"Go Easy on Me" - Three Thought-Provoking Points from "The Failing"

"Go easy on me.?I was still a child, didn't get to feel the world around me."?

When Adele released this song in 2021, it became a cultural phenomenon. Everyone identified themselves highly in almost every part of Adele's emotional portrayal. At the time, I just began my life as an international student in the Netherlands. Then, I already regularly consulted an Indonesian psychologist for about a year. Still, it took another year for me to have my psychologist foretell the most prominent symptoms I have been showcasing:?major depressive disorders.?I remembered how I was sighing in relief, even though I was still in pain:?after all, it was an illness, just like any other regular diagnosis - diabetes, stroke, and much more. I wasn't lazy or didn't work hard enough. I had been unwell.

Indeed, most of my kin trained us - the children - growing up in a particular manner:?work hard, be #1 in class, go to the best university, put your career first, and lead an everyday life like everybody else - often referred to having "prestigious" or "tangible" career, being married "on time," buying houses, or much more else.?How much I did follow that pathway:?I worked the hardest to be accepted in relatively good public schools, making it to always be the top #10 or #3 in classes, being accepted to the most prestigious university, sacrificing 'hobbies' or 'passions' (because they are 'a waste' of resources), and most importantly, to obtain a job?before?graduation.?I have had all that,?'like everyone else,'?and yet, it wasn't the answer still. So, when eventually things lead to depression and burnout, I wouldn't find it very surprising.

While writing this, I finished "Sapiens - A Graphic History" by Yuval Noah Harari, David Vandermeulen, and Daniel Casanave. And through it, one more time, I found that back in history, Sapiens, us, were not catered to live an ultra fast-paced life, where everything must be ready for the next five, ten, or even twenty-five years. Simultaneously, our reality today has grown dramatically opposed to what it used to be. For many of my kin, those born in middle-low income families with no nepotism line, working hard and hopefully sustaining a "stable job" from it would be the only safety we have since nobody will grant us the luxury of an elaborated social security system.?

So, for a while, I didn't think much about it. If anything, life as an immigrant has taught me so much about finding peace with (un)certain reality. After all, I can leave the wonders behind, since I have finally made my way to the land I see as fertile soil, where I can grow to my utmost.

Fast forward to today, a year after obtaining one master's degree and applying for 2000 jobs all around the world, and on the brink of having to leave the country which I have built my dream upon, it would be a lie to say that the symptoms of what was hasn't comeback. They resided within me, even more brutally.?

Thus, perhaps, I started recalling Adele's song and connecting it to my thoughts: Why is the idea of "going easy" on someone, not a universal right??Below, I will elaborate on three of my thoughts.

1. Why is slow and/or wide self-discovery, 'late bloomers,' essentially 'unfavorable' and thus 'less appreciated?'

Daily, the evidence is clear: from where I come from, even today, it is still easier to find job vacancies that put a "maximum of 25 years old, with a bachelor's degree," as a requirement. In this part of the world, the requirements usually look like "having to graduate from a WO - research university" and being at the top of the class, even though the job has little to do with research / academic pathway. Strangely enough, when I started living in the Netherlands, I immediately realized that many people barely started their bachelor's years at 29. Although this group of people still receives some frowns, it doesn't change the fact that people still respect those who slowly discover their lives and interests. The same situation applies to those who take time to discover which pathway they should go to, like Vincent van Gogh once. Vincent van Gogh has always been a widely used example of a late bloomer with a vast length of interest as a child, even though he never gave up painting. Sometimes, even in modern society, many still do not want to admit that?'has always known what they want as a child'?does not happen to everyone. Even if it does, it may take so many privileges and luxuries to obtain various "inspiration" or "extra lessons" as a kid.

It still needs to consider whether they will have the luxury of signs to find the?'direction'?to discover oneself. Through her book "Educated," Tara Westover showcased the days of growing up as a strict Mormon believer. In the book, she explained how even after she left, starting more advanced education, she had to spend most of her time battling with confusion on what to pursue. Some people barely knew what they wanted to be when they started turning 30, 40, or even 50. If today, human life expectancy has grown past 30 or even 50, why are those of us still struggling to survive as we walk past 25 considered?'less fit?'

2. Why are not many 'starting over' people celebrated or supported before reaching the "successful point?"

This one may sound very whiny. Yet, as a person who has been constantly 'starting over,' because I have never had many constant career guides, I often thought:?what a more soothing journey this can be, even if it goes challenging if people wouldn't be so cynical to those who often have to start over, like 'late-bloomers.'?There is a supporting theory to this from Rich Kalgaard in his book 'Late Bloomers.' A fun fact: I read the book when I was 23 because even then, I already thought I was a?'failure'?for not being able to advance like most of my peers. After leaving my pharmacy career prospect, simply because I eventually realized that I wouldn't be able to strive in it, there were many days where I felt like I couldn't have 'fancy careers' like my peers. I was in a market research - strategist job. I enjoyed them so much, couldn't have asked for a better one. Yet, since it wasn't a?'fancy career,' it?wasn't considered authentic. Looking back to that day, as a 28-year-old, I felt how strong the irony was.?I wasn't even a quarter-way to my "ideal life," yet I thought I was already failing. That was genuinely baffling!?

Then, after living in the Netherlands and having a humane pace of living, I found a new aim: to be a researcher, a creative producer, and a writer. So yes, my final thought provocation is this: Why can't we be more assisting and caring, performing less judgment for those still on a deliberate journey of life and perhaps having to 'start over' throughout life?

Why will only a few people assist those who take more time after being affected by external factors?

I immediately thought about the closest, most recent example: the COVID-19 pandemic. After the pandemic dissipated, many people still suffer from personal finance disruption or health declaration. Most people around my age, those who would have turned 25 or 26 between 2020 and 2021, felt like we lost much of our lives without knowing what 'could be better.' By the time we want to explore, our time has passed, and the newer generation has taken our place.

On another side note, as a history and anthropology enthusiast, I will always point out how colonialism still significantly damages the current reality. Having been born in a country that is not even 100 years old, much systemic damage still lingers, especially regarding self-discovery. Often, people talk about "more crucial things," like "economic damage," which is still very important. Yet, there are more things that damage is often more subtle than we realize. For example, because I speak English fluently, many of my international peers wouldn't believe me when I say that I am the only person in my immediate kin who is fluent in it. I always have to elaborate on how my parents were the firstborn on Java island, the more "developed" place of my country, and the first generation who went to university, digging themselves out from the chain of poverty. My grandparents were the first migrants to Java from a remote area in Sumatra when my country was barely five years old. As I grew up, I didn't have the luxury like many of my bachelor's and master's years' peers of having read 'National Geographic' books or seen international channels. I was privileged when my mom bought me Disney's Magic English at age two and sent me to an English course academy in our neighborhood at 8. I was already fortunate that my mom often bought me secondhand books and planted a fondness for me to read, something I still hold dearly today. Yet, even in my gratitude, it won't change the fact that I must constantly teach myself very slowly on things?I want to do and?can do.

I never really realized how much I have to always teach and support myself on many crucial points of my life. For example, only when I started my bachelor years that I realized there were careers beyond medicine, military, economics, and engineering ward since everyone around me was that.?Only recently, when a dear friend put them out for me, I acknowledged that I?taught myself most of what I have done.?Having been in this life of 'being disadvantaged,' I could never relate whenever someone said,?'Oh, I talked to my mother's colleague from the office. She taught me how to invest, to start a life abroad, or how to be a professor at a university.'?Maybe my story was not that special, as billions of people have lived like that -?or will continue living like that.?Still, my question remains,?"Why won't we acknowledge the external factors more, that many people may take longer to be where they need to be, so let's just give her/them/him a chance?"

So, I will leave my writing here to provoke a more healthy discussion. I didn't write this because I knew any better. I am still determining the answer to most of these questions. What I can be more sure of, I relate to what Adele was saying next,?

'I had no time to choose what I chose to do... So, go easy on me.'

Groningen

04/03/2024