Golden Flush: The Daring Heist of Churchill's 18-Carat Loo

In London, a rather golden caper has taken a twist! Four dashing gents, not exactly your average Ocean's Eleven, were charged this Monday with the audacious theft of an 18-carat gold loo from Blenheim Palace. Yes, you heard it right—a golden throne, worth a whopping 4.8 million pounds ($5.95 million), has been spirited away! This isn't just any toilet, mind you; it's an artistic marvel titled “America,” created by the whimsical Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan. More than just a place to ponder life's great mysteries, this loo was a satirical jab at over-the-top opulence.

Set in the grandeur of Blenheim Palace, where the legendary Winston Churchill first cried as a baby, this glittering pot vanished into the night back in September 2019, just days after making its grand entrance. The Crown Prosecution Service, with all the solemnity of a British courtroom drama, has finally brought charges against these loo-lifting lads, aged between 35-39. They face accusations of burglary and a fancifully named “conspiracy to transfer criminal property.”

Here's a twist: seven were nabbed for this heist, but it's taken four long years since the toilet's mysterious disappearance for any charges to stick. And, would you believe it, the artwork itself is still playing hide and seek!

Before it became the subject of a crime mystery, this blingy bog was a fully functional piece of art! Visitors could actually book a three-minute royal appointment to grace the golden seat. But alas, in its heist, the toilet left more than memories behind—significant damage and flooding, to be exact, in the 18th-century UNESCO World Heritage site, home to oodles of priceless art and antiques.

The Guggenheim Museum in New York, where this gilded john first made a splash in a bathroom exhibit, fondly remembers it as a shiny 18-carat piece, offering an "unprecedented intimacy with art." Imagine that!

Cut to 2021, and the Thames Valley Police, scratching their heads, admitted nabbing the toilet back would be quite the “challenge.” One officer, perhaps with a twinkle in his eye, mused to the BBC, “Will we ever see that toilet again? I wonder if it’s even still a toilet.” With all that gold, he reckoned, it might have already been melted down or sold off in bits and pieces.

As the four suspects prepare to make their splash at Oxford Magistrates’ Court on Nov. 28, remember to keep your pinkies raised and your ears perked for more on this glittering saga. Until next time, we'll keep brewing the latest and spill the tea on all things golden and grand! ???