God, Grant Me the Serenity… to Question Everything: A Jacques Derrida Guide (No, He’s Not a French Life Coach)

For many people, 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous have been a lifeline. These programs provide community, structure, and hope during some of life’s darkest moments. But for others, like me, the structure and philosophy of these programs can feel limiting, contradictory, or even harmful. As I became more educated, the contradictions in the program disrupted me so profoundly that I could no longer participate in what I saw as hypocrisy.

That said, it’s important to acknowledge that the 12-step model has helped countless people and saved many lives. Critiquing or stepping away from a program doesn’t diminish its value for those who find healing within it. The way someone else recovers is not a threat to your recovery, nor does it invalidate your journey.

In recent years, I’ve observed how divisive and emotionally charged conversations about recovery have become, especially on social media. People deconstructing from 12-step programs often feel misunderstood or attacked, while those who remain committed to the program sometimes feel threatened by these critiques. The result is often conflict where there should be dialogue, and division where there could be understanding.

This blog aims to present a philosophical viewpoint on deconstruction—one inspired by Jacques Derrida’s concept of deconstructionism—in hopes that we can all take a step back and examine this process together. By understanding what’s happening and why, we can have more thoughtful, productive conversations that honor everyone’s recovery journey. Instead of working against each other, let’s find ways to support each other, recognizing that recovery is not one-size-fits-all.

Who Was Jacques Derrida?

Jacques Derrida (1930–2004) was a French philosopher best known for developing the concept of deconstruction. Derrida believed that no system of thought—whether it’s a religion, philosophy, or recovery program—holds absolute truth. Every system contains contradictions, gaps, and assumptions that shape how we think and live. Deconstruction is the process of carefully unpacking these systems to reveal their limitations and open space for new possibilities.

Importantly, deconstruction isn’t about destroying something or proving it wrong. Instead, it’s about understanding a system’s assumptions and deciding what still resonates. Derrida’s work reminds us that questioning is not an act of rejection but a step toward growth and understanding.

Deconstructing 12-Step Programs: A Personal Journey

When someone deconstructs their relationship with a 12-step program, they’re engaging in a process similar to Derrida’s deconstruction. This might mean questioning the program’s core ideas, examining contradictions, and ultimately finding a recovery path that better fits their needs and values. Here’s how that process often unfolds:

1. Questioning the Core Assumptions

12-step programs are built on principles like admitting powerlessness, surrendering to a higher power, and following a specific set of steps to recovery. These ideas can be helpful for many, but they may feel restrictive or misaligned for others. Deconstructing individuals might ask:

• Do I have to see myself as powerless to recover?
• What if I don’t believe in a higher power?
• Can recovery happen outside of this framework?

This stage is about exploring whether the program’s assumptions align with one’s personal beliefs and experiences.

2. Exposing Contradictions

Deconstruction often involves identifying contradictions within a system. In 12-step programs, some common contradictions might include:

• The claim that the program is "spiritual, not religious," despite its use of prayer and religious language.
• The emphasis on individual recovery alongside the demand to conform to the steps.

Exposing these contradictions doesn’t mean rejecting the program outright—it’s about acknowledging its limitations and deciding what works for you.

3. Displacing, Not Destroying

Derrida emphasized that deconstruction isn’t about flipping the hierarchy—rejecting one idea in favor of another—but about displacing it to make room for new possibilities. For someone stepping away from 12-step programs, this might look like:

• Keeping the aspects of the program that resonate, like community support, while letting go of what doesn’t, such as the spiritual framework.
• Being open minded to alternative recovery models and supporting those who chose them.
• Redefining success in recovery, focusing on progress and well-being rather than rigid abstinence.

4. Rewriting Your Narrative

A critical part of deconstruction is reclaiming your story. In 12-step programs, participants are often encouraged to define themselves by labels like “alcoholic” or “addict.” While this can be empowering for some, it can feel reductive or stigmatizing for others. Deconstruction allows you to ask:

• Do I have to define myself by my struggles?
• What other strengths and identities define me?
• How can I tell my story in a way that reflects my whole self?

The Connection to Religious Deconstruction

The process of deconstructing from a 12-step program is strikingly similar to the experience many people have when they deconstruct from Judeo-Christian religious belief systems. Both processes involve questioning deeply ingrained teachings, exposing contradictions, and navigating feelings of fear, guilt, and even isolation.

Similarities Between the Two Processes

• Questioning Core Beliefs: Just as people leaving religious traditions may question the existence of a higher power or the rules governing morality, those stepping away from 12-step programs may question the necessity of powerlessness or spirituality in recovery.
• Exposing Contradictions: Religious deconstruction often involves grappling with contradictions in sacred texts or doctrines, much like 12-step participants wrestle with the program’s claims of inclusivity versus its reliance on spiritual language.
• Navigating Fear: In both cases, people may fear judgment or ostracism from their community for stepping away from the system.
• Finding New Paths: Both processes are ultimately about discovering new ways to live that feel authentic and true to one’s values.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re deconstructing from a 12-step program, you’re not alone. Many others have gone through similar journeys, whether stepping away from recovery systems or religious belief structures. Deconstruction is part of the human experience—a sign of growth, questioning, and the pursuit of truth.

Why Critiques Aren’t a Threat

For those who remain in 12-step programs, it’s important to remember that critiques of the program or someone stepping away are not threats to your recovery. Someone else’s journey doesn’t diminish yours. Instead of reacting with fear or defensiveness, consider engaging in open conversations. These discussions can foster mutual understanding and even strengthen your recovery by deepening your perspective.

Conclusion: Recovery as an Individual Journey

Deconstruction is not about rejecting recovery or belief systems—it’s about redefining them. It’s about finding what works for you, questioning what doesn’t, and moving forward in a way that feels authentic. Whether you remain in a 12-step program or find a different path, the most important thing is to honor your journey and respect the journeys of others.

As Derrida taught us, questioning is not destruction—it’s creation. By deconstructing old systems, we make space for new ideas, new possibilities, and new ways of being. You are not alone in this process, and by understanding it, you can navigate it with clarity and compassion

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