Giving Up Some Privilege

Trials and tribulations of my part-time girl-mode. The story starts with this article from July 2022.

Giving Up Privilege

In girl-mode, I basically give up my male privilege – a surprisingly real thing despite those (men) who deny it exists. Maybe they should try living as a woman for a while to experience it from the other direction.

This doesn't mean that I don't retain significant privileges though; white privilege is also real (and harder to lose – “blacking up” is not a good look); middle-class privilege is also real, and when I speak it can visibly change the way I'm treated.

Driving Shock

When I drive in girl-mode I drive with the same confidence as when in boy-mode. What has shocked me is the difference in how some other drivers treat me. Some male drivers, that is. They frequently try to bully or intimidate, and then get very confused when it just doesn't work. Is this the experience of half of the population on our roads?!

What causes this? Do some men really have such low opinions of, and respect for, women? Sadly I have had to conclude that some do. Nineteenth Century attitudes in the Twenty-First Century, wow. Every day is, as ever, a school day.

Invisible Bystander

In girl-mode I'm about as non-threatening as they come, especially once people talk to me. In a committed long-term relationship with my wonderful girlfriend. Never drink alcohol whilst clubbing, good in an emergency. And, of course, beautiful eyelashes and nails (even if the rest of the make-up isn't so good yet).

I'm also usually alone, my partner being kept some considerable distance from me by health issues caused by Long Covid. Often I find myself invited to join an individual or small group for the night's clubbing – and I have met some wonderful people as a result.

As an “invisible bystander” I tend to be completely ignored by men who approach those I am with, and as a result I've witnessed first-hand behaviours which would make a neanderthal blush. It's fascinating as well as shocking because in exactly the same situations in boy-mode the “conversations” I hear would never have taken place in front of me. These tend to fall into a few categories, and I have seen each so many times now that I'll just describe the most common ones.

Conversion – When with a young lady whose tastes do not include men

I had previously heard that this took place, but there is nothing quite like hearing it for real. There really are men who believe that women who like female rather than male partners “just need a real man” to change their minds. And of course, they are the “real man” required, naturally. The persistence of these individuals is extraordinary; no matter how many times they are told “no”, no matter how clearly this is expressed, it makes no difference. We have had to variously dance together very obviously ignoring them completely, seek refuge within the ladies' toilets, leave one venue for another, or even move to a completely different part of town. Sometimes these individuals become quite angry – and this is when things nudge more into the third category. It is utterly disgraceful for anyone to have to tolerate this, and from observation it is more common than I would otherwise have believed. I used the term “persistence” but a much more accurate term would be “harassment”. And the worst part of all – the ladies don't even regard this as unusual, it happens so often.

But He Is Not Here Now – When with a young lady who has a long term boyfriend

A woman out without her partner is, some men seem to genuinely believe, “available” simply because they are out without their partner – behaviour they clearly believe should not be allowed. The same sort of persistence – well, harassment let's be honest, ensues. We deploy the same sort of defensive tactics. Sometime these individuals become quite agitated and even angry, and sometimes the anger seems directed at me. However, they are clearly very confused by girl-mode – assuming that it means specific things about my sexuality and unable to comprehend that such a link is not automatic nor (in my specific case) extant. Again, this direction of response nudges things more into the third category.

How Dare You Say No – Insidious Incels

Regardless of other circumstances, this can develop and be quite scary. Most incels just mope around in their own dingy and thoroughly toxic internet echo chambers. Their beliefs are disturbing in extremis, and “how dare you say no” sums their attitude up quite effectively. Incel violence, some of it extreme enough to classify as terrorism, is on the rise.

“I saw a pale horse, and a pale rider upon it. The name of the horse was Pestilence. The rider was an Incel.”

They get angry very quickly and very easily. In fact they're more like The Hulk – “always angry”. They do not regard women as even human. Again, they are very confused by girl-mode since it demonstrates “Chad-like” confidence. The only safe way to deal with these despicable, pathetic, and violent individuals is not to deal with or interact with them and to escape the situation as rapidly as possible – occasionally, if necessary, with the assistance of the security staff who may either eject them or delay them whilst we exit stage left, not pursued by an incel.

Parents! Be Aware!

Those of you with sons need to ensure that they genuinely understand and respect the whole concept of consent.

Those of you with daughters need to ensure that they are well-prepared for such situations. Just saying this gives me mixed feelings; it should not be up to the victims of abusive behaviours to compensate for the attitudes and behaviors of the perpetrators.

Thoughts?

I throw these articles out randomly into the Internet void with very little idea whether anyone really reads them, finds them interesting, finds them insightful, or finds them useful. Or maybe just finds them a pointless waste of time, space & electrons.

The LinkedIn article statistics are OK but don't reveal what the reader is muttering under their breath as they read my impulsive brainfarts on all manner of subjects about which I'm clearly not an expert.

It would be nice to know, so comments are welcome. Don't be shy! Say Hi!