The Golden Cage

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” - Will Smith

Recently during a TV interview, I said something that struck a chord and has stuck with me ever since, prompting me to write this blog. I coin it as follows, “we have what we want, but we want what we do not need”.

Being content is not dependent on what you have, who you are or what you want. It solely depends on how you think. It is a constant state of mind within.

Let me explain why.

There was once a struggling French philosopher who had to get his daughter married but had no money to get that done. The queen of the empire at that time decided to help him and offered a large sum of money in exchange for his life’s work of creating encyclopedias.

The amount received was so much that he had some to spare. He decided to spend it lavishly on a “scarlet robe”. It was the most beautiful robe he had ever seen and so captivated by it was he, that upon wearing it, he felt that his humble surroundings and common possessions held no more worth in front of it. They were just mere blemishes on a perfect canvas. There was “no more coordination, no more unity, no more beauty” between his robe and the rest of his belongings.

To solve this gaping void, he decided to buy more new things to match the beauty of his robe. He got rid of his old gown, which had been replaced by the new robe. He replaced his old rug with a new one from Damascus and got beautiful sculptures to be decorated all around his home. His “straw chair” was replaced with a fine leather one and the list went on and on. He kept on purchasing until he was drowning not only in luxury but also in debt.

He wanted more and that is where everything went wrong.

He eventually understood how the robe made everyone conform to its standards, leaving a trail of debt, regrets, dissatisfaction, and sorrow.

Makes you wonder. In humble beginnings, he was a master of his common surroundings. But with sudden wealth, he spiraled into deep debt. In essence, his new possessions owned him and made him conform to their own ideal. In the end, he had a hard learning and really understood the freedom he had with less wealth and the golden cage he had placed himself in.

In his own words, “I was the absolute master of my old dressing gown but I have become a slave to my new one”

This was the life lesson of none other but the famous philosopher Diderot and the Russian Empress Catherine the Great, who tried to finance his worries away. In fact, his life’s learning has become a famous psychological and consumption theory known as the “Diderot Effect”. It states that we have a tendency to suffer from a social phenomenon. That the new things we introduce in our lives, that are deviant from our current things, can result in spiraling consumption.

Think about it. You move into a new house and it is time to bring in new furniture, new appliances, better entertainment system, hire interior designers, redo the curtains, carpets and walls, and here is the checklist that keeps going on. Nothing in your old house appeals to you anymore.

In other words, the “velvet robe” we purchase will dictate spiraling new purchases to match its own identity. Our new possessions own us and like in a trance, we follow its tune trying to come “up” to its own sense of status quo. Yet it is a tendency we all have inside.

No wonder one focuses on “more” wants when he gets a little more in life. So the age old proverb “spread your legs as much as the coverlet” makes sense here doesn't it? The battle of identity and comparisons to your neighbor, co-workers, friends of friends and so on begins. You succumb to Peer Pressure.

Now do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that you should not aim to rise higher in life and realize your potential. I am just gently nudging you to think of the question, “When will it be enough?” Like chasing the wind, you keep running into the abyss of nothingness and no matter how fast you run or how quickly you grab it, it will never be yours. It will always be ahead of you. You can never overpower it. Your efforts will never be enough.

The secret of understanding when it will be enough is to accept the fact that you will never be satisfied with what you have.

In essence, you will realize that being happy and satisfied is not a goal you arrive at. It is a fleeting sensation. Because when you do, there will be another goal or pursuit waiting for you to achieve. The next job title, the next big car, the latest gadget, and so on. And when you get it, the initial happiness comes but then, shortly is replaced with newer needed things. New pursuits take over and you are dissatisfied again.

So when is it enough? When will you be happy with what you already have? When will you stop desiring more? It is the day when you understand what truly is satisfaction and contentment.

Having goals to achieve but being content with where you are can co-exist. Let me show you how.

●      Stop looking outside for contentment. Deep dive within.

