Glass Chin

The other day my wife posted something on FaceBook about me. She said that during a conversation the other night, that I was telling her about the circumstances of a client {who was in a really bad way}, that I got choked up and had tears in my eyes. That in turn choked her up. You see, I spent 2 decades doing crisis work and she had seen me break down maybe a handful of times. Maybe. But it was true. I did become a little emotional. 

I am a meditative man. I seek silence for answers. So, I wanted to know why lately, I have been more receptive to these emotions. Over the years I have seen some things. I've had to have the hard conversations that no one wants to have. Holding the dying and helping others pick up the pieces of their life afterwards had become the norm. I never broke. And as she used to say, I think you are a robot. But lately, it's different. I see myself breaking a little more each time. 

There is a saying that when a boxer has been through too much, although his skill level is still there, he developes a glass chin. Meaning, he could no longer take a punch like he used to. That usually happened after years and years of abuse. While he still could fight, he could no longer endure pain the way he used too. And that's what I realized. I needed a win, but I have a glass chin. 

My desire to help is stonger than ever. But in a few short days, I will be 55, and that will mark 35 years working in mental health. Yes, I am still very good at what I do. But, my ability to take the punch is no longer there. Sure, line me up against most people in a crisis situation, I would still be your go to guy. It's just that the recovery time now plays a part. I must reboot. 

Something beautiful happens when we acknowledge our truth. We know our limits and imperfections. This frees us up mentally and spirituality. We present to the world, exactly who we are. Unapologetically. You become confidant in the fact that you have survived many wars, and you're still standing. Sure, you may feel slightly broken and bruised. But that feeling totally liberates you. 

As for me, I am still the warrior that I once was. I just no longer feel the need to go to every war that I witness. And I hope some day, you feel the same way too.