Good bye Dad!

3 weeks ago I buried my father. He was the wealthy beyond comprehension, but I had to borrow $7500 to help cover the burial and final expenses. My dad's true wealth was on display when hundreds of people from all walks of life, with different skin pigmentation, various ethnic and religious backgrounds and economic circumstances, all as different as one could imagine, took the time to gather to share their farewells. In various ways, amidst this age of masks and distancing, many people pay their respects and shared how my father played a major role in positively impacting their life, both materially and spiritually, Some were in person, some mailed in or broadcast from thousands of miles away. All of these various communications from friends, family, parishioners, and neighbors, contained a common theme. A life lived in the service of others is one that lives on well beyond the fragility of this container composed of flesh and bones. The imprint made on the hearts of minds of those who we help as we travel in this world on our personal journey is the only thing that is eternal.

I never get tired of hearing stories about my dad. This day the stories ranged from helping someone confront a member of their family who had physically and sexually abused them as a child, to going every morning for 6 months to help an elderly widow woman put in prescription eye drops she found impossible to administer herself. I especially remember in my junior year of high school how upset I was when he told me we would be taking into our home 4 boys between the ages of 3 and 10 to live with us for 4-5 months so that their mom could recover from their dads sudden death, and because he had no life insurance, Dad helped her find a teachers job that would align her schedule better with the boys. It was an exercise in patience, but I was given a life long example of what we should do for one another. Each one of those boys has grown up to be outstanding young men and are like my little brothers. I always found it funny that although I was a only child, I had the largest family I knew. Some months you would have thought our living room was a wedding chapel as so many people got married in our living room that I thought about putting together a wedding package of needed items. and selling it to the newlyweds at a reasonable margin, (reasonable for me at least). When I suggested it to my dad, instead of the pride i was expecting to receive for my capitalist spirit, I got an admonishment. He said when people get married in our living room, it usually because the priest or their pastor would not perform the ceremony. And those reasons are not as important as the 2 of them getting an the opportunity to express their love for each other without judgement in a safe place so they can pronounce to the world through the institution of marriage that they love each other. And as dad would always say, as he closed every wedding has ever officiated with this phrase, " What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." And he believed that with a passion or he would also not have been married 66 years to my mother.

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But there was one thing my dad did every summer that he really enjoyed for over 35 years, During the summer, he would bring a large group of boys and girls to summer camp and he would go as their supervision, often paying when they could not.  For may kids, this was not only their only vacation, it was the only times they were exposed to a positive and nurturing environment. For many it was the only week where they got 3 meals a day. As one of those kids, now grown up, told me at dads funeral, now at 42 years of age with his own children, “Your dad deserves a star in this heavenly crown just for dealing with us for that one week. But do you know that by having that one week of camp a summer to look forward to, it helped me so much because that was the only thing in my life during that time frame that i looked forward to and that gave me hope. Hope something better was coming, and your Dad delivered, always."

Giving people hope was Dad's greatest gift, and he had many. He believed that he best honored God by living a unselfish existence dedicated in service to others. I have always stated that If I can be 10% of the man my father is, I would be the 2nd best man I know. I miss and love you Dad, but you will always be here, planted in the hearts and minds of so many people who lives you changed for the better.