Going Blank When You Speak (The Law of Reverse Effect)

It all starts with the fear.

Speaking in front of other people is one of the things that people fear most.?Even more than death, apparently.

Over the last 16 years, I’ve dug into this with thousands of people, and one of the main things they say they are worried about?is?going blank and then looking stupid in front of everyone.

So,?what can we do about this?

The Problem:

Common sense says there are typically two approaches to speaking in front of other people:

You either wing it, or you memorize a speech and then recite it.

Neither of these approaches works particularly well and both leave you extremely vulnerable to going blank when in front of an audience.?

The reason:

Most people rely on their mind’s ability to try and remember what they want to say. Trying typically uses willpower.?

If you start to worry about what you want to say, you try hard to remember what comes next.?But that doesn’t help. In?fact,?it makes it worse.

When I was studying Cognitive Behavioral Hypnotherapy at the London College of Clinical Hypnosis in 2006, one of the lecturers made this point powerfully to us. She asked if anyone had strong willpower. I said I did. She said "OK Roddy, show us how strong your willpower is... will yourself to sweat!"

The will is a conscious faculty, but sweating is not governed consciously.?But something is obviously doing it. Just not us consciously.?

We’ve all experienced this when trying to remember a person’s name. It’s on the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t seem to get it. And the more you try, the further it seems to slip away.?

It’s called the Law of Reverse Effect.

So, what do you need to do? Think about something else. In essence, stop trying so hard.

But it's not that simple!

Stress changes your physiology in?a number of?important ways.

Think about it, if you are about to be eaten by a lion, which is going to be of most use to you:

1. Your (slow) forebrain to think your way out? Or,
2. Your (super-fast) hindbrain to react in a fraction of a second?

You don’t get a conscious choice! The stress response diverts blood from the forebrain to the hindbrain so you can react, and crucially,?you?lose your ability to think as normal.

This is why?in stressful?situations,?it can feel like things are happening to us and we are just observing it like a third party. (Remind me to tell you about being held up at gunpoint another time!)

More commonly we know this as exam stress. You know you know it, but you can’t remember it! And the more you worry, the worse it gets.?

Willpower?is?NOT the answer.?

There's a much better way:

Thanks to the marvelous Disney movie Frozen, we all know the answer: LET IT GO! (if you didn’t sing that in your head, there’s something wrong with you ??)

Being attached to specific words is a big problem and totally unnecessary.?

Sometimes it’s not a matter of trying?harder but?trying something else. Just let?go, and?find another way.

When most people worry about speaking, it tends to be before they speak and then when they first start speaking.?

Without any doubt, the best thing you can do to overcome anxiety is to be properly prepared.?But if you are short on time, focus on your open - the first things you are going to say. If you can delegate these to habit, they will still be available to you even when extremely stressed. (Think how easy it is to recite a nursery rhyme you know inside out.)

As Richard Kline said, "Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control".

But when it comes to speaking, preparation does not mean script out the perfect speech, memorize it and then try and recite it. As we’ve seen, this leaves you vulnerable.?

Preparation means practice, experiment, and discover the best way of saying what you want to say.

This is very much an out-loud activity. Just like you will do when you are?actually doing?it.?

Rather than spending hours and hours crafting the perfect script through endless editing, spend that time making some bullet points and then speak them out. Review your performance and then try again. Identify your key points, your best bits, the things you can’t miss, and experiment with different ways of covering them all. Record yourself to review your performance.

Check out the multiple benefits:

Your message will continue to evolve through this process.?You’re still editing, but you’re editing out loud rather than on paper. So, good news: it won’t take any longer.

You will be so much more robust because you’ll have not just one way to tell it, but lots of different ways. Including the best way. But if you do forget something in the moment, just keep?going and find?a different pathway. The audience will never know.?

Aside from becoming bulletproof in the delivery of your message, you’ll also be so much more relatable. Your personality will be able to shine?through?and you will seem conversational, comfortable, and authentically you.?The audience will feel like they know you, which is foundational to trusting you.?

All in all, you'll be as prepared as you can be and open to enjoying the experience. Doesn't that sound good?

To watch the accompanying video for this newsletter click here.

#speaking #speakertraining #publicspeaking #publicspeaker #communicationskills #communicationtips #maxwellleadership #roddygalbraith