The Good, the Bad, the Alienators!

The Good, the Bad, the Alienators!

Whenever we encounter someone new in our lives, we tend to trust them in all they say and do. After all, this is a natural trait most of us are born with. We cannot help but believe that others are capable of harming us, especially if we become romantically involved with them. Without thought, we open up to these individuals with our hearts, thoughts, and even sometimes our deepest secrets.      

We hope we will never feel the sting of betrayal from the one person who professes to love us and will remain together for a lifetime. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sometimes, we grow apart from one another because of differing wants and needs. Other times, we find the person we were attracted to was based solely upon physical appearances and not on emotions of the heart and mind.

Then again, we may have been deceived by this person into believing they were someone who they are not. They entered our lives under false pretenses and kept this mask of deceit tightly cinched up so as not to reveal who they truly are. Because of our trusting nature, we may have chosen to look past the warning signs and shrug it off as something we did to cause their occasional negative actions.    

These are the people who seek their victim partners out with the utmost care. They need someone in their lives who they can control and will accept nothing less than total obedience. Once they find this person, the mask slowly begins to slip, and their actual self appears, but not before they have fully ensnared their new partner. This could take months to accomplish. However, they are patient.

As the newness of this relationship wears off, and a comfort zone is created, we find ourselves falling in love. When this happens, many times, it will lead to marriage and later, the formation of a whole family through the conception of children. We are now effectively trapped in a web tightly wound around us, and escape is more difficult than we could have ever imagined.

In the beginning, we believed there was goodness in the person who showered us with unexpected attention. They would tell us all we wanted to hear, and that was pleasing to our ears. Then, there was the physical affection they brought us, and that made us feel desired. The words they spoke, many times, mirrored our own thoughts and made us feel important. These were the good times.

Unfortunately, not all things are as they appear. Once they had us ensnared into their world, we would find the attention they gave us is lessened. The physical affection limited to only the times they felt the desire and finally, the way they would speak to us became emotionally hurtful. Certainly, we could have never imagined our relationship ever going bad, but it did. 

Before we knew it, the marriage was over, and the attacks would begin to destroy us for a failed relationship. How could we ever imagine someone who once professed love to us could seek revenge in the most harmful and damaging of ways? Perhaps, we were blinded by love and kept our eyes closed to who we involved ourselves with, or maybe, they were cunning enough to hide who they were? They are the bad.

Without a doubt, these people who seek to harm us emotionally will use every tool in their arsenal to do so. After the lies and manipulation of friends and families, they turn their attention to the family courts to rob us of everything. Finally, they try to erase us from our children’s minds by getting them to forget who we are or even turning them against us. This is the alienator.    

We are not to blame for being human and trusting that others will treat us well. Instead, it is a fact of life; there are people in this world who are incapable of showing true love and will use their children as weapons.  These people are the good, the bad, the alienators. 

David Shubert