Going Beyond Polite Interaction, Why Workers Need to Connect to Get the Job Done.

Harvard artilce on small talk

I just read an article someone posted about the value of and importance of small talk in the work environment and I made a comment. In retrospect, I think it is worthwhile to expand my comments and add a link to the piece.

I worked over 50 years, from the time I was in high school until now. Every position I held allowed me to develop relationships with virtually everyone I came into regular contact with.

There were two exceptions. I took a job with a utility company that I quit after 6 weeks. For a while I was a legend there because everyone hated the place and I was the only one with the courage to quit. While I knew and liked my coworkers, we never really connected. The atmosphere was just not conducive, at least for me, the only female in a department of male engineers.

The only other time was my last 9 to 5 job. I never worked in an atmosphere like that. People did not even go out to lunch together. When I went out into the field, it was even worse. I worked with a crew of about 6 people and never really ever had words that were not about the job. There was no break, no respite. I needed to relate personally, but the connections I made were with consultants and contractor personnel, not my own team. I hated that job just like I hated the utility.

I realize now, more than ever, that getting up and going to work involves more than a burning desire to be productive and make money for someone else. You are not your best at a job unless you are happy and that needs human interaction. Imagine an assembly line where people don't chat or a faculty that doesn't know about each other's personal lives. What police would put themselves on the line for someone they don't even know if they're married. In construction, office or field, it's no different.

During my college years, I worked at Macy's, I became friendly with everyone and especially one woman my age. We chatted all the time, even to the occasional consternation of management, but we were the best two workers in the women's department. Whenever there was a backup or a long line developing, we were dispatched to that department to take over for the people working the registers. It was not easy giving up my Saturday afternoons, but I loved that job.

But the clearest example of why interaction with others is essential to a productive workplace was when I supervised the construction of a major building in New York city. The owner, for whom I worked directly, used to critize me for "wanting to be liked." Respect and fear was the way he liked to run his ship. To him, comaradie slowed things down and helped turn workers against the boss. When he said this, I told him that without qualification, the only reason I got his building completed in a blizzard, was having the workers who "liked me" work around the clock, with some staying at a hotel nearby. I never saw people work so closely with a shared intent. Even the unions looked the other way, when I had civilians do things that just had to be done and there were not enough rank and file to do it.

It is very hard not to be willing to go out of your way with someone you have a relationship with. On the other hand, without a connection, most people don't care enough to help someone. But small talk is about more than creating relationships. It is a respite, a stress reliever. It calms anger, restores confidence and provides the time out people need to empty their minds for a moment and think clearer.

Sure, it can get out of hand, but there are ways to control it. And for all the standing around chatting I did at Macy's instead of rearranging dresses on the racks and trying to look busy, there was never a customer neglected. There was never stock that had to be put away or paperwork to be managed.

And, on that big construction site, the crew, who generally disliked the owner, had a sense of ownership of their own because they knew they "belonged" to the team that was making it happen, despite him.

And all this comes from the sharing that starts with small talk.