Golf for Peace

There’s the natural universe, and then there’s everything else. Everything that humans have willed into being and all the consequences of those things. We have crafted up some real winners, like shelter, the wheel, French fries, art, and love. And we are responsible for some real clunkers, as well–war, poverty, hatred, the fact that Dolan may own the Knicks forever. Sometimes, in order to deal with these problems, we just require a different outlook, a new thought, a “not afraid to say something stupid” moment. Well that moment is here. My proposal for world peace (or, at least, for some calmer world state) – is golf.

Let’s consider this potential world-changing motion: we orchestrate a worldwide golf tournament with participation and friendly competition from all the world leaders. Why not? Sports is diplomacy. Dennis Rodman, retired NBA player has negotiated the release of Americans from North Korea. The legendary Harlem Globetrotters basically created sports diplomacy. But you can't have an international basketball tournament with our world leaders as players, because who wants to see Xi Jinping in shorts or Queen Elizabeth II in a tank top grabbing rebounds? Soccer–the world’s most popular sport–will not work either; our world leaders would need to hail a cab just to make it to midfield. But golf can be played competitively until you are a 100 years old, and you can wear any outfit you want. It’s one of the only sports in the world with a built-in regulation system that makes all players equal. It’s called the handicap system, and it is a universal golf language understood by every golfer in the world. In fact, I was once in a match with a top golf pro at the North Pole and even though I only knew basic conversational Eskimonian, we were able to play a seamless match with handicap strokes on that one annual North Pole golf-weather day.

The World Peace Golf Tourney will take place at the greatest courses throughout the world. The matches will be staged in fantastic natural settings from the crashing seas of Pebble Beach, to the reefs of Australia, the parkland near London, England, giraffe lined fairways of South Africa, the bamboo marshes in China, the seaside Persian Gulf courses, to the linksland of Long Island and Northern Ireland. This tournament would take place three years from now, and in that time, a group of PGA professionals from around the world will teach and work with a team of six executive government players designated by each country that chooses to participate. These players, some experienced players and some new to the greatest game will all obtain an official handicap.

The handicap system is simple; anyone can obtain one by posting their scores on the USGA Website and entering their name and some other information. You then enter all your recently played rounds and voila, you will have a handicap. Let’s say Dustin Johnson invites you for a round with his girlfriend and father-in-law “The Great One”, and you want to have a real competitive golf match. With the handicap system you can. DJ can play full out and drive every par four. But if you can play just a little better than your handicap level you could even win and have DJ pick up the bar tab. So DJ is a plus 6 and let’s say you are a 20 handicap he has to add 26 strokes to his score vs you and your 20 handicap. If you wanted to play one-on-one ball against Lebron or KD and they played at their top level you would lose 15 -0 in thirty seconds. Even if they played on their knees, they would still throw it down over your head. But, I can give Dustin a match because he will be giving me plenty of strokes. He would still be a huge favorite, but if I putt well that day, who knows what could happen?

In addition to the equalizing handicap system, in golf we do not actually play against an opponent. We play against the golf course. Bobby Jones stated that the realization that he was playing the course and not the opponent helped to calm him and ultimately make him a winner. We initiate the action in golf. We are never responding to a competitor’s action with a direct physical or mental response. We are all out there playing against the golf course. The golfer who makes a better score on a hole or through 18 holes is the winner that day. There is no physical contact. We hit the earth, pierce the sky, and roll a ball towards the hole and not at each other.

Yes, golf can be frustrating, and getting mad is part of it. How we handle our bad moments is personal. We may smash our clubs or throw ‘em in the river, but beating someone up, as eventually happens in most team sports, is unthinkable in this game. And we can’t have our world leaders smacking each other in the head. For the most part, we’ve stopped doing that (except if you are running for a congressional seat in Montana). 

Kim Jong-Un, the head of North Korea is ready. He said that he opened up the new course in Pyongyang with a 38 under par round of 34 on the par 72 course. He said he had five holes-in-one and lipped out for a sixth. We know our president also has a low handicap of 2.8, and he says he is a “tremendous player,” but if he wants to help out The U.S.A. as a player, he may need to start entering his actual scores to have any chance.

We’ve tried war, the law, money, and love to get along. It’s time we teed it up.