The Glory of Discomfort

Oh discomfort, dear old friend. Like a too tight pair of jeans, subtly questioning our self-esteem and gently waterboarding our illusions.?

With the current layoff season holding its fort throughout the IT industry, I couldn’t help myself but wonder: is there any reason for hope? Any reason to not surrender and keep pushing forward? A reason to embrace the discomfort we're in?

Let’s be real - yes, there is.?

With this article I aim to glorify the discomfort we’re all experiencing daily - and especially now - as a necessary step towards growth and progress. For all of us, individually and personally. I aim to inspire you to embrace this discomfort and use it as a tool to dismantle your beliefs, your assumptions and your status quo, with the simple aim to go beyond your comfort zone and embrace the thrill of the unknown - as it’s essential to living a fulfilling and meaningful life. I believe that by pushing through it, we can achieve great things.?

But it’s easier said than done, right?

Discomfort per se is a complex psychological and physiological phenomenon that by itself is hard to glorify, as every cell in our body makes us want to leave this crime scene immediately.?

Biologically speaking, discomfort is like a full-body workout for your fight-or-flight response - your heart races, your palms sweat, and your bowels do things you didn't even know were possible. Your amygdala (responsible for processing emotions, especially fear and anxiety) and stress hormones are in full attack mode to get you out of there!

Cognitively speaking, discomfort is like a horrible, never-ending game of "Would You Rather?" - would you rather be stuck in this uncomfortable situation forever or be chased by a giant spider? Tough call.?

And emotionally - oh boy. Still remember that toxic ex or outrageous parent-in-law that wouldn’t leave you alone - showing up uninvited, draining your energy, and leaving you with the urge to drop everything and sign-up for a three week meditation retreat? Jackpot. That’s discomfort.

But what does discomfort ultimately tell you? Well, in my view it tells you that there’s room for growth - or “you’re not dead yet” - which I’d also classify as advantageous.?

Discomfort is like the spinach of life - it might taste bitter at first, but it's packed with a whole lot of good stuff.?

For one, discomfort can teach you some serious life lessons - for example how to deal with difficult people, how to survive a presentation in front of a room full of snickering coworkers or how to deal with what you might currently interpret as the “biggest disaster of your professional career”.

Go ask yourself - is it really that bad? Why does this make me uncomfortable? And what can I do to take control of this situation? Cognitive reframing focuses on challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive or balanced ones. Instead of “I’ll fail this” try “This is challenging, but I can do my best and learn from it”. If you think about it, failure ultimately isn’t much more but an excessive collection of data points that will guide you towards a better solution next time.?

Discomfort can also help you build resilience and develop a thicker skin - because let's face it, if you can survive a root canal treatment without anesthesia, you can survive just about anything. Your next dentist’s appointment can therefore be a great place to start working on your breathing and relaxation techniques, calming your nervous system and thus your overall stress response. Try fully focusing on your breath - aiming for deep breaths and a steady pace. Counting to 4 while breathing in, holding your breath for a count of 4, and breathing out on a count of 5 works brilliantly for me. Don’t rush it, it takes time getting used to it.?

Plus, discomfort can be a great motivator - nothing gets your butt in gear like the threat of impending doom, right? And speaking of moving - exercise and physical activity are a great way of releasing stress and tension, helping you to freshen up your brain before tackling the challenge at hand. If running away from it doesn’t help, spending some time on enjoyable activities can do the trick as well. Give yourself a time window to unwind, listening to music, reading a book, singing in the shower to promote positive emotions.?

And let's not forget the sense of accomplishment you get from overcoming discomfort - like the feeling you get when you finally finish that marathon you've been training for, or when you finally get through a family dinner without starting a fight.?

For me personally, it’s the element of time and control that tend to have the biggest effect on my response to discomfort. Time heals all wounds (except that one time you’ve pushed me over in recess, Martin!) and allows you to look at things from a distance, objectively seeing the situation as it is, without adding too many subjective emotions.?

Taking control of the situation still gives me the greatest sense of ownership: identifying the source of my discomfort and coming up with a plan to address it. This can also entail sitting through the discomfort for a while, just to really understand what it’s really about and then asking “What is it that I can impact, what can’t I impact?” and then going full force into solutioning mode.?

And here’s another hack I love: I guess it’s been a while since you’ve listened to your inner voice, hasn’t it? When we experience discomfort, our inner voice can either exacerbate or alleviate the discomfort we experience, and thus have a significant impact on our ability to cope with discomfort.?

We’re being taught to ignore our negative self-talk, but what if you’d pause for a second and wondered - maybe my inner voice is trying to tell me something?

You’re worried “you’re a failure” and that your next board presentation is going to go so badly it will become a viral meme? That’s what makes you uncomfortable? Well, hold up - you might not be the loser your inner voice calls you, but: have you prepared yourself well enough? Spend enough time researching the subject? Thought through all the implications and objections?

Oh, have you really??Better listen to that inner tormentor and take notes!

So, embrace discomfort like you embrace that gross green smoothie - it might not be pleasant, but it’s good for you. The opportunity is immense, the wisdom is literally overflowing like those 2-3 excess kilos from last festive season (and also here, the spinach will help). It will fuel your growth and development, help you build resilience, improve your decision-making skills, your creativity for problem solving (or burying problems altogether) and crown you with greater self-awareness.?

And last but not least - let me finish by referencing a great statement from Peter Coffee , Salesforce’s VP for Strategic Research: “Diversify your identity”.?

If you diversify your identity, you build a robust construct that goes well beyond who you are professionally. I’m a daughter, a semi-professional dog tamer, a mediocrely-skilled but highly-passionate racing driver, a bullheaded problem-solver, and yes - ultimately also a leader to a 7-person team of Solution Engineers. But there’s more, and identifying this - while of course acknowledging the financial implications, burdens, etc. that our profession has on the functioning of our lives - will help you with pushing through the discomfort while searching for solutions.?