Gnullar Dwonkaburt gnullar ninny birdiyah? Are we hearing our young leaders?

Sitting with a colleague in a café before the Christmas break began, I found myself falling into a very similar rant about another young person who I met who was struggling. Although the story differs from person to person, the outcome seems the same, and I dare say, it can be prevented. The young person feels either so insignificant, unheard, unsupported or overwhelmed, that their mental health is severely impacted and to the point that suicide seems to be the only answer. Many years ago, this was my experience to and with the volume of funding and thus programs or initiatives that are out there, why the hell is the same story being repeated and the issues being the same, I dare say worse. It makes me think, are we listening?

I can’t begin to tell you the volume of young people who contact me, some at all hours of the morning, crying out for help. To talk about all of them is a book in itself, if not a series of novels. As much as I sometimes think, “I can’t save them all” or “I don’t know how to fix it for them” I will, every time, sit up at all hours, chatting away (mainly on facebook because that us how us ‘young people’ communicate, regardless of the negative stigma around it being a ‘detached’ way of connecting with people). To be honest, when I was going through my hard times, I wish I had facebook and had easier access to people to talk. It is also my own personal experience that can never refuse a person in need, and although I may not be able to give them or solve for them the pain, angjuish and/or problems they may face, I will, at the very least, listen.

Yet saying that listening is the very least one can do is probably a stupid statement, because I believe here lies the fundamental flaw with working with young people today (by the way, working WITH not FOR, we don’t need to do anything for them as they are more than capable, unless its reminding them of how deadly they are).

I can’t deny the amount of organsiations I have worked with, who work with young people, who have all the passion and well-meaning intentions in the world to work with young people but end up being a detriment rather than a positive. Big call I know, but when the statistics of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander young people who are living with issues of and lost from suicide are considered an epidemic, the need to go back to basics, the yarning is critical.

To clarify, ‘Yarning’ is not just listening, nodding and walking away because I can tell you, these amazing young people who have shared their struggles with me, know when they are getting lip service and token gestures are being given. By the way, these young people I speak of aren’t just the ‘lost generation’ (not a fan of that term) but I am referring to young people who are highly successful, completing degrees, volunteer in multiple community initiatives and are considered ‘young leaders’.

As I am now 32, or only 32 (it is a weird age range as your not really young anymore and your not really old) I remember being a young go getter who wanted to solve the world problems and had no lack of energy to do so. However I had a world of opportunities, and half the time it wasn’t not having enough opportunities but too many to choose from. Then what I call the ‘duplication of services dilemma’ made it hard to decide, which Aboriginal or non Aboriginal organisation should I go to pursue my career, dreams or healing, as they are in effect doing the same thing, especially in the area of mentoring, training and leadership. Some seemed a little ‘cookie cutter’ in my eyes.

Lastly, as I am quite the unique character, none of the services really fit me, and I felt like I had to learn to fit in to benefit, rather than the service understanding what was the best way for me to engage with what they had to offer. Thank goodness for an organisation called Dumburton who did do this.

It is this constant message that comes across that young people think they don’t have a voice. Whether it be post-colonial intergenerational trauma, cultural expectations of respect, pressure from our ‘older’ and ‘elders’ to not waste (after all we have it so much better than history shows us) and quite simply the fear to disappoint the ones we love.

At the end of the day, it has become apparent that some young people feel overwhelmed and feel they can’t make an impact due to their age and therefore the cone of silence befalls them. If you are thinking “how the hell are places going to operate if they cater to each and every individual?”, “How is all this yarning time going to benefit”, “Isn’t this over consultation?”, “What if they don’t want to talk to us”. And my personal favorites, “it is a two way street” and “THEY ARE TO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND, DEAL WITH AND MANAGE THEIR OWN AFFAIRS”.

Yeah you are right. This yarning theory will take more time. Will put pressure on services to consider and innovate to be more appropriate to the needs of all clients rather than the square peg in the round hole agenda, therefore cutting costs, time and improving productivity long term. And if they don’t talk to you, your right it is a two way street, so we need to ask ourselves, why won’t they engage? Millions of dollars are afforded to services that are contracted to be a relevant and user friendly services to those with specific needs. Big money means big accountability and responsibility. If your engagement with and retention of relationships with clients is low, it is time to make a decision. What do we need to do to be relevant, to be approachable and to be the best possible resource possible in our scope, or is it time to either collaborate or support an organisation that does it better? Either way, if you are basing how you be relevant to a person or people without knowing their side of the story that isn’t yours, you are reading the narrative with one eye shut.

We tried assuming we knew about the first nations people in first contact. We now know better. We tried assimilation in this country and no surprises, not only did it fail miserably but it caused intergenerational damage and trauma for all involved. We initiated and continue to run our country on systems of governance, law, health and education to name few, that are only applicable to a vast minority that make up our diverse nation, and we continually see the flaws in this.

Until we yarn more and direct less, we will have to accept the state of affairs we are currently dealing with long term and as an Australian, a Noongar woman, a human being. The challenge I put you is, if we are not listening enough, then what is my sphere of influence to change this. Boorda koorliny mar barruniny mar waarnkiny noonar nguny: Lets us walk together towards the future hand in hand by yarning, me and you.