On goal-setting, and being late for lunch

What sets effective coaching apart from a “nice chat”? One of the factors is the client’s willingness to set clear goals, and consider active steps to move towards these.

As a coach, my role is to challenge my client to ensure that the goals they identify are meaningful to them, and to use effective questioning to help them work out how they will reach those goals. While the goal usually stays the same, over time the client invariably experiments with a number of different techniques to achieve what they want.

While I was out walking in Cornwall recently, it occurred to me that my approach to hiking is not entirely dissimilar to my approach to coaching. On this particular day, I had very clearly identified my goal: The Tinner’s Arms in Zennor. I’d even made my goal time-bound, primarily because they don’t serve food all afternoon.?

What I hadn’t done, however, is consider exactly how I was going to find my way there.? I knew the paths I didn’t want to take: the cliffs are far too strenuous, and the busy main road didn’t appeal. So knowing the area reasonably well, I set out alone with just an approximate route in my head, which involved starting off in the opposite direction, cutting over a hill, across the moor and down through the fields. What could possibly go wrong?

Spoiler alert: this turned out to be far more vague than I’d intended, and my hike didn’t go remotely according to plan. Nobody needs to be pushing their way through head-height gorse, away from their destination, in the height of the midday sun. Happily, I did make it to the Tinner’s Arms for lunch – eventually meeting my goal – although nowhere near the time I’d originally envisaged.

Fortuitously, the additional time on my feet enabled me to reflect upon a few important things along the way:

• Even if you think you know the route you’re going to take, it’s important to prepare. When you’re hiking, that means packing plenty of water and snacks. Maybe a map too, if you know that the 4G gods are unlikely to smile upon your mobile signal. In a work context, what support might you need to think about in advance so that even if you take an unforeseen diversion from the path, you can still reach your goal?
• ?Sometimes you encounter an unexpected obstacle, let’s say for example a padlocked gate at the end of what you’d believed to be a public footpath. You might decide to climb the gate. You might retrace your steps and find an easier route. You might, as I did, start to climb, worry about your limitations, and then retrace your steps instead. By trying a few things yourself, you’ll find a solution that work best for you. You might even get a sense of satisfaction from overcoming the obstacle, and you’ll certainly have a better idea of what you could do differently next time.
• Be aware of your boundaries.? If you’re on the side of a hill and see a physical warning sign for mine-shafts, you know not to stray too far from the path until the risk of falling into a deep hole has passed.? Perhaps the equivalent here is an inner circle of trusted friends or colleagues, or a coach of course, who can help to keep you on track when the risks are high, and encourage you to explore more freely when it’s the right time to do so.
• Keep going when things get tough. Walking downhill knowing that you will then have further to walk uphill is disheartening. Granite boulders in your way can seem insurmountable. Having quite literally no idea where you are in relation to where you need to be can feel scary. ?It crossed my mind that I could turn back, or find the nearest road and call a taxi. And sometimes, it will cross a client’s mind that achieving their goal feels too hard and perhaps they don’t really want to achieve it, or that there might be a shortcut that makes things easier in the short term. That’s when it’s most important to focus on the goal, and to persevere. ?
• Enjoy the moment. There’s humour to be found (afterwards, at least) in scrabbling under a bush to get back on the path; an illicit thrill in pretending not to see a “No Entry” sign and nonchalantly strolling through someone’s garden like you casually break rules all the time; pure joy in being stopped in your tracks because an actual, real-life weasel runs up the lane squeaking in front of you. Had I stuck to a pre-determined plan, none of these things would have happened. And yet they’re what I remember most about my journey.

• Acknowledge everything you’ve accomplished. Meeting a goal or not is quite a clear-cut distinction. Pushing your limits, exploring options, trying a few things even when (especially when!) you don’t succeed and recognising the unexpected small wins along the way are all achievements in their own right, even if you haven’t achieved your goal yet, or have got there but perhaps not in quite the way that you had expected.
• Take time to recover. My calves will thank me for taking a rest day after my longer-than-expected hike, in the same way that my brain thanks me for taking time to reset after I’ve finished a big piece of client work. It’s impossible to push on relentlessly every day without something taking its toll physically or mentally. Recognise when you need a break, and take the time to do so.

I don’t think it’s quite as simple as saying it’s about the journey not the destination. If you’re sure you’ve identified the right destination, of course it matters that you reach it. And that won’t happen unless you take the first step. But after that, everything you try is likely to take you closer to your goal, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. And provided you don’t fall down a literal or metaphorical old tin mine shaft, there might just be a lot to gain from whatever else you experience along the way.

It goes without saying that if you think I might be able to help you with that journey, please get in touch. Hiking boots optional.