The Gods of New York

I can't tell you how we ended up in New York City. It's not the first place that comes to mind when you're forced to move everything from your ancestral home to a new location.?

Maybe I didn't see the signs. Maybe we were all too wrapped up in the intrigue, the drama, the love affairs to notice how much the world had changed below us. I think part of our problem is we forgot about the mortals; we were comfortable, and it's no wonder they lost faith in us and moved on to other religions that could make promises like divine forgiveness and eternal salvation. I'm too old for this, and I wouldn't have made the move except as time went by, we discovered that we were losing our powers. Aphrodite started to age, I couldn't hurl lightning bolts, and Cupid's arrows became worthless. I sought out the Oracle at Delphi, (who let me tell you) is a hard woman to come by these days. Last I heard, she opened up a Club Med, and was the toast of the town, armed with a cocktail in hand barely clinging to the edge of the bar, she stumbled over to my direction,

"Zeus, baby, how are you darling? HAVE a drink. These blue things, they're called 'hurricanes,' your brother, Poseidon, would simply die. Absolutely di-VINE. What can I do for you?"

Mind you a thousand years ago, this woman would have groveled at my feet, and wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Listen, I've been trying to get a hold of you. I need to know why we're losing our powers? Is it the ambrosia?" “Ohmmmmmm...." What in our names was she doing? “Ummm?” “Oh, it's this Buddhist meditation thing, it's really something, really helps me focus my energies and release my shakras.”

"Shak-what?"

"It's Buddhism, baby. And, this religion called Hinduism, helped me stop eating beef altogether. Done wonders for my figure."

I wanted to bash her face into the bar. She was getting on my last nerve. But being reduced to the status of a hair-above mortal in a place full of burly men in black, the last thing I needed was fight where I’d be grossly outnumbered.

"Ohmmmm... Ah-hah! I've got it now, Zeus baby. It's simple really, you just gotta go."

"Go? Go where?!? What are you talking about," I spat on the ground.?

"Don't get all huffy,” she stirred her drink and added, “I'm seeing a statue, hmmm, it's green." At this point the Oracle was rubbing her temples, closing her eyes, and rattling off the most ridiculous prophesy I had ever heard, and believe me, I had witnessed many.

“There's also this tall building... Umpire... Empire... Empire State... and something to do with apples... big apples... oh, Zeus, baby you're going to simply die! Here's the 411... you gotta go to NYC... that's New York City. Start a new life, gain a new following, and you'll all be fine there. Went there last year on vacay, totally maxed out my credit card."

My jaw dropped. New York City. Leave Greece? She must have been out of her mind. She may have been, but her eyes rolled back, and the Oracle began chanting a prophecy in a tongue that was beyond our realm. How I wished at that point that she would still be speaking Ancient Greek. All of this was foreign to me. She snapped out of her revelry and led me to a black box. ?

"This isn't another Pandora again."

"Relax Zeus baby, it's called a "lap-top." Repeat, "Lap--top."This woman was patronizing me. And, if she called me "baby" one more time, I was going to rip her tongue out. I relished the thought.

"What am I supposed to do with this thing?"

"Surf the Web."

"Surf the what? What does this have to do with tides? And shouldn't my brother...” she put one of her index fingers against my lips.?

"No, no, silly. It's like a book except you type in words, and it pulls up information. Tell you what, you look sooooooooo stressed right now, I'm going to hook you up with my travel agent, and this Realtor in New York, and you'll be fine. You're going to need to sell some of that treasure of yours,” she looked down at my manhood and winked before rubbing her fingers together to gesture, “You're going to need American dollars.”

"American dollars?"

I couldn't listen to her prattle any longer. I stood there and let her go on and on. All that kept going through my head was regret. Had we been so deluded? Had we all been wrapped up in the drama we created? I couldn't remember the last time I descended to Earth.

Over time, we lost track of worshipers, and the offerings dwindled. Hera was getting on my last nerve. The truth was, ever since Alcmene, I had been faithful. And, how could I resist those dark eyes that were as charming as Aphrodite's?

And, it wasn't the sex so much, I know that's how the mortals portrayed it, but it was conversation. I’d rest my head on Aly’s lap and tell her what was bothering me, and she listened whereas all Hera ever did was screech. I needed an escape. And, maybe that's why I stopped caring altogether.

***

I was left with little choice, and I took my time on my way back. I did this thing mortals call "window shopping" in Athens.

The people had changed so much. Women wore pants and had short hair. The young were immersed in a cacophony of sound that I would later discover was called music. Tiny devices emitted inexplicable noises and allowed mortals to communicate instantaneously with anyone, anywhere.

What was this new sorcery?

Naturally, my first instinct was Prometheus, who I hadn't seen in centuries. First fire, now this? I could feel my jaws getting tighter and my knuckles growing whiter. I decided to keep Olympus waiting. I’d seek Prometheus first. I would skip all the pleasantries, pet the eagle, and ask him how his liver was doing.?

To my surprise, when I got there. There was no eagle, no pecked-out liver. Just a broken chain and a note addressed to me. "So I guess you finally got the news... I'll be in New York by the time you read this. Look me up, when you get there, Prometheus Lighters Inc."

Where did he get his gall? What Prometheus did made the Greeks the greatest civilization in the world, but he should have at least ran the idea by me.

Well, come to think of it, I probably would have gouged his eyes out at the mere suggestion.