The Golden Rule is tarnished.

Treat other people how you want to be treated. Like many inter-personal lessons we were taught as kids, the Golden Rule is a shining example of a short-sighted approach to relationships. Over time, as we’ve evolved, the Golden Rule has lost its luster. Instead, thoughtful application of the Platinum Rule could be the difference between an ephemeral exchange and a connection you can count on.??

The Platinum Rule: Treat people how they want to be treated, not how you would want them to treat you.? OR - Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.?

The difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule is subtle, yet brilliant. After all, why would anyone want you to treat them the way you want to be treated? We may start treating new people based on our biases and beliefs, but how we evolve as we learn more about others ultimately determines how/if relationships last. In successful relationships all parties adapt to the ways others want to be treated.?

One easy place to see the distinction between Gold and Platinum as they relate to life rules is in the expanded use of pronouns. The Golden Rule would suggest that I should refer to you the way I want to be referred to. The Platinum Rule recognizes that YOUR pronouns are uniquely yours, and MINE are uniquely mine (he/him).

While many people are adapting to the personal nature of preferred pronouns, that doesn’t mean we’re all in on the Platinum Rule. I’ve noticed a trend lately, on this app and across the business world that is perhaps the quintessential application of the now-tarnished Golden Rule.?

Imagine being a prospective customer and having a sales person insist that they will sell to you only on their timetable. Imagine being told that you must adjust your schedule to align with theirs, just to have a meeting. Then, imagine having to comb through their randomly available time slots looking for an open time for the privilege of being sold their good or service.? Well, you don’t have to imagine it. There are people doing this to you every day. Of course, I’m talking about Calendly (and other calendar extensions of that ilk).?

Think about it. “Book time directly on my calendar through Calendly”? Translation, “Adjust YOUR schedule to fit MY schedule. AND, do all the work to find an opening AND set up the meeting while you’re at it.”? Not exactly the customer-centric approach most companies espouse these days.

The interesting thing is that I believe most people who use this feature believe they are being generous. After all, they are giving you access to their calendar. Similarly, people think the Golden Rule is thoughtful and kind.

As someone to whom this kindness is routinely offered, I wish there was a better way. While I love an innovation that saves time, perhaps applying the Platinum Rule to scheduling could be as simple as “I will make time within my schedule whenever is convenient for you. Please let me know when you are free.”?