Is The Glass Ceiling Still There? How Does It Impact You?

Target Audience

This article is intended for those who have found resistance due to the proverbial “glass ceiling” (due to race, gender, culture, beliefs, etc.), especially those among you who are my students, children, and mentees. You may find parts of this article brutal because I offer no silver bullets or sugar coated placebos. I will write a separate article directed at people in positions of power to clarify their responsibility in alleviating this situation.


The Beginning

My beginning in this world has an interesting backdrop that is relevant to this topic. I am the youngest of three brothers. My brothers are 14 and 12 years older than me and I don’t have any sisters. My parents were hoping that I would be a girl because my older siblings were both boys. They had even picked a name, Yusra (????), for me. Yusra is an Arabic word that means “ease.” Yusra appears in the Quran a few times, notably 94:5 which can be translated as “For indeed, with hardship, there is relief (Yusra).” I don’t read Quran regularly but I connect with the entire Chapter 94 because it is short, and because it focuses on spirituality, gratitude, and effort. You can read it in its entirety here. (PS: Don’t worry, it is not about religious rules and beliefs and you won’t become a Muslim by just reading it just like you don’t become a Christian by just reading the bible or Jewish/Muslim by eating kosher/halal meat.)

There were no ultrasounds at the time so my secret was safe until I was born. Perhaps that’s the reason why I took ten months to take my first breath. My mother named me Salman (?????) after Salman the Persian. I am glad she didn’t name me Yusra, or Sue. However, she did get a doll that she named Yusra. Almost 50 years later, my nephew named his daughter Yusra.


Gender and Race

I did not grow up with gender identity indecision and have always been at peace with being a boy. I apologize if you read this far expecting a gender bender story. I received nothing but love from my family and no one regretted that I was not a girl. However, knowing that my parents were expecting a girl when I was born made me more sensitive to women’s issues. I was conscious of how my experiences would have been if I were a girl. This was further reinforced because my mother raised me as a single parent presenting me a front row seat to her personal and professional life.

I have faced some awkward situations growing up as a minority in United States. Last year, a CEO of a Fortune 10 company intended to compliment me by saying, “I thought you were just an Indian programmer until you started to answer all our strategic planning questions.” I have been complimented on my English several times (even though I never took an English course after High School and my English is worse than my peers).

There are some situations only someone who doesn’t blend in with majority can understand because these situations can be described but not felt nor experienced. I can describe how honey tastes but you have to taste it yourself to experience it. For example, in my first startup, I was completely comfortable as a twenty-something old male at an AACN (American Association of Critical-Care Nurses) conference, while most other men were uneasy being a male minority at a conference with 90% women attendees. This comfort level helped me connect with the nurses better than my competitors.


Who Will Shatter the Glass Ceiling?

I see most people in power focused on further enhancing their careers while the people without power are invested in a slow and tortuous struggle to shatter the glass ceiling. What’s wrong with this picture?

Firstly, there is a steel ceiling above that glass ceiling and it has a whole world above it that thrives but you don’t even know that. That steel ceiling is nearly impossible to shatter from below.

Secondly, the roles need to be reversed if we are going to make efficient progress in achieving diversity and level the playing field. People with decision making power need to be more actively involved in breaking the concrete ceiling by fostering diversity and those who are underrepresented need to be more focused on developing their personal career.

So what can you do?


View from Below

If you are a minority or poor person applying to colleges or jobs, you have many excuses you can present for not getting opportunities available to others. Most of these excuses are going to be valid. For example, lack of role models, insufficient preparation for college, poor professional network, financial difficulties, and so many others. These are all valid excuses. You should take a sheet of paper list all of these excuses until you can’t think of any more excuses. After you are done, crumble that sheet of paper and toss it the recycling bin. You don’t need to carry a monkey, or sheet, on your back. You are much more agile without this sheet in your life.

Be the role model you want in your life! Work harder, work smarter, ask for help, grow your network, and get things done. Complaining is counterproductive but working harder and smarter may help. I didn’t benefit from the time I wasted agonizing about the injustices in my life. I did benefit from channeling my energy into rising above them and doing my best under the circumstances. 

I realized that my self-defeatist inclinations were the biggest disadvantage in my life. I enjoyed complaining about how hard it was for me to have three “gap” years after high school. I just stopped tolerating my excuses one day and never looked back. You may be starting with a disadvantage but you need patiently look for your first opportunity, and then leverage it as much as you can, and you can.

My family couldn’t afford to send me to college unless I had a scholarship. I tried for three years until I got into Wake Forest that offered me a generous package that my family could afford. I latched on to that chance and was fortunate to have some wonderful people who supported me through my college years. You need just one college, one job, one spouse, and just one of so many things to get a break. Once you get that one break, hold onto it for your dear life (especially your spouse, and not anyone else’s spouse).


No one ever said it would be this hard!

I found it mentally and physically exhausting to go through my life pushing myself to see how far I could go, and rejecting any excuses. Lying wide awake in bed every night thinking what could have I done better regardless of that day’s progress and setbacks.

Notice that I said that working rather than complaining “may help” not “will help.” It was even more painful when I did everything right and failed. I have failed much more often that I succeeded. I have laid off my dearest friends, and even myself. I was fortunate to survive long enough to catch my first break. Just make sure that you have supportive people around you so you can survive until you catch that first break.

As you embark on your mission, find a mentor, or let a mentor find you. Your mentor doesn’t have to be the same gender and ethnicity. Several women who are at an executive or board level will tell you that they have been mentored by men. There were hardly any women at an executive and/or board at the time they commenced on their journey. Most of my mentors are white men as well. Encourage your mentor to be brutally honest and ask for permission so that you can be brutally honest with them as well.

This life is not fair and I went crazy trying to seek fairness and equity. I believe anyone who expects equity and justice in this life risks serious emotional and mental torture. One of my mentors, Jeff Kraudelt, advised me, “You should channel your energy on what you can control and not get wrapped around what you can’t control.” I am not encouraging anyone to be unfair or unjust. I am advising that you don’t spend your time complaining, but instead play the best with the hand you’re dealt. Maximize the improvement you can make in your life and help others improve their life.

As you rise and gather power, use your weight to break the steel ceiling and level the playing field for others. It gets easier for you to make a difference if you are in a position of power. Work hard to into a position that gives you the power to make positive changes in others’ lives. As the ColdPlay song goes, "Nobody said it was easy; No one ever said it would be this hard."


Recap
Just recap the key takeaways:

1. Don’t make any excuses, just work harder
2. Be the role model you were seeking
3. Make the most of any breaks you catch
4. Find a mentor who can be brutally honest with you
5. Life isn’t fair, and if you try to seek fairness you’ll be disappointed

Please read the second part of this article (Raise the Roof! Shatter the Ceiling!) for the rest of the story!


Acknowledgments
Mary Ziemba (a former student) helped me articulate several ideas and had helpful questions and comments.
Azleena Azhar (wife) and Omid Safi (close friend) continually encouraged me to continue writing.
The anecdotes mentioned in this article are true.

What are your thoughts? Have your say! Tell me if I made a mistake.Posted by Salman Azhar at Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest