Goals Don't Work

As my son begins his junior year of high school and starts exploring colleges, he is constantly asked, "What career are you interested in pursuing? What do you want to do for a living?"

Nobody has asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Most goals are about doing.

Imagine if you helped others set intentions based on their values, friendships, or community instead of setting goals. By doing so, you can positively impact their lives. For years, I focused solely on setting goals because that's what I was told to do.

During my goal-setting training and workbooks, I learned about a study from Yale University that focused on goal-setting. The researchers surveyed Yale's graduating seniors to determine how many had specific, written goals for their future. After 20 years, the researchers followed up with the surviving class members and found that the 3% who had written goals were more successful and wealthier than the other 97% combined.

It turns out that the study claimed by Yale University never happened.

I have developed an aversion to "SMART goals," which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. I am not interested in goals that are deemed "achievable" or "realistic." Instead, I prefer to focus on "what's possible here."

In the past, I used to write down my goals on paper or in Google Docs, only to forget about them months or even years later. When I would run into them over time, I would realize that I had accomplished some of them, lost interest in others, and still had a few that I was actively pursuing. Despite receiving training and using workbooks to set and achieve goals, I discovered that simply obsessing over them did not guarantee success. Ultimately, there is a difference between those who set goals and those who effectively solve problems.

Are you like me? I get energized when I see a problem.

The problem with solving problems

For many years, I was known as a problem solver. I was the person people would call on to deal with challenges. I am so future-focused that I usually upset any boss I worked for by trying to solve problems that had yet to occur. Sound familiar?

This mindset has worked well for me professionally, too. I am great at finding ways around obstacles. I ask questions, search for root causes, relish in life's gray areas, and think creatively about how to solve things.

Instead of setting goals as we approach 2024, what if you made a list of problems to solve and you just worked on them? There are a couple of issues with solving problems. First of all, be aware of defaulting to problem-solving in your relationship. I still do it without thinking sometimes, and... Meredith isn't a fan. Of course, there are a couple of issues with always solving problems.

The main problem with being a good problem-solver is that challenges and threats energize you. So we sometimes avoid things like taxes, relationships, or income—until they reach problem-level status—because then we can swoop in and save the day. Sound familiar? No, the bipolar doesn't help either...

Here's another way to approach life - seek opportunities.

So, let me tell you about another to approach life…

Suddenly, it dawned on me that I am an Opportunity Seeker. It's this small group of seekers who aren't really into setting goals or solving problems. Instead, we rely on their deepest wisdom, gut intuition, or just following our spirit to spot opportunities others miss.

That is why, for years, I've been setting goals—and honestly, I never really paid much attention to them.

That's why I make to-do lists—and rarely check them.

It's one of the reasons I've been successful. I mean, I'm not even attached to the outcome, which might sound weird coming from a sales leader.

That is why I really value leverage. I'm always looking for small steps that can have a considerable impact.

It's why my one-line business plan has always been, "What's possible here."

It's why I constantly ask myself, "Who is the one person I truly connected with today?"

I was born curious and am constantly learning. Fun is my neutral. And I fail far more often than I succeed.

If you want to succeed at this game, remember:

Don't play by the rules. Play with the rules (and have fun).

I'm always exploring and trying to live an examined life. I admit I fail again and again and again. It's why I succeed.

What if you don't set goals for the year ahead but instead focus on problem-solving? And what if you actively seek out opportunities rather than just solving problems? Most importantly, what if you start asking yourself, "Who do you want to be?" instead of "What do you want to do?"

In my experience, being too attached to specific goals has often closed me off to other exciting opportunities. Being empathetic, authentic, and flexible has allowed me to learn from life's ups and downs, turning them into valuable experiences.

So, as we look ahead, consider focusing less on specific, measurable achievements and more on who you want to become. Try to be open to new experiences and ready to learn from both successes and failures. By shifting your focus in this way, I assure you it will make your life richer and more fulfilling.

Consider stepping into the future not just by doing but by becoming. Whether we're solving problems, setting goals, or finding new opportunities, the most important thing is who we become in the process. Keeping this in mind as you move forward, you'll find that the future holds a wealth of possibilities.