Goals, Expectations & Why we Shouldn't Ask for Feedback

Hello my friend,

It’s that time of the year when ‘goal setting’ is all the craze.

But what we need isn’t new goals, it’s new behaviours. We don't rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. Without making a change around our system or behaviour in any area the results will always be the same over the longer term.

We cannot rely on willpower or motivation. Both of these are in short supply and frankly well overrated.

This is why so many goals fail.

We have the best intentions but we focus so much on the goal and reaching it that we forget to plant the foundations that will take us there.

Instead of focusing on root behaviours we rely on diminishing supplies.

We put on the blinkers and try to bulldoze our way to the desired goal. It’s common to try and change too much too quickly and too extremely.

This is overwhelming, demotivating and rarely sustainable. It may last a couple of weeks, a month if lucky, but seldom will create long term change and success for us. Instead of setting unreasonable goals or trying to change everything it would be far better to focus on tweaking the behaviours themselves.

Let’s use a few examples.

We want to get fitter. We can start to organise better by hanging out our gym clothes and trainers in plain sight for each morning. We could make going outside the first thing we do each day, or we could take our bag in the car and drive directly to the gym from work.

We want to be more present. We can leave our phone in another room so we don’t get distracted during quality time with loved ones or to procrastinate when getting out of bed.

We want to eat healthier. We can start ordering more fresh food or not going to the supermarket when tired or hungry. We can start meal prepping our breakfast and lunch the day before during the working week.

We want more time for ourselves. We can use our calendar and block out time for us. This can be for exercise, meal planning, seeing friends, reading, resting. We could go to bed slightly earlier and wake up a little earlier, creating more quality quiet time for us or loved ones before a hectic day.

The behaviour change doesn't have to be drastic by any means.

Don’t try to boil the ocean. The best way is to choose just one behaviour change in any area and start the process to conquer that one. Once done the other behaviours will follow.

How we do anything is how we do everything.

This is the way to achieve sustainable change over the long term in any area. If we shift a behaviour, build a strong foundation and stay consistent with it over a period of time, the results will be extraordinary.

Pick one and start.

Things I’m learning

Ask for advice rather than feedback.

“Feedback tends to focus on how well you did in the past. Advice shifts attention to how you can do better in the future.” - Adam Grant

Forgetting the reason why to want to better ourselves in the first place.

“If we are unduly absorbed in improving our lives we may forget altogether to live them.” - Alan Watts

Remove the wants.

“Happiness is reality minus expectations.” - Tim Urban

Question

What is one behaviour that is getting in your way of a better future?

That’s all for this week. Thank you for reading.

With Love. Nick x

p.s. we were built for change