Go your own way – Living your own life or someone else’s?

Hey there,

Today, I want to dive into something that affects all of us, whether you're an executive, manager, or seasoned professional.

We’ve all felt that little (or sometimes big) social pressure that pushes us to conform—to follow cultural norms or do what’s expected of us, whether it's with our family, in society, or even at work. You know, those famous expectations that sometimes make us live a life that doesn't really feel like ours.

In my last newsletter, I talked about creativity as a tool for rebirth and gave you some ideas to become aware of its importance. Today, I’d like to add that it’s crucial to understand your position within the cage of conformity, and maybe break out of it to fully embrace the creativity within you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting you go off the rails and become an anarchist living in a cabin deep in the woods. Nope. The idea here is to recognize these pressures, understand how they influence our choices, and most importantly, find ways to overcome them so we can fully express who we are—without, of course, throwing away the basic rules of living together in society.

So, ready to explore this phenomenon and see how some brilliant minds managed to break free and live authentic lives? Let’s dive in!

The invisible cage of social conformity

We live in a society where cultural norms are everywhere. These norms, which Vishen Lakhiani calls the “culturescape” in his book The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, create a sort of collective mental landscape. Basically, it’s a set of unspoken rules that society imposes on us, often from a young age, telling us what we should do, how we should do it, and why it’s “the right thing” to do. It’s everything around us from childhood, starting with our parents, teachers, friends, and the general way of living of the society we live in.

The problem is, if we don’t question these norms, they can become an invisible cage. You know that cage where everything seems to be going fine, but deep down, you have this quiet feeling that you’re not really living your own life. It’s the cage where every day feels like a script written by someone else: “Get a degree, land a stable job, buy a house, start a family…”

You get the picture.

These expectations, while often well-intentioned, can stifle individuality. You end up checking boxes without really knowing why, and that can hold back the expression of your deepest desires. It’s like society is giving you a fixed menu without letting you tweak a single ingredient.

?But why is it so hard to break out of this cage?

The answer is simple: fear of judgment. We’re afraid of disappointing others, being seen as odd, or even facing isolation. And let’s be honest, we’re often our own harshest critic. That little voice whining in your head that says, “But what will people think if I quit my stable job to pursue writing or any other dream within me?”

For example, we’ve all heard at some point, “Success means having a respectable career, a good salary, a nice house, and the perfect family.” If you don’t fit that mold, you might be perceived (or might perceive yourself) as a failure. But who exactly does this model fit? You? Others? Or is it just society feeding us the same old story?

This is where we need to hit pause. Because living a life based on others’ expectations ultimately means giving up your own potential.

?The backlash of conformity

First up, let’s talk about loss of motivation, this motive that drives us toward action… ? When you conform to external expectations instead of following your own desires, you lose that spark that drives you forward. You know that little something that makes you wake up in the morning with a smile.

Or, as I mentioned earlier, our creativity gets stifled. Conformity is the number one enemy of innovation. If Steve Jobs had simply conformed, he probably never would have dared to imagine the iPhone or even the iPod, which revolutionized the music industry’s business model. Creativity needs space to thrive, and you often find that space by stepping off the beaten path.

?Breaking free from the cage

Some individuals have managed to ignore social pressures:

- Albert Einstein: everyone knows him for his theory of relativity, but did you know he was a mediocre student and had a chaotic academic career? He never conformed to the expectations of success in his time. And yet, by following his own path and thinking differently, being creative, he changed the world.

?- Frida Kahlo: an artist who defied all the social conventions of her time, fully embracing her uniqueness. Despite societal expectations tied to her gender, culture, and era, she stood by her vision without compromise.

- Elon Musk: love him or hate him, you’ve got to admit that this man doesn’t conform to norms. By launching SpaceX, Tesla, and envisioning projects like Hyperloop, he challenged the limits society places on what’s possible.

These people all share one thing: they understood that at some point, they needed to break out of that invisible cage. Not just to rebel for the sake of it, but to adhere to their true mission.

Now, not everyone may have the same ambition, but believe me, there are real benefits to evaluating your own situation and giving yourself at least a chance to get closer to the life that’s waiting within you, beyond the daily routine dictated by obligations we impose on ourselves or that have been imposed on us.?

Take the time to reflect. What do you really want? What are your desires, values, and deepest aspirations? Sometimes this means disconnecting from the surrounding noise and listening to yourself. This process can start with practices like meditation or journaling to clarify your thoughts.?

Question the rules you’re following. Do they serve you or hold you back? Vishen Lakhiani introduces an interesting concept here: “Brules” (bullsh*t rules). These are the absurd rules many people follow without ever questioning them.?

We all need a support system, even when we make unconventional choices. Find mentors, friends, or communities who will alert you when you're not following your true path—because often, our true friends, those who really support us, know us better than we know ourselves.?

What we’re really talking about here is personal freedom. This freedom doesn’t have to clash with the well-being and respect of others, but it should allow you to say no! I don’t want to live a life imposed on me by society or the "culturescape". I deserve to make conscious choices that align with who I really am and what I want to achieve.

Just because everyone is following a certain path doesn’t mean it’s yours.?

So, dare to be different. I love the saying of Dr. Seuss, the beloved children's author known for his whimsical and inspiring quotes.

- "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

Finally, be the architect of your own life, not just an actor in a script you didn’t write. We only have one life, and as Wayne Dyer said: "Don’t die with your music still in you."

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Sources:

- Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson

- Frida: A Biography of Frida Kahlo by Hayden Herrera

- Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance

- The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani

- Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer

- Happy Birthday to You! by Dr. Seuss

#Authenticity #PersonalGrowth #SelfAwareness #MindsetShift #PersonalDevelopment #Empowerment #Leadership