Golden ways to win in life despite toxic relationships.

This year’s Olympics has been very controversial since its inception. Just being able to compete in the game is a feat because it meant having to compete against the best of the nation. However, there’s a particular Olympian named Carlos Yulo, a gymnast and a double Olympic Champion, who has sparked people’s interest on social media- not only for his performance but more so in his resilience and the way he handles difficult people in his life. You can read the backstory here:

Why all the fuss for this unassuming guy? It revealed an unspeakable truth about toxic families and a societal problem that existed since biblical times. His pain is relatable and at one point in our lives we can say we have come across a family member, lover, friend, colleague, or boss who does not see us as a person but as an investment. Yes, all types of relationships involve emotional investments, but some see them as purely transactional. So, what does this situation teach us? And how can we, following the example of Carlos Yulo, turn what could have been a tragedy into a heroic triumph?

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1)????? Grieve, then let go.

Betrayal of trust is a form of loss, because we suddenly realize that even someone, we hold dear can be capable of things that can destroy us. It is important to allow ourselves to experience those strong emotions, acknowledge our humanity. However, it is crucial that we do not hold on to grudges and eventually find ways to heal and move on.

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2)????? Empathize and forgive.

It is easier said than done to try to understand someone who hurt us, but before we villainize a person, we need to see that person as someone who was also a victim once. The person who hurt you is operating on survival mode- it was for a long time, their way to protect themselves. They may have been previously abused one way or another and did not have the chance or strength to grow or heal. Having this mindset of empathy and forgiveness will not only make sure we don’t grow into a bitter person and continue the cycle. It will help us focus on things that will elevate us.

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3)????? Be Accountable.

Another hard truth we must accept is that we too have our own toxic traits that need to be addressed. Every relationship in our life reflects on the relationship we have with ourselves. It’s beneficial to take a step back and recognize where our strengths and weaknesses lie. Ask yourself, am I being responsible or just letting my life it’s course? As Marcus Aurelius quoted “Do not argue on being a good person, just be one.”

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4)????? Have a life filter.

Start by recognizing patterns in our life - the problems we constantly encounter, the friends and enemies we attract, and the daily habits that do not bring us value. All of these will help us understand where we stand and the direction you would like to go in the future. For example, freeing up an hour of mindless scrolling to learn about financial literacy can have a significant impact.

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5)????? Set healthy boundaries.

One thing I had to learn the hard way is that setting of your personal boundaries is a technique that is universally respected. And I say that with conviction because even God allow us to have free will! We give that power over to others we compromise our values for them. Healthy boundaries do not mean building up a wall that no one can enter or climb. Learning to deal with negativity such as communication and negotiation techniques are much better skills to learn than simply cutting people off, especially for familial relationships. In some cases where there is clear abuse, however, removing a person from your life might be necessary.

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6)????? Holding on to your core values.

Having a good foundation of values or a belief system that we will adhere to until death is a great way to keep our integrity. If we stick to a personal decision of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, we won’t easily be shaken or persuaded by people with malicious intent, insensitive comments or skepticism. It will also serve as a natural compass in choosing people to trust and finding our true north.

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7)????? Find a support group

If people can hurt, then people can also heal. Stay connected with people who genuinely want to see you succeed in life without reservations and value them. Ironic as it may seem, isolating ourselves will only make us a bad judge of character. Interpersonal skills takes time but even actors cannot maintain an act 24/7, trust your gut. Be authentic and there will be people out there who will naturally gravitate towards you.

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8)????? Focus on the prize.

Carlos is not the only successful person who has had a rough personal life. In fact, we can name quite a few people who continually reach higher statutes that did not resort to hate and bitterness, but instead used their struggles as a drive to work hard and excel at what they do. It takes a lot of strength of character and mental fortitude in choosing the high road, but just like in sports every person teaches us a particular skill that will help us go through life.

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In life, it is not our role to control the actions or attitudes of others, but we can control our responses. By embracing resilience, empathy, accountability, and a strong sense of self, we can rise above toxic relationships and turn our pain into power. Like an Olympian overcoming the most challenging obstacles, we too can emerge victorious—stronger, wiser, and more determined to live a life that reflects our true potential.

#OvercomingToxicity #ResilienceInLife #MentalStrength #WinningInLife #HealthyBoundaries #SelfGrowth #EmpathyAndForgiveness #LifeLessons #StayStrong #CarlosYulo #ParisOlympics2024