo and Clemson! If Dabo Swinney is coaching, over the long term, Clemson will continue to succeed and thrive.

I have no bias here. Clemson is not my team. I am Air Force till I die. I was thrilled with the Duke win (my Dad played there).

Dabo is simply one of best coaches in the world. He a coach. Because of this, there will always be a tidal wave of positive impact and results around him.

This interview will give a sense of this. It is pure gold. If you are interested in being a coach, I recommend you listen to it a few times.

A few realities Dabo would remind us of if he were coaching us:

• The grass is greener where you’re watering it. Wherever we are now, that is the ground to grow into our true selves.
• Coach Hearts Not Talents: We should always look to serve the hearts of those we coach, not their talent. Pure intent is a necessity to true coaching.
• Squeeze People Up. In your work, your community, and your home are you squeezing people down, out, or up?
• Be the Gatekepper of your your mind. Hold on to what you believe. As Dabo says" Don’t let anyone run their dirty feet in that space between your ears!”
• Do common things uncommonly well. Dabo quotes often from George Washington Carver: “Do common things in an uncommon way, and you will command the respect of the world.”
• Let failure develop you, not define you.The best lessons don’t come from the games you win. The best lessons come from the losses. All things work together for good.

Dabo believes in his team and believes for his team. He is a coach. This will continue through losses and wins. It will lead to continued success and positive impact in the lives of the players he coaches. It has to. That is good.

POSTSCRIPT

Bill Campbell who is still called “coach” by many notable leaders in Silicon Valley says this:

“Listen intently, practice complete candor, and be an evangelist for courage by believing in people more than they believe in themselves.”

“Be an evangelist for courage” ... mic drop.

"by believing in people more than they believe in themselves” …well that is the essence of being a coach.

Bad news is: we can’t fake this.

Good news is: we can all do this.

I love coaching my son's team. I love our team at Macfarlan Capital Partners . Most of all, I love being a husband to Tyler and a Dad to Chase, Grace, and Elle. In all and for all, I desire to be an evangelist of courage. In all and for all, I desire to believe more in them than they believe in themselves.

Can I be honest? This scares me to death. I often fail at this.

This is a reality: I can put activities and projects over people. I can be distracted and not present. I am prone to take short cuts. Can be driven by fear. I tend to avoid conflict. I can be closed off and distant. Can feel behind. Not listen well. Driven by dirty fuel to perform for others. This is not a good recipe to be a coach. It's also not who I am. Its my false self.

This is also a reality: I can be others focused. Can be Joyfully confident. Proactive. A good listener. I can know I am right on time. Can be open and present. I can engage in healthy conflict. I can know an encouraging leader driven by clean fuel. I know this who I am. Its my true self.

I find it helpful to identify and call out our false self and true self. I try and read most mornings. Below is an example. If helpful, here's a template to define yours.

Our world is starved for people who are evangelists for courage. Starved for men and women to show up in their places of influence as their true selves. Starved for people who are coaches. Your world is starved for you to be a coach.

A coach who is patient. Who does not envy or boast. Who is not proud and does not dishonor others. Who is not self-seeking. Who is not easily angered. A coach who rejoices with the truth. A coach who always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

A coach believes in others and believes for others.

Fight for this. Fight to be your true self. Be a coach.

This would be very Good.