Being content is not a physical state but a state of mind within. You must begin to rejoice the way things are. The reality is that you already have all that you need. When you truly accept and are grateful for this, you will free yourself from your cage. You will understand that your life is already balanced and perfect where it is. It is part of a universal balance of a Higher Authority. Accept reality and understand this. Comparison to others is the beginning of killing your own joy. There will always be someone who has more. But have you wondered, about the one who has less than you and is still content?

●      Shift the focus. Be Grateful.

Bringing in more possessions in our life, and waiting passively for happiness to arrive is a sad way of existing. You must actively search for being at peace. Peace is not attained by fulfilling or not fulfilling a desire. You simply make peace with your desires and surrender them.  Do not surrender to a desire but surrender the desire and replace with gratitude of what is.

Keep a gratitude journal and write your daily blessings. Start counting them from the moment you wake up. Are you able to breathe easily? Can you walk to the bathroom yourself? Do you have air conditioning and lighting in your home? Do you have running water with different temperature? If the answer is yes, then you are not among 4 billion people in the world who may not have the same answer as you. You could have been one of them. But you are not. And that to me, is someone who is wealthy.

●      Make a decision. Respect the Now

You must decide consciously that you do not need much to bring joy in your life. But what mistake do we make most of the time? We are so bent on arriving on that perfect circumstance that will make us happy, that we miss out on the journey altogether. Reminds me of a famous saying that states, if you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, then you are living in the future. If you are at peace, then you are living in the present.

You have all you need at this moment. Celebrate that. Bring joy in the fact that you already have come so far, achieved so much and have more than you thought possibly a few years ago. Smile and give yourself the pat on the back. You have come a long way. Cherish this moment. It will go away soon, so relish it.

●      Redefining wealth. On your terms.

I do feel that we inflict more pain on ourselves, by our reactions to the circumstances that by what already is. One service you can do to yourself is by redefining what a wealthy person really is. Would a person who has a few months to live but millions in his bank account consider himself wealthy? Would a person who owns real estate property in different countries, but has no one to share a loving relationship with, call himself rich?

One of the definitions of wealth is having an abundance of resources. This could be a personal meaning of what resources really is. It is the simpler things in life that provide meaning and value for life. For me, a person who has a roof over his head, family to share a simple meal and is blessed with health, is wealthy by far. Lower your expectations of wealth and look at how rich and blessed you already are.

It is my hope that you realize through these daily practices, that peace with what you have is the only grand wealth of life. Health is the greatest possession and being satisfied with what you have is your hidden goldmine. Everything else is poor translation. The day you truly realize that you do have enough, is the day you will be truly rich. It is the day you will truly find freedom from your own shackles of thinking like a poor rich person. 

The following words penned by Irwin Mercer in “Greed” literally sums up why what we have is more than enough than what we do not

When we were born with no possession.

The love received was our concession.

No worries, no fears, no troubles, no fuss.

In mother's arms we put our trust.

But as we grew, we looked and craved,

and all too soon became enslaved.

The more we saw, the more we wanted.

Our quest for more became undaunted.

Our thirst for more could not be quenched.

The more we grasped, the tighter we clenched.

We scampered and gathered and gathered to hoard.

Possessions became our master and lord.

And when we're old with our treasures all heaped,

a sad example of what greed has reaped.

Our fists still clenched in a grasping motion,

till at our death, when our hands are opened.

To me, the reason we suffer is not that we desire more. That is an inherent part of our ego and a difficult undertaking to shake off completely. I think we suffer because we are asking ourselves the wrong questions.

So instead of asking what you want from life, meditate and sincerely ask yourself daily. What does life want from me?

I feel true wisdom embraces us when we surrender to the fact that we understand so little about life and ourselves. Endless desires can never show you the meaning of life. And if you still don't get what you want. It is because you deserve more. Hold on. Free yourself from your limited thoughts. There is a plan charted out for you already and it is wiser than you can ever imagine. Trust it. It is unfolding and will give you the opportunity to shine in your own unique way.

At the end of the day, you must recognize that if your needs are fulfilled, then you are living the life of wealth. Anything above that is your life surplus, which makes you a truly wealthy person, and being grateful for what it is. This very thinking is the key that will help you soar to unimaginable heights. You just need to take the first step. Free yourself. Come out of your Golden Cage